my mum has had a stroke.....

[~nestling~]

I got home to an urgent message from my father. I phoned him back. And. My mum had a minor stroke this morning, and they are keeping her in hospital overnight. Last thing my dad knew, she was still in A and E. In a bed. Its chaos there apparantly.

Not only that, but he also tells me that they are (at last...yeah.but.) having double glazing fitted....their old windows are literally rotting. (the frames that is). But its because they've had rocks thrown through their front window 3 times. Including once on my birthday.now he tells me.

*cries*

I've phoned my therapist. She was out. But I've left a message. I need to make contact with someone. I've taken 2 propranolol, but I'm still feeling weepy and I can't concentrate on anything or stay in one place.

I also can't stay online long because of the phone.

Someone talk with me. Please. Just so I know I'm not alone, and that its going to be ok....My flatmates are out, as well.

edited because its hard to type coherently just now.

[reddog]

it will be ok. your mum will be fine. minor strokes are a pia more than anything. the big thing will be the follow up afterwards to prevent a major stroke.

really, this was an early warning signal & it's good that your mum caught it.

hugs and kisses to you.....here's a nice cyber blankie and a cup of hot tea. (soothing voice) it'll be ok honey. it'll all work out.

[ravenonice]

It's going to be ok. A mild stroke is a warning and she will get blood thinners and will be better.

I'm sorry she had it. The window thing, well the new windows will protect them. Are they in a changing neighborhood?

I know you are worried about Mum. You can go visit her. Take some flowers?

raven

[~nestling~]

thank you reddog.

she's been at risk a while, had to go on special diet to reduce BP and whatnot.

she is 70, after all.

itsjustashock.

I can't focus and it feels like everything's falling away and I'm trying to hold on......

It was good at least to leave a message for my therapist. likely she won't respond as she's been very direct on keeping boundaries lately. but at least she knows and I know she knows/will know. I did speak to someone and they gave me the option of phoning back to leave a message rather than leave a message with them, which I appreciated and did.

apparantly my mum's reflexes are all fine and everything, her face is a little lopsided on one side, my dad says, but I've always seen it that way recently.

god, I feel crummy.

[~nestling~]

raven, thank you.

I'm not planning to visit her just yet. Please no. Not because I don't care, but it involves travel that would freak the hell out of me (across central london on the tube) I sound selfish, but, I also have to look after me.

I will try and find somewhere and get some flowers delivered maybe, tomorrow, as its nearly 6pm here.

the window. yes. I think they're getting all new dg windows. they get some on the insurance, but have to pay for the rest.

the house is basically very neglected. and the area? well, I've not been around lately, but its never been particularly a wonderful area and I'm glad to be out.

Ok, I'd better get offline now. But I'll keep you posted when I can.

Thank you for being here.

[Penny Century]

i'm glad your mom's reflexes are fine. she'll be ok. but it's scary to have a parent in hospital even if you know they'll be ok. i hope she gets to go home soon to her new windows. do you live near them?

i'm sorry your therapist doesn't do phone consults, but i'm glad that leaving a message calmed you down a bit. it's hard to get a grasp on reality when something like this happens and it's so good that you are using the tools around you to try and ground yourself.

hang in there. she'll be ok.

my thoughts are with you and your mother.

penny

[praxis]

When it rains, it pours. You have done what you can for now. You talked to your Dad and know that Mum is stable. You contacted your Tdoc. Now get some rest. It will be better for you and your parents if you can calm yourself. Then bring your Mum some flowers.

Take care

[~nestling~]

Thank you Penny Century. (I just caught your message.)

Thank you for your caring thoughts. Yes, it is scary. Also, I'm an only child. and my parents are very codependent, never apart.

they don't have the new windows yet. they are coming round to measure tomorrow, I think. (has random panic about the stuff in my room having to be moved when they're fitted. my stuff, not thire mounds of stuff that they've piled in on top.)

They live the other side of London, I'm NW, and they're on the SE London/Kent border. About an hour or 2 away, depending on connections.

I have spoken inbetween sessions on the phone with my therapist before, but I'm not sure what the criteria are now, like, what constitutes urgent. I think she'd be able to tell from my message that I'll be ok.

Edit- Praxis, you were typing the same time as me...thank you....yes, if one thing wasn't enough....

*takes deep breath and sighs*

at least my pdoc said I can take 20mg prp up to 4 times a day.

I'm going to try and get some dinner now (haven't eaten all day either...not since breakfast, I have no appetite in this heat) and then do my journal.

will try and check in again before bed if I can.

