Guest annonymous Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 I guess I belong here now. (actually all of this happened a few days ago, but I was too scared/confused/ashamed to come here) I am not new to CrazyBoards, though I guess I am still to ashamed to use my regular log in. I have a long history of MI, though only within the last year and a half or so have I really known my true dx. I am also no stranger to SI. I have been cut free for approximately five years (though not SI-free.) I had a really bad day a few days ago, was very stressed about my pdoc appointment coming up, was very paranoid, very anxious, having hallucinations, family stress, and stressed about some deadlines coming up. I had an appointment with my therapist at night, and got through the day knowing that I would have some one to talk to and it would all be ok. My therapist then failed to show up for my appointment. Not a first, but still very hard to deal with. I went home and cut. I didn't really think about it, I just knew I had to do it and did. It's been so long, I didn't even have a blade ready, that didn't even slow me down. I try not to listen to them when they tell me to do things, but I just didn't know what else to do. Why couldn't I have just banged my head instead? Five very hard fucking years. Over. I am sickened by what I have done after such a long fight. Like I said, I haven't been SI free, but I still thought I had made more progress than this. I guess I'm here because I am so sick of being sick and scared and alone. And I don't want to be where I used to be. So anyway, I guess I'm here now, and starting over. Day 1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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