Well-Meaning People

[Loon-A-TiK]

I thought this would be a funny one- kind of like a Scientology topic or something.

All of us have family and friends around who think that if we try harder, get some weird herbal remedy they saw on TV, jog more, or get a pet rat that we'll suddenly snap out of the never-ending train wreck of BP and be cured forever.

What are some of the best you've heard that make you laugh the hardest?

\

Let' see..for me...

Mom (BP1 in denial)- y ou should see an herbalist and she can give you St. John's Wort (mild MAOI)

Cousin (also BP in denial)- you should just vent more and understand we're all like this (yeah, she's batshit)

Former Boyfriend- you're not MI, you just need to focus more on school (I have ADD Inattentive so this was kinda tough to do. But I did graduate wtih honors).

\

Give me your best war stories! lol

[Sensation]

People are still saying shit like "hang in there" in this day in age

There's someone for everyone

Let him find you

Pray on it

Hope things get better

[Velvet Elvis]

drunk neighbor: "hey maayhun come smoke this here joint and get yerself out of the house."

and an hour later "hey maayhun we're smokin the roach why don't you get yer ass over here and smoke some. you know you needs it."

an hour later "hey maayhun, we're a rolling a'nother 'un."

[lemonflavor]

"You need to get some sun!" Please stop telling me this! Besides, two of the drugs I take cause increased photosensitivity and I don't like being in the sun. I don't have SAD. I like the dark.

(Sorry Loon, I'm not stalking you, just replying to topics of yours.)

[borzage]

People are better now, but when I was younger kids would always say, "What's wrong?" when I looked sad. I'd tell them I was depressed, and they'd try to make me feel better my telling me about someone who has it worse. Eh, they meant well, I guess. Idiots.

I still get people who try to tell me it's all in my head, and if I just ~try~ hard enough I can be happy. Those are the people I want to attack and kill. Why would I choose to suffer from bottomless black depressions?

One dude was emailing me links to his weird religion, these 25 minute promotional movies with shots of sunsets on the water and Asian people exercising, with the voice-over of a British woman who was incredibly vague and monotonous. In his emails he would try to tell me there was no such thing as "Bipolar Disorder". (Yes, he used quotes every time he mentioned it. SO ignorant.)

And then there are the people who, when I tell them I'm Bipolar, decide that they are, also. WTF???

[borzage]

"You need to get some sun!" Please stop telling me this! Besides, two of the drugs I take cause increased photosensitivity and I don't like being in the sun. I don't have SAD. I like the dark.

(Sorry Loon, I'm not stalking you, just replying to topics of yours.)

YES, I've heard this, too... to the extent that when I was in the hospital, my neighbor took it upon herself to remove all my hurricane shutters.

[chinacat]

I have several but my absolute favorite, told to me in a very stern manner--

"You must start exercising at least 30 minutes a day." Thats great doc, how doyou suggest I get out of bed when I am so depressed I don't even wash my face? How stupid is that?

My other favorite--only heard this once--about my son, but might as well have been about me--"Well, I can't understand why he's so moody all the time. No body else in our family acts like that. You are just spoiling him." (the child was threatening suicide--wiuth a plan--at the time)

Love, china, who, BTW, has LOTS of mentally interesting people all over our family, they just drank a lot and nobody said much in the "old days"

[CheshireCat]

"Everybody's a little crazy. Show me one person who's normal. You're just going through it like everyone else is."

Nothing like feeling like I'm just making it all up...

[resonance]

My pdoc's suggestion that maybe driving to a park and going for a walk would help motivate me to get out of bed.

[lilie]

Mine are:

Suck it up-your elders survived so will you

Get a hobby and stop thinking about it so much

leave those drugs alone-they're probably the whole problem

Go back to church God will help you

Those therapists don't know you better than your own family-leave them alone

assmunches

lilie

[Libby]

"Pull yourself up by the bootstraps."

"You catch more flies with honey than vinegar."

"Think positive."

"Look at the bright side."

"You have nothing to feel bad about. I felt bad because I had no shoes, until I saw a man with no feet."

and worst of all............"SMILE! It can't be THAT bad!"

[robotlove29]

oh good lord, "smile, it can't be that bad", that makes me want to slit some throats

but yeah, i always get "whats wrong???, you have no reason to frown.."

or "gimme a smile"

or "there's always a reason to smile"

makes me want to judo chop their fuckin head off

then i have to explain to people that, yes, my face just looks like this. i don't look friendly. small children are scared of me. now leave me the hell alone....