[AirMarshall]

Nestling,

sorry about your mom. Sounds like your dad did good getting her to emergency in a timely manner. They have newer drugs that can help early on with strokes now. Being able to move around is a very good sign. If this turns out to be fairly minor it may be a good thing because they will put her on blood thinners that can prevent a major stroke. And without this warning stroke she might never have gotten the blood thinners.....

Are you going to the house to supervise the glazing or swap with your dad at the hospital? Can you take a friend with you on the tube?

best

a.m.

[~nestling~]

thanks AM.

I'm staying here and going to work.

I guess dad has things under control. although at many times he feels like my little brother and not my father, he can handle things well when he has to.

a friend to come with me on the tube?

not really. my closest friend has MS and is not mobile, still recovering from accident over a year ago.

my flatmate is 6 months pregnant.

that about is my quota of friends.

neither should travel on the tube in this heat.

me, well, I'm going to work tomorrow. I'll tell them what's happened, and call my dad at lunchtime, and take it from there.

I forgot to mention that she's also fractured her arm, when she fell.

I can't remember if she was on blood thinners when we had the previous heart attack/stroke scare over a year ago. I know she's been monitoring her blood pressure (even buying one of those nifty test-it-at-home machines).

I spoke to my dad at 7pm (an hour and a half ago UK time) and nothing's changed. he spoke to the hospital, and my mum is as comfortable as she can be in the circumstances...I asked dad if he was taking her a nightie and a book, but he said no, best not to disturb her....blah...those little things can really count....

but, she's STILL in a bed in the middle of a and e.....

I'm doing ok, flatmates came in (and went out again) and I spoke to them, which helped.

[HaloGirl66]

nestling, so sorry to hear about your mum, I will keep your family in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.

[Loon-A-TiK]

Hiya Nestling,

My mum (I'm 1/2 Australian and 1/2 American, with 2 passports) has also had strokes, but she's not even 50 yet. She has MS and Lupus, so as those progress her condition gets worse.

If you can't go in the tube, you can use a service to send flowers, like pay them wtih a credit card (if you have one, as many of us MI have terrible credit) or ask someone to take her flowers, and at least send a card telling her you're afraid of the tube but that she's in your heart and mind all the time.

She's your mum. All you have to do is explain and she'll understand (I hope)!

Loon

[~nestling~]

thank you both.

they'll understand. and the proximity to July and such will prob make her super protective of me anyway.... (they don't know about my MI, so it would be too complex just now to explain...)

no more news yet.

I didn't sleep that well last night.

First I was anxiously paranoid about who threw the rocks... (bearing in mind that mother of ex-bully has moved in next door...)

Then I was just generally worried.

I couldn't get comfortable either, because of the heat.

and I guess I was on edge all night in case the phone did ring and it was an emergency....

because you know what my fear is don't you?

(I don't think I could bear that......not now...no ever....but especially not now....)

I am scared my therapist will be cross with me for phoning her outside session...like how she was unhappy with those emails a few weeks back.

but, all I've done is left one message. it helped to touch base with her, even if I didn't speak to her. doesn't stop me being scared, though...

even though she said that there are boundaries, but they are not 100% rigid.

I feel sick, lightheaded, its hard to breathe, although propranolol have eased that a bit.....

I'll be calling my dad at lunchtime, unless I hear anything sooner.

[Scooterman]

Nestling,

I hope your Mother is okay. Sounds like the heat there is hard to deal with. It was down to 5 degrees Celsius here two days ago. If I could I would send you some of our cool air. I'm sure your Mom will understand your circumstances.

I am scared my therapist will be cross with me for phoning her outside session...like how she was unhappy with those emails a few weeks back.

As for your therapist, I mean what are they there for if not to talk to in a time of crisis. I would hope your therapist would be supportive.

Hope you can find some peace and get some rest.

[Panz]

Nestling

I know how this kind of thing is a terrific shock. I think that your Mum is very lucky and I'm glad that she is doing well.

Things seem very surreal and like the world is coming down around you. Hugs and emotional support. Chin up sweetie, things will be okay.

Panz

[~nestling~]

Thank you both, yes, Panz, things feel really surreal, and 'where was that ground?'....

Update- My dad visited her this afternoon. She's still in the Emergency Assessment Unit, a small ward of 5 beds.

