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Not sure if anyone remembers me,? but here is a update of sorts


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Hi all its Lea

I cant remember the last time I was on here as its been a while, is that a good thing? or a bad thing you ask yourselves?!

Well lets firstly remind you all of how things were for me when I was last about and then I will give you a update....

Lets see now my bipolar was majorly a mess, I was up and down and up and down and back again within the time it took to type posts, living on a rollercoaster never knowing if my own self damaging behaviours would leave me dead or not, but then the rapid highs of trying to convince myself and all around that Id never go abck to the negativity again, I was an anxious mess, anxiety ruling a high proportion of my every moment, simple things that most take for granted would never be able to be achieved as they jsut wernt possible for me.

Anyways I dont want this post to be about how things were as things have come on so much beyond my wildest dreams! Things are fucking great!

Lets see August last year I was given well I made the pdocs listen adn made them give me lamictal and my G-d that stuff is a wonder drug, it has transformed my life. I recently wrote my psych nurse a 3 page front and bck A4 list of what lamictal has enabled me to do, simple thihgs like going for a wander around the supermarket, even more simple things rthat most take for granted such as ebing able to forward plan more than the next minutes, I am now able to plan a few MONTHS yes I said MONTHS in advance, fucking hell its strange, very strange, stability has been mine for just under a year, and now I am finally able to live my life in the ways I have always been envious of others having, What else? I HAVE BEEN SELF INJURY FREE SINCE JUNE 15TH 2005!!! which is progress in itsself as to be honest Iv only had roughly a douzen urges or less in the last year!

I ahve been doing presentations to psychiatrists, yup they are actually listening and whats more is they have paid me to inform them as to how life is for me! and they are actually interested in what I say rather than sitting their thinking 'oh g-d shes off on one again!'

My life is fantastic, I enjoy it so much, I keep pinching myself thinking I am living in a dream world and sooner or later the alarm will go off and il awaken from my sleep.

Sleep thats the thing for those of you who remember me will remember me and sleep dont get on as I have a severe phobia of it, well I am wait for it........... on average sleeping for at least 9 -10 hours a night, sometimes more! and I dont get quite as panicky and anxious!

Anyways Il shut up now as you are probably bored.

Lea

xxx

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How could we forget you?

How proud I am of you for your hard work - the drug might be helping but you have done a lot of the work as well - and look what you are doing yourself now!!

I say "brava Lea!"

xoxo

Cyd

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I promise to try and remember to be around more often, thanks for the comments guys, they mean a lot.

As I said a while ago to a good friend 'I REALLY MISS THE CAOS' sounds strange btu the caos was part of my life for more time than it hasnt been and I miss the crazy cycles of how things were, in a way I miss the paramedics who would have to try and get me to the hospital for the treatment for my si, I miss the ward staff, I miss the well a lot

BUT I AM SO PROUD OF THE PROGRESS I AM MAKING, IT HASTN BEEN EASY AND THE RIDE OF THIS THING CALLED LIFE IS NO WAY GOING TO BE DULL, BUT FOR ONCE I CAN SAY I AM PROUD OF MYSELF

I feel like my life has been given yet another chance and I can and will become the person my dreams have always told me to be

as one of my many poems say 'I am the ME Im longing to be, Iv shoulderd my burdens as light as they appeared, Im doing what I must do to enable me not to DOUBT THE DREAMS'

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Oh, Lea--so glad to see you back--and even better to hear your wonderful news.

Somertimes when folk disappear, I'm always afraid that something horrid hs hapened. I think its part of being MI to think the worse--and here you are back with a glowing report.

Gives me faith, tho I've never been on Lamactil, its outrageously wonderful when you find a med, or 2 or 3 that suddenly makes all those synapses--well, synapse!!

Many blessings, and much love,

china

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I didnt realise how long I had been gone and really sorry that I had you worried, please forgive me?

I'm exhausted its 11.20am and Iv literaly just dragged myself out of bed, my thyroid is screwing up again, severely underacting ;) and my anemia is bad at a guess, cant get blood work sorted till my darling psych nurse is back as the regular blood work people cant find a vein in me so he will have to make special arangments :)

Anyways off back to get more sleep

Lea

xxx

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