[grousemouse]

a family member regarding my past major preoccupation with the boards.

"i know that place is good for you and you have a lot of friends, but don't you think you should go out and meet some normal people?"

funny thing is, she was right.

[stable not balanced]

"well, can't you just go off your drugs?"

[Libby]

"drugs are a weakness."

[faith]

People are still saying shit like "hang in there" in this day in age

I'm "guilty" of this one. Creativity doesn't come easily but I like people to know I'm there for them just the same. At least I know who not to say it to now lol

I think my all time favorite is when I called my mother crying from the psych ward the night I was admitted and she told me I'd abandoned my kids (who were being cared for by their father, the nerve of me!) and "running off to take a vacation."

Yeah, some vacation. I didn't even get the free notepad and (felt tip?) pen.

[grousemouse]

People are still saying shit like "hang in there" in this day in age

I'm "guilty" of this one. Creativity doesn't come easily but I like people to know I'm there for them just the same. At least I know who not to say it to now lol

yes, and there's something about saying 'hang in there' to someone who experiences depression....

[cache-monkey]

"We all get {} sometimes" [Fill in {} with whatever excrutiating mood you're in with a normal person's understanding of it: mixed = upset; hypomanic/wired = energetic; depressed as dirt = sad]

"You just can't let this get you down" [Parents not wanting to accept that this is an illness]

"Maybe you need to get some hobbies to take your mind off of things." [Assumes that the mind's accessible at all... and that I can actually leave my house without exerting every bit of energy just to hold myself together and not freak out screaming gibberish before curling into a ball.]

"Have you tried {}?" [Fill in {} with whatever the latest mental wellness trend Newsweek's caught on to]

And my favorite, particularly after a three year semi-successful med search, is when they basically think I can just go on "a medication" and be fine. [in their minds there's only one or two, which always work. *snort*]

The hardest things about this is the friendships that have suffered; only one of my friends is MI, and only a few others are truly empathic (a rare trait for non MI people). Given the befuddled, platitudinous and sometimes quick-fix responses, it's hard to talk about, even though it's been this major factor in my life. This isn't to say that my friends just bailed. But given BP as this overarching struggle for me, some friendships feel a little more superficial than they used to.

Heh, I wonder what my friends with kids would do if I responded in kind when they start talking about their children. E.g., child's first steps ("Every kid does that at some point").

Jadedly,

cache-monkey

[betcsu]

"of course youre BP. youre a mother and all mothers are BP to some extent."

"if you keep reading all those books, of course youre gonna end up crazy."

(in reference to a few BP books i read after i was dx'd)

"you need to get out in the sun"

"you need to go for a walk and get some exercise."

i'm sure i'll think of more but thats all i can get off the top of my head for now.

[Rabbit37]

"You need to smile, you'll feel better". I pretty much want to go psychotic on this one. I'm already told (grew up being told) that I have a go-to-hell natural look on my face, so being told all the time to smile is particularly infuriating.

Oh, and "eating right, exercise and relaxation". Yeah, I just slept for 16 straight hours, I'm sure relaxation would help...

[betcsu]

i got one more before i go lock myself in my room for the day:

"youre just learning perserverence."

NO I'M NOT!!!!! IM LEARNING THAT EVERYTHING SUCKS!!!

[chinacat]

Oh oh--thought of one more--

I was not, at that time, mentally intersting, but had majored in Psychology in college, and was trying to have something of a concersation with my father in law, a redneck from eastbumfuck, W. Virginia, and a retired Marine to boot.

"What a stupid thing to go to school for. Anybody that believes that stuff is always crazy themselves>"

Love you too, "dad"--you asshole

china--who now fears his statement had some truth in it. Sigh

[Loon-A-TiK]

So, these boil down to some certain types of "help"

1. we need to get out more (sun, exercise), even thoug it is hard to get out of bed and our meds kind of preclude sun bathing

2. tough loe- we obviously are weaklings and need to toughen up

3. everyone is crazy and we are just too sensitive to our own craziness

BTW- cheshire cat- i get that a lot and love it! lol

[realitytest]

My mother is "downsizing " again - still had so much stuff she cloudn't even fit all the boxes in the new apartment. The movers had to store it at unknowable price. Probably equals rent. (I've been telling her for don't know how long, to rent storage, to make the transition easier, but noooo).

