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I cannot even begin to tell you how much of both empathy and sympathy I have for you.

I've packed up and/or sold off my entire life 4 times in the past 2 years. In fact, that was a large part of the reason I didn't want to make the move 700 miles south to where I live now.

All I can tell you is that I know how it feels. And after your move and unpacking, it'll feel a lot better (trust me on this one, I should damn well know!!!!). It takes patience, and I know waiting is a bitch.

Don't expect things to become perfect. Life always has its ups and downs. Don't be pessimistic, as you'll never get anywhere, and don't be too idealistic, as you will only be disappointed and confused in the end. Be realistic and rational. I know this is bloody hard in our condition, but at least make an effort to try. We shouldn't deny problems, at the same time, we cannot deny our futures, as it may well be better - it's a 50/50 chance, might as well hope for the better 50%. After all, no matter how bad today seems, we can't really forecast tomorrow, as much as we often try. Being afraid of the future is useless and can only destroy your current mood along with your life in general. 'Realism' is something I personally try and practice, and it's the only thing that's kept me alive.

That, and I believe that everybody's got their purpose (or can make one) on this earth. I'm not too religious (even though I am spiritual and believe in some sort of higher raw force, call it God if you will), but somehow I personally manage to not hurt myself or do myself in after I found out that I momentarily went brain dead 3 times on the operating table when I was 9 months old during open-heart surgery. So who knows, if there is a God who cares about humans, maybe I do have some purpose, or something like that. =P

I know I seem to be ranting (well okay, I am!) and maybe getting into too much into my own personal beliefs and random spiritual stuff (I plead the fifth, your honor).

The gist of this whole thing, main bullet point if you will, is to understand what's really going on, the good, the bad, and the ugly, but hope the best might happen. Often it's the only thing that can keep you (or me) sane. =)

P.S. If you need anything else, or were totally put off by my reply ;-), PM or IM me - info in profile. I think we do have a lot in common, esp. the moving crap.

transient bum who lives in an apartment,

--herrfous

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Overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m experiencing daily.

I’m moving soon, and just glancing around my room at all the stuff, is nerve-wracking. I mean, there’s only so much I can take with me, and so much will have to be thrown away and left behind. I’m the type of person that forms emotional attachments with anything and everything, and this is going to kill me.

I'm a pack rat too. I finally made myself throw out stuff from elementary school a couple of years ago. I knew I'd never actually use or need any of it, but it still brought me to tears. And that was voluntary. I feel for your situation. Perhaps you could leave some things with people, so they won't really be gone. I used my little sister for this & she loved it.

Plus moving is stressful all by itself..

My sister is having her graduation on June 27th. I’ve yet to go out and buy a “dressy” outfit. It has to be long sleeves, of course. I have no sense of style, and no idea of what will look good on me. There will be family pictures taken before her grad, and I’d do anything not to be a part of them. I probably shouldn’t even start on the fact that she got valedictorian.
Well, I don't know what you look like, but I have some ideas:

1) A skirt, at least knee length, with a nice looking long-sleeve shirt. Just find a skirt that goes well with your skin tone and pick a solid color top. If you're unsure, you can always do a lighter black or grey skirt and a black shirt. That almost always looks good.

2) A dress with a jacket to put over it. Just make sure the jacket is lightweight and 'hugs' the dress. Just try to find something in the same color family. (This combo might be harder to find though)

3) Dress pants - soild color like black or grey with a lighter long-sleeved shirt.

These should all do just fine, and you can always add stuff like necklaces and earrings to make it less casual if you need to. Just make sure to get the shirts from the more "dressy" women's section in the store. With those, the material is everything.

My condolences to you for the valedictorian.

Those are the major stressors, well, not really, but everything else would seem silly to anyone but me. Probably, I’m assuming. And it’s all making me sick to my stomach. So fucking tense. It just feels like everything is closing in on me and pressing into my chest.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. AIR. BREATHE.

I’m so close (Arms length? We could even be holding hands) to the point of an overdose, just to make it all go away. My head is so full. Worrying is all I seem to do.

What do I have to do in a few minutes? Oh god in a week I have to ___! Next month ___ is going to happen! What if this happens? Shit, what if that happens!?

It’s constant agonizing. I can’t calmly plan, face, or think about any task at all.

Relax. Can’t can’t can’t.

So wound up. I’m a wreck.

Those are all good reasons to stress & I'm sure your other ones are too. I know what it's like to feel so wound up you can't even think straight.. pacing or rocking back and forth.. just to have some movement cause you feel like you just have to do something, but each thought just makes it even worse.

I don't have an answer for you. I would usually either make myself so exhausted that I couldn't continue, or find something else like coffee, boose, or food to focus on... until I was able to relax. Although, usually, I'd still be stressed until going to bed. Sleep was/is always a good cure.

It feels like it keeps coming from the inside.

I don’t know how to get away from something that has embedded itself so, SO far down within myself.

That's because you can't. It's a part of you and it will keep plaguing you unless you can find a way to deal with it.

When I think I can overcome. It runs even deeper.

Fine. I realize it’s not going to leave without a trace (maybe it won’t back down at all) but does it need to attack so viciously?

But see.. that's just it. It is you. It's not some virus or cold, it's a mindset.. a mental connection. And it's just as strong as you are, because you're one in the same. The more you push, the harder it pushes back. That's what makes things so difficult. If it were that easy we could all just 'think' ourselves better - willpower just isn't enough.

Whenever I question suicide, the answer is always the same. Yes. You have the green light, Laura. GO.

I’m sorry. I know this entire thing read like one huge "BLAH." I’m just thinking in the form of writing. Sorry to write so soon after my other post.

And that's why you put off the question..

Take care of yourself & let us know how you're doing, alright?

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I'm really distracted right now, and can't quite focus on replying to these posts. I'll get to it soon enough, I hope.

But I wanted to say they were all so, so helpful. ;)

You guys are wonderful.

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I moved twice in a few months in 2005, so I have some clue what that's like. One problem with stress is that it feels like the whole world is getting hyper, so it's hard to remember that it isn't always necessary to grab onto everything with a death grip. When I remember, I can often pause, take a few meditative breaths, and slow down. Or, at least, when my meds are working I can. Hope maybe you can too.

The other thing is to go out and walk or take a bike ride or swim until you are a bit tired. Really helps.

I tossed a lot of stuff when I moved, but I also rented a bit of extra space in a garage to keep things in, since I do play with my toys quite a bit when I'm not down. I visit them every week or so to put things back and take out whatever I want to work on/play with. I don't know if that's in the budget for you.

This kind of stuff, although I'm sure you're VERY upset, is not worth killing yourself over. It would be better to just drop everything and go elsewhere, although you probably don't have to do that to reduce the problem.

Hope this works out.

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As for your outfit, i have a couple of great resources around my town. i get my clothes from these places, and always get tons of compliments.

I have a thrift store called Value World that sells second-hand stuff

and a store called Dots, they're kinda trendy, but that's the point. their stuff is cheap but ultra cute.

if all else fails, look at the sale section of a dept. store. that should get you started! wear sunscreen and you can wear short sleeves, unless you're more photosensitive than i am.

loon

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