Tomorrow she's being moved to the Stroke Unit (in the same hospital) for some physiotherapy. It seems there is more damage than first thought, although she's still very lucky. She can't put any weight on her left leg, and her speech is coherent, but then becomes garbled after a while. (but that may also be stress and shock.) She's weepy. (who wouldn't be?)

and is going to be put on some medication for cholesterol reduction, as apparantly her cholestrol levels had rocketed. she was on statins before, but was allergic, but there's something new. I asked my dad to let me know when he knows, and then I can find out about it.

I'm...holding up...took propranolol this morning, but was ok without the rest of the day. I see my therapist tomorrow, I have all you folks, and also I see my GP for checkin on Friday, so I have plenty of support. thank God/ess. Also, work are very supportive, and there's no pressure there, so that's one weight I don't have to carry.

[Catnapper]

Sorry to hear about your mum, I know it's a big worry to have anyone in the hospital.

Strokes and things like that always seem somehow scarier to me because you can't see anything of what happened or what's being done to make it right like - with a broken leg and a cast it's obvious what went wrong. I guess now with the MRI scans they can see much more, but still it's a leap of faith to agree that some blood vessel in there somewhere isn't quite right. (Actually I did see an MRI of my brain once and it did show an amazing amount of detail so I guess I'm just paranoid!)

I hope the hospital stay goes as smoothly as can be expected and your therapy and doc appts. go well this week. I'm glad to hear your work is being ok with everything. We're purring for you as always.

[~nestling~]

Thanks Catnapper.

I cried myself to sleep last night....at last I think it sunk in what's going on, and the tears were healing.

I'm really exhausted this morning though.

[Ella]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would be crushed if anything happened to my mom, so I get that. (((Nestling))) Sending good thoughts your and your mom's way.

[~nestling~]

thanks Ella. I appreciate that.

I spoke to my dad again last night, and, he doesn't know what kind of stroke it was, exactly, or the results of the MRI....he couldn't find anyone to talk to...

my mum has her own room in the Stroke Unit. ensuite toilet and sink, however she cannot get about on her own still. her speech is much better though. she is still weepy.

I feel more human having had therapy yesterday afternoon....(my therapist wasn't annoyed about me phoning her, by the way, far from it) the 'worst' feels over... I'm just so very very tired...I did manage to sleep much much better last night...just wasn't long enough. at least I've already arranged some leave from work and finish at 3 today.

[realitytest]

Very sorry about all our anxiety, nestling.

Your mom is lucky to have a daughter who cares about her so deeply.

There are great diagnostic tools now for stroke, and the therapy can do amazing things,

They are disovering every day how much "plasticity" remains in the brain at any age - how much repair is possible if not through actual new growth, through new circuitry. New areas can take over function for damaged ones. The more they know, the more hope they offer. It DOES take work on all sides. I'd say she needs a combination of sympathy and toughlove. No wallowing! Of course, maybe this is her nature anyhow in which case this is irrelevant.

The dear woman who raised us, even more than my mother, had two strokes in her early and then late eighties and amazingly, recovered from both! Her only unmarried daughter (one of four children) involved her in serious therapy (speech as well as physical) and she became fully functional again.

These were not "minor strokes"

Apparently one key factor is initiating therapy immediately and vigorously (within the limits of the pt's condition).

Best of luck to you and your family,

rt

[~nestling~]

thanks rt.

my mum would probably feel luckier if I went to visit her...but, when I'm ready, I will.

I reckon, from what my dad's saying, she's coping with the conflict between feeling grateful for being looked after, and frustrated that she cannot walk unaided.

she asked him for some children's wordsearch puzzles....

she is having a lot of physiotherapy, and is cooperating well.

thank you for your message of hope.

at this stage we don't know how long she'll be in hospital, that's the difficult part.

[ldo]

I know how hard it is to have a parent in the hospital. Strokes are pretty scary to see, aren't they? If you're like me, the emotional strain is pretty nasty at first and then you get used to it, tho it's still not fun. Take some time to catch your breath, maybe meditate or go for a walk or something, as required, to take care of yourself.

My Dad had a major stroke but recovered to the point that he drove around town, prepared his own food, led a taxpayer's association, etc. His arm is a bit funny and his speech is slightly different, but he's the same old abrasive ~!@#$. Make sure youir Mom gets some kind of physical therapy, tries to be active, etc., which ought to help with her recovery.

[~nestling~]

thanks ldo.

I haven't seen my mum since, but she had something similar (and refused to go to hospital) a few years ago, she fainted on the tube. and that was terrifying. (especially as I was very very unwell myself at the time....depression wise...)

That's great that your dad recovered so well.