She talks to me about wanting to send me more Things: furniture, cllothes, mismatched towels, A GIANT STUFFED WHITE DOG (for my kids who are gtowen or nearly?? Or ME???)

She knows damned well (I've told her) I live in the miodst of utter charos, on account of a spinal disability, depression, and an untenable amount of clutter - paper and possessions. So where did I get this "Accumulation" disease - not to mention about half the stuff itself?) This woman willl ship an old stuffed chair halfway across the country, so it's not "wasted"!

Ah, but I was leading up to the line, the line I get...

"You just need to simplify."

PS Note I still have two - three? enormous UNOPENED boxes from her. Haven't a clue what they contain, One has have been sitting in one of my "storage rooms" for years (plan - dining room?), other in entry way. . Made the mistake of thanking for for a dress from the last batch (the rest went straight to Goodwill). Big mistake. Unleashed storm of more boxes.

"Just simplify".

[Loon-A-TiK]

Yes, RT, SIMPLIFY! hey, if we could bottle it and sell it, we'd make more than Astra-Zeneca (sp?) and Lilly and friends put together! no one would have to put up wtih BP craziness ever! our families would be spared the trauma and stigma they have to endure by having a loved one who is mental lol

[cache-monkey]

Yes, RT, SIMPLIFY! hey, if we could bottle it and sell it, we'd make more than Astra-Zeneca (sp?) and Lilly and friends put together! no one would have to put up wtih BP craziness ever! our families would be spared the trauma and stigma they have to endure by having a loved one who is mental lol

It'd be like that episode of Seinfeld: "SIMPLICITY NOW!"

[z0tl]

when i'm depressed i can't stand anyone telling me anything. i'm a negative sob anyway, so all "look at the bright side" and "don't worry, it will get better" statements are automatically giving me mortal itches deep in the exocortex or somewhere in there where it's hard to scratch anyway.

someone mentioned "hang in there" - that's of course only appropriate when pondering autodarwination (that's a new term i heard for suicide or could be a euphemism, i don't know these details). kill me now.

[realitytest]

Thank you for the "just simplify" sympathy (and thank you too Loon-a-tik for this great mass venting op thread! You are a PR GENIUS, girl).

Another whopping gripe. My mother sending me self-help books she hasn't even read (but needs to). Most unfavorite theme: "Letting go of Anger" etc.

Translation, let go of your anger at ME.

No, YOU don't get it, lady. I don't care how pre-Alzheimer's you are, (Have you ever been different? I'm invisible and inaudible, right?) . DO YOU HEAR ME NOW, BITCH? I'm shouting - for the first time. (Oh dear,, she's passed out. Strong language, you know? Never mind that I'm told daily by somebody I love , "I'll dance on your fucking grave."...And so much more)

Smelling salts, please. Is there a doctor in the house? Member American Psychoanalytic Society, if possible.

Before you lose it altogether, how's about you apologizing for all the shit you rained down on me? THEN I'll think about forgiveness!

Feelings. Ever hear of those... or were they too "ego dystonic"?? How the hell DID you go through 20 years of analysis anyway? Ever have any feelings towards me. besides resentment and jealousy? (Quick, free associate: "DAUGHTER" What comes to mind first? )

It's not my fault I didn't like clothes and horses and debuts you dreamed of at my age. They SHIT as far as I'm concerned. Good thing they wouldn't hahaha let Jews join the Country Club and have debutante crap in my town even tho you hid the Jewish deal like I was supposed to. (The nose, Mom, the nose!)

It wasn't hating you that made me not like that stuff. I DIDN"T LIKE IT GET IT? I HAVE A ME! (At least, I started out having one) .

But hmmm. It DID give me the idea.

Likewise Judaism. I'm Jewish. That was MY CHOICE. (Er. um. Or was it? Uh, how was I born?? Dad changed his name to the psuedo AngloSaxon one. Very antiSemitic town, you guys brought us up in).

It sure wasn't a way of getting back at YOU.

And it was no excuse to kick me out of Dad's funeral reception, shrieking at me (with only family remaining). You know, Lady, I was very ill, alone, and had a newborn baby. (Even tho I know the breast feeding made you feel like puking. Well, I'm sure it did that baby a world of good, you childish whiner, to have his mother introduce him to Life with tears falling on him as she nursed. Which was just for starters, of course, with MUCH more to come. Fast forward to last paragraph).

So I drove five hours "home" on the coldest night since they started measuring in PA. How? In a Rent a Wreck, driven by a - gag - husband who returned immediately to his girlfriend.

Everyone else hung around the fire, trading reminiscences about Dad with his friends. Party time! Invites for days. (Did anyone ask where I'd gone? Just curious. )

The ghastly funeral itself was led by a stranger, who talked about what a "wonderful man" Dad had been. Dad would have cried PHO-NEE at the word! (And you glanced around worriedly as the "guests" departed, asking:

"Oh dear, do you think it was a success?" Sorry to giggle in your moment of grief, but, Mom -- How...How YOU!)

Thanks a bunch for telling me all the time, what I thought and felt too, BTW. Dr. Stein meant well in his own fucked up psychoanalytic way - tho how come Fritz you know who, committed suicide? My peer whose parents also sent him?)

That doesn't excuse YOU poking your multiply altered nose, into all my private writing, whether of not it was partly about you. (Rationale: "If you left it out, that meant you unconsciously WANTED me to read it") . Permit me to laugh. NO! It meant I'm absent minded, same as now. ("Absent minded", that 's a good one, come to think of it. "A mind is a terrible thing to lose, Mom". Ever hear that one?)

Whoops, getting carried away (just wrote rant against God which I may post in as yet unestablished forum to be called, "THE DEITY SUCKS')

OK, back to thread theme.

Do NOT INSTRUCT ME OF WORLD CHAMPEEN MBD ADD OBD SED Intermittent Explosive Disorder+++ son, "all you have to do is say" 'D-. it's not nice to act that way."

While we're at it, when #2 aged 15, becomes schizophrenic - and I say I'm anxious about his returning to school (as is he) - kindly do NOT say, "It'll be OK when he gets back in the groove and makes new friends to play with."

rt

[blackbunny19]

I like this topic.

the other day, my boyfriend was talking to me about a guy he knows who also has schizophrenia. He was saying that any symptom i have, this guy has about 10 times worse. That he can't hold a job, is living on disability, etc. Saying my schiz is pretty mild.

...i know he was probably just trying to make me feel better, but it kind've annoyed me because it's that whole thing about compairing people's suffering and thinking you can measure who has it worse that really pisses me off. And it made me feel like he was saying, "you don't have it so bad..this guys got it way worse so just get over it"

Also, my dad is constantly telling me "you just need to get out there, make friends, get a job, go to school..i know you can do it!!!" ...ugggghh

I also get annoyed with people constantly telling me "it could always be worse" and "think of people in other countries who are starving and homeless and sick, etc." I know most people say this to help you feel better and be thankful for what you have, but lots of people seem to be saying this to tell you to just shut up because your problems are nothing compaired to others (again, compairing suffering, which i loathe) Even though im sure many people do have it worse than me, this is not going to make my problems go away or really get any better in the long run.

[MiaB]

My brother on Monday (having dragged me out to an all-you-can-eat meat buffet, disregarding that I've been a strict vegetarian for 9 years) --

"You need to eat more protein. Are you eating protein? Protein's good for the brain and you won't need all those pills!"

My sister --

"Well now that X (my husband) is gone, you can stop taking all those pills!"

My mother --

"Protein! You need protein! You need meat, chicken and fish! Yes!"

My father -- (spot the family fixation)

"Are you becoming anorexic? That can't be good for your brain. What about all that bipolar stuff? Are you eating protein?"

Other brother --

"You need to get out more. Are you meeting guys? You need to go out and party. A new man will change everything."

{mutter}

Oh oh, forgot the friend at university who spent 6 years telling me "Just act as though you're happy, and happiness will follow!" (big smile)

[Loon-A-TiK]

HAHAHAHAHHAH to everyone! i get just about all these same responses too!

I'm also a strict vegetarian. I'm usually vegan, unless I'm going to a restaurant, then I'll eat cheese. It just spares the cooks some kind of mental melt-down.

ARE YOU GETTING ENOUGH PROTEIN? HOW ABOUT YOUR HORMONES? (I'm 27 and NOT in menopause)

It must be HORMONES. Have you had a THYROID check up? (AT my mom's prodding I got my pnurse to order a thyroid panel).

Maybe you are just bored. You need to do community service.

But I was DXed when I was 7...it isn't like it just goes away like zits do in puberty...

You should outgrow it. No more dancing on bar tops half naked for you!

[Sunshine]

"Have you tried melotonin?" (for my insomnia)

[Thomas]

This asked of me last night by dear wife:

"You're not doing drugs are you?"

"No!"

"Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that?"

"I'm not doing any illegal drugs!"

I'm not, I haven't since 1974 and I don't know why she was asking.

Tommy

[Stasis]

"Do You Have a Plan??"

Plan?

Of course,

how

Many ways

Are there?

Fuckwits.

Stasis,5000 plans

[Wonder]

ARE YOU GETTING ENOUGH PROTEIN? HOW ABOUT YOUR HORMONES? (I'm 27 and NOT in menopause)

It must be HORMONES. Have you had a THYROID check up?

My mom is always saying it must be my hormones, too. Because she thinks that if it's my hormones, then it must be temporary, caused by me being in a certain stage of my life (although I don't know what stage; I'm 26), and that eventually it will just go away.

[realitytest]

When I was in the (regular) hospital with a severe side effect to Nardil I was devastated. It was the only AD which had ever worked for me, and I thought of it as a gift from God. To think of having discontinue it was - well , it was just one more nail in the coffin, Seemed like somebody up there didn't after all, like me. opposite.

Speaking to my mother by phone,about the medicine. I talked about the possibility that it was implacated in my unmeasurable orthostatic hypotension (stoopid FORMER family doc, didn't make the conection so I was kept for ten days!!). Mom just tssked tssked and tut tutted. "That medicine just sounds like the devil.'s spawn".

So. stop it immediately (of course!) Why had I even thought of taking anything so dangerous?

I tried patiently to explain to her that I wasn't taking it for fun, that it was the only thing that had ever made me feel OK. Words failed me. To finally find something that worked - allowed me to feel and function normally - and then have it cruelly yanked away. (If, in fact, it WAS at fauilt. Prayed not. )

"Stop it!" Blithely. "Those medicines are SO dangerous.." (Yeah, Mom. So is suicide ) SHe continued, with more lecturing. ."Our take a pill to fix everything society..blahblabla " . Always remembered that "devil's spawn" remark. (almost as dumb a metaphor as it was cluelessly insensitive ).

rt

[CheshireCat]

Oh, RT, that "Take a pill to fix everything society" blah blah BS...that is some of the worst! Such self-righteousness. Yes, if we were as together as all of you people who could pull it together with all that f-ing sunshine and exercise and eating right and self-help books and Oprah and shopping with friends...we wouldn't be leaning on these pills.

When are we going to get out of the dark ages? When is MI going to be seen by everyone as legitimate illness?! When can we all get it, people, that the brain is actually a part of the body, not some magical la-la land of rainbows and stars where fairies of personality live and it's all just about thinking good thoughts?

Jeez...I am so with you, RT. Grrr.

~Cat, trying to pull in her claws

[Loon-A-TiK]

Tommy- your dear wife is a real TRIP! are you doing drugs? well, YES- ones called Abilify and friends

[Thomas]

Tommy- your dear wife is a real TRIP! are you doing drugs? well, YES- ones called Abilify and friends

That would have been a much better response.

Tommy

[Becca]

Oh my GOD, you guys! You kill me! I've been a strict vegetarian for a half a dozen years, too, and I cannot COUNT the number of times people have asked me if I get enough fricken protein.

I'm sure a big bucket of KFC would just do WONDERS for my mood.

My dad is really new-agey so he tries to slip Deepak Chopra and books about loving the inner me and nonsense into the bookshelf in my old room (when I visit). But this is kind of an age-old fight between us- he's been pushing this stuff on me since I was old enough to be cynical.

[anotherBP]

My friend said this: "You're still taken that?[lithium]" and "You just need to pray and meditate more. It takes a lot of practice. The more you do it, the better you get at it, just like anything else"

Ummm...Ok

[blackbunny19]

A X friend yelled at me once while i was going through the process of almost never coming to school and about to drop out, "Why can't you just tough it up and finish school!!! Your not the only one whose depressed, Jessie!. I have that problem too, but i can at least face it and do it!

I hate all that fucking "If I can do it, then so Can you!" bullshit

[blackbunny19]

just wanted to add....

this one's the worst,

"You need Jesus in your life! he loves you!!!!. Go to church! Pray! Accept God!" And then Everything will be alright....*puke*

[mrsloony]

"therapy is an indulgence for the wealthy", said to me by a guy on a blind date. ( does that mean you expect me to pay?? haha. )

if someone says thay have a headache and you ask if they took aspirin and they say"oh I don't like to take anything" knowing full well i swallow 15 plus pills a day. guess what: i don't like to take anything either you self rightous bitch!!

oops- sorry got off the point- by the time i read all the posts i forgot it was about "positive things".

these included things like "look how blue the sky is" and see how pink that flower is?" aren't they beautiful?

answer NO and I don't Care!! stop trying to be a billboard for life!

[Loon-A-TiK]

I've gotten some really good ones...

Oh yeah, forgot to mention, I spazz out when I want attention apparently. According to my family, it isn't stressful situations that make my BP worse that make me need to be hospitalized, it is wanting ATTENTION because the situation takes attention away from me!

Now, I'll never really totally get that one...

Let me process that, while I have a meltdown. The hospital is across the street.

[wifezilla]

"You need Jesus in your life! he loves you!!"

My reply to that is always....

"Well Jesus loves you too. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole."

[chinacat]

My daughter, when she was a teenager, came up with a great reply for people who asked about our religious "adfffiliation" (i.e., are you saved? Do you know Jesus? etc) We are in fact Unitarian Universalists, but NOBODY knows about that, so she would tell people we were "Satanic Quakers"

Usually shut folks right up--

Remember Jesus saves--cash and coupons! And--Jesus is coming, and boy is he pissed--

Yours for being irreverant--

china

6666666666666

[Loon-A-TiK]

But you know, we need to Find The Lord.

I want that KFC! It is calling, let me tell 'ya!

[resonance]

Satanic Quakers! That's fantastic.

[toplessviggen]

I've gotten some really good ones...

Oh yeah, forgot to mention, I spazz out when I want attention apparently. According to my family, it isn't stressful situations that make my BP worse that make me need to be hospitalized, it is wanting ATTENTION because the situation takes attention away from me!

--OOOHHH I love this line... what a topic.. I think you have a book here Loon.... ---

Yes, I get that too..!! Don't you know we all do this for the FUCKING attention.. shit, it is a blast dropping 23 pills a day and living on a rollercoster on steroids(shit another drug).. and how much can I say about those great days in hospital,, and especially when I get the '' all inclusive'' packages, you know from sandals isn't it, or scandals,, c/w special whites n arm ties.. the lovely textured wall room.. and the house special .. ect alla square wave,, ,,

Yes sir eee we have it all don't we.. shame on us,,

I have a couple that I ( with that fried mind of mine) can come up with...

.. just had a psychologist(big surpise) say .." It can take some time before you come

to terms with your illness and get off the pills..."

and this guy has a degree and feeds himself too,, no shit...

ahhm Mum,, thanks so much for the so often:::" It makes me so sad, you were so

smart and had such potential.. I feel guilty.."" ahhh KILL ME NOW

and.. " If you would get a job you would feel better about yourself''

actually I feel pretty good about myself for not RIPPING YOUR NUTS OFF!!!!

I am sure we all get the exercise one.. well hey FU... I am breathing, and that I am considering giving up so back off

.hopingly not offending anyone... err.. I , yes , am BP .. and you guys, though no one else knows.. we can be E D U C A T E D ... and I am a C H E M I S T so when these dumb fucks come along and say:

"" you should get off all those drugs , they are full of chemicals,, you should go to the Health Food Store and get something ~~~~~~natural~~~~~... ""

I have to wonder , they think 'natural' is made out of if not chemicals,, some have some nice benefits..don't run to the editor yet... but sorry, this stuff wouldn't know a double blind study, let alone err ,, clinical trials....... there is snake oil in some snakes...

After all,, I DO HAVE A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE ,, DUH,, oh forgot, I too am unnnnatural

Hey, everyone,, remember when you get that visit in hospital and you hear the uncomfortable::

'' so, what do you do in here'' .... ahhh... honestly;;; spit out pills and fuck my brains out. ya see that nurse over there...

oh, bad flashback.. and thank for the xtra 8ect guys..

oh oh.. time to take meds... oooooooooohhhhh..

then I will chat " I do not have an illness" 6 times, and come back and tell you how that workes out for me.. LOL

luv it

David

[Greenyflower]

OK. So several years ago, I had a young assistant at work who was originally from Atlanta. A couple of years into working with her, she became manic as all hell over the course of three or so weeks. Scary manic. Not eating, not sleeping, hallucinating, figuring out the secrets of the universe... She called me one night when she was crashing and I took her to the hospital and sat with her until she was admitted.

She had no family close by. I called her mom in Atlanta to tell her what was going on, and got one of the greatest parent-in-denial lines I have ever heard:

"Oh, don't worry honey. She's always been a little dramatic."

I wanted to crawl through the phone and strangle the bitch.

[realitytest]

Parents in denial? EVERYONE in denial.

Or more like it - simplifying, so it's easier to "understand" things (and walk away dismissively)

The "it's just" syndrome.

"He's just doing it to get attention".

Now it's no way MY problem. He's doing it on purpose.

I'll teach him a lesson. I'll ignore him! (He'll dust himself off and cut it the heck out, if you walk way.)

Stop feeding the beast with attention.

"You're just encouraging him"

(WHY do fathers tend to say this more than mothers, huh?

Especially of their sons?).

JeezusfuckinChriss.

Could be said of so many - from the violent loonies who hit the headlines (Manson, whazzisname who shot Reagen - the one who stalked Jodie Foster. The guy up in the deer tower) to the ones who just run down the street nekkid to escape their Enemies.

Or the kid down the block from me, the cops found drinking kerosene from the filling station on the corner.

Most of all, it hurts me when it's said of ordinary little kids bewildered by haywire brain chemistry and/or by the dull-witted (sometimes cruel) adults around them - incapable of empathy for their own children. The teachers, the counselors, the parents...All too often, making things even worse instead of better.

Ah, I have it, though, they say - all able to agree on this one thing. Eureka! I'm off the hook (and OUT-TA here!..Zooming to escape responsibility).

"He's just doing it to get attention! "

Can't you just hear somebody saying it when they walk in on their teenager dangling by a rope in his bedroom?

(Guess it they ignore it, he'll stop being dead! )

rt

PS That was nice of you, Greeny, helping her like that. Lucky for her. and BTW, I love that line from the Eric Bogle song.

[toplessviggen]

one of the best ones I just experienced in group therapy :

situation:

various moods.. eg sad angry happy etc and the range withing each eg for angry :annoyed>rage with healthy response half way between five given...

Dr Blah Blah, asks " can anyone relate"??..

......... this is an embarrassssing hard issue that just hit me in the face and I , sitting across from him ( circle shit ya know) with tears streaming down my face.. with quivering voice raise my hand and say: 'Oh God yeh, I just realized with my BP, that I live one either one extreme of each emotion or the other and don't really experience healthy feelings much, what to do with that?? It is scary!!??"

"Ok, anyone else...?"

'no. Let's move on>."

there are no other BP in group and any BP traits mentioned and I am stid by like a hooker in Quakerville..

Sometimes it is the great non response and the flight actions which say the most...

(Yes when other brought up stuff later,, he just chatted em up and treated em like, you know .. being there?@)

David

[~nestling~]

David, I hate that when they do that in groups...the best groups are where there is a combination of individual and group-connection-related work.

I do empathise with you.

[mel1]

"Chill Out"

%#&* off!

"You need to get a job"

"No, really?"

"You need to get your head out of the sand?????" (not a bad idea, head in sand.....Just kidding!)

"your medication is making you worse"

How the %$#@ do YOU know that??

You don't need medicine, just face reality(?) and suck it up and deal w/ it."

You see too many doctors. (Like I enjoy spending my free time going to doctors when I could be buried under pillows and blankets all day long)

You're doctors are all quacks, that's why you're not better.

You were fine before you started taking all that medication. (Then why the @#$# did I start taking them in the first place, hmmmm??)

end rant

mel1

[resonance]

My father has told me a couple times that it's normal for people to have mood swings in graduate school due to the stress.

I haven't actually told him how bad it was. I don't want him to know that I went into partial hospitalization twice last year, or give him descriptions of what was actually going on.

I'm grateful he doesn't bother me about going off medication.

[wifezilla]

"The teachers, the counselors, the parents...All too often, making things even worse instead of better."

I can attest to this. And if these "authority figures" messed ME up (no MI), I can't imagine the damage they do to someone with brain cooties.

You are taught to look up to these people and they lie, degrade, and humiliate kids at a fragile point in their development. Fuckers.

[CheshireCat]

"If you would just realize, really realize, how much everyone around you loves you and cares about you, this wouldn't be so hard for you."

I tend to run away when I'm manic and my MI manifests itself in generally self-destructive ways. I feel so guilty and sad when people say this to me. Like I have control over it.

[Loon-A-TiK]

You said it so well David.

I also get it now that it is my dad's death that makes me moody, or as I said, something about my HORMONES (mom's favorite), or those herbals I should take, oh, here's one

My pdoc and tdoc don't know what they are talking about. they want me to think i'm worse than i actually am so they can push more medication on me. lol

nevermind that their goal is always to treat me with med increases during symptom/disorder peaks and back it off during quieter times. If they really wanted to drug me I'd be taking more than i do. heck, they could really pile it on with my lovely disorders!

cheshire you are fab, and china, I'm UU (pagan UU) too, and always just tell people i'm a witch. then being wiccan gets the blame. i'm being "brainwashed" (by who? i'm solitary). lol

[sepia]

I find normal people advice for conquering depression is rather like being given driving directions for getting out of Toledo when you're stranded in the fucking Amazon. And they do not listen.

/tangential rant

[toplessviggen]

I find normal people advice for conquering depression is rather like being given driving directions for getting out of Toledo when you're stranded in the fucking Amazon. And they do not listen.

now THAT is an exact and precise description of what it is like ..

thank you for putting it down .. plain and simple... RIGHT ON THE MONEY

david

amazonian

[chinacat]

AND--they have no idea WHY you are in the Amazon, when you could esasily be in lovely Toledo. Its like we secretly told the travel agent something, when , in fact, we just got off at the wrong stop.

china, lost in the jungle

[LikeMinded]

Classic gold from my aunt, Dr. Tomasina Cruise:

"You should try meditation first before medication..."

Thank God she changed her opinion after learning that I went so crazy I've done SI and almost been evicted from the house I lived in, in addition to having had 5 suicide attempts between ages 9 and 15, and almost again attempted when I was 19, that time, with a fail-safe plan.

[celestia]

Ella, perfect. You nailed it an contibution I could make would be repetitive and banal. My parents, now that they've grown up from the abusive tag team they were when I was a kid, just keep pushing the god thing.

"As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is." [paraphrased] but to me that says, I have *thought* myself into this state of mind and being and thusly I can reverse the process.

"Just keep asking god to show you the way, honey."

This is were I'm going "la-la-la-la-la-", fingers in ears.

I want some Kentucky Fried Chicken NOW...NOW, NOW, NOW!

S9

[null0trooper]

"As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is."

What if you think you're God?

[celestia]

I dunno, man, I'm usually running about this point...AWAY....and as fast as my lame ass will carry me.

[Loon-A-TiK]

OMG- here's are the 2 worst I remember. sorry if i repeat myself- it is the ADD-

1. i was like 15 and my very, very weird tdoc invited me to go on a "natural" retreat where clothing is not required and there would be holistic/"natural" embracing with nature and something about dancing naked around trees...needless to say, i decided being bipolar was better than following her advice/invitation-

2. I was 21, in college, and an hour away from my pdoc and tdoc. i had to speak to a healthcare pro right then, i was freaking and spazzing out. The doctor at my school clinic asked me to get on my knees, kneel, and PRAY with her that my bipolar disorder would be healedQ!!! it is just going to go away! wow, didn't i feel better. i went home and wrote a suicide plan, which my husband talked me out of. i wrote a complaint to the school and she was replaced for that behavior. good goddess! and i even told her I'm Wiccan. Pray dammit!

Dance around trees naked (EMBRACE nature!) and PRAY (you gotta have god in your life, even you of different belief sets!).

LOON since she was 7

[null0trooper]

Dance around trees naked (EMBRACE nature!)

Dance around trees.

oookayyyy

Naked.

not good. think dead-fish soft white underbelly

No shoes.

um

Acorns

ow

Twigs