[Cetkat]

Sorry to hear about your mom. How is she doing now? It's a very good sign that she can speak and move, those are big clues that she's going to recover just fine.

I'm glad your therapist understood the phone call. Some boundaries are meant to be crossed when you need to.

Take care of yourself and don't force yourself to do anything you can't. Your mom will understand how much you care whether you visit or not.

(((nestling)))

[lilie]

Strokes are so hard to witness because we see our parents as capable and strong(and always have). Seeing them weak and helpless is almost unbearable. My blessings go out to you and your family and I hope things get better fast for you and your family soon.

Lilie

[~nestling~]

thank you both.

she's still in hospital, and likely to be there for a while. she can walk aided now, a little way.

I've made plans to visit on Sunday.

meanwhile, I'm working through all the very very very intense feelings stirred up by all this, in therapy....

[Penny Century]

i'm glad you have a good therapist through all this. i hope that facing things in therapy will help you with your visit on sunday.

[easyrider1984]

I hope your visit goes OK on Sunday, nestling. I really hope your Mum gets better soon. She seems to be showing signs of improvement. I'm sure she will pull through this.

Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

I send my best wishes to you and your family.

Take care!!

[~nestling~]

thank you Penny and ER.

yes, my therapist is really good...we are picking up together the multi-layers of feelings that are being triggered. I was working on separation-individuation already, now its speeded up some....I am so glad she understands. just the right balance of looking at things very clearly, and soothing....

I'm not sure exactly why mum's being kept in hospital so long...I anticpated a few days, then, as heard more, I thought, o, a couple of weeks, now it seems it'll be longer than that.....

I want to take her some flowers when I visit, but the hospital doesn't allow flowers - or plants.....am going to hunt out some nice artificial ones. or a soft toy with a flower...you know the kind? (like the grey teddy ones).

[Penny Century]

silk flowers can be very lovely.

i'm glad you're progressing in therapy. there is so much in separation-individuation and transference work and it's not easy to tackle, that's so good that you mesh well with her.

[~nestling~]

thanks Penny.

I bought my mum a teddy today. and some squeezy stress ball things she wanted, to exercise her hands..actually they're water bombs, but its all I could find....they seem to be the right kind of thing...

I'm feeling a bit down this evening, I got in and was arranging some flowers in vases, for me (crysanthemums, I need all the nurturing-mother-type-vibes I can get right now..) and dad rang...said mum was concerned I hadn't phoned him to confirm Sunday...I said I'd call him on Friday EVENING. as in, after 6pm...but still, I said I'd call him back in 10 mins or so, which I did...

and mum was down today....cried as he left...a lot...him leaving, and a semi friend in the bed opposite was also leaving hospital today.

so, dad says not to be surprised if she cries when I'm there.....

so, I said, well, I'm likely to cry as well.....in fact its almost certain.....(even though I'll be taking propranolol and rescue remedy before I get to my dad's.....)

o help.

dad also said not to mind about the state of the house...(I am already worried and anticipating the boarded up windows....) which means it must be pretty bad....untidy and in need of cleaning....(they never do much cleaning anyway....)

*sigh*

feeling blue.....

[ldo]

My Dad is usually hard bitten, but he was right on the edge of weeping when I visited him after his stroke. Didn't last.

PT (physical therapy) after a stroke can take a while. If they're making your Mom jump through some hoops before letting her out, it may mean that she'll be more capable when she gets out. I hope even after she gets out that she keeps trying to do things, as apparently quite a bit of recovery is possible in the first six months. But she has to keep trying to do things and to be as active as possible. Perhaps when she gets home you can subtly sabotage the telly.

I seem to remember reading something about SSRI's helping neurologically after a stroke, with nearly immediate effects. Was new when I read it, but maybe by now they've got it nailed down. Long shot, I know.

[ncc1701]

Heya nestling,

Mum is where she needs to be. A stroke unit includes all the rehab too -- physio, speech therapy, whatever else she needs -- and they'll keep her til she's as ready as she can be to go home.

A soft toy is a great idea to say you're thinking of her. She knows you are.

Something else. The crying. This can actually be related to the stroke itself, and not necessarily from sadness. It can be harder to control crying after a stroke, and that will get better.

--ncc--

[~nestling~]

thank you both.

my mum is actually on amitriptyline, a low dose, along with a low dose of tegretol, for trigeminal neuralgia....(which is partly psychsomatic...)

actually she's still not in the stroke unit....waiting for a bed...still...she's on a medical ward.....but is having lots of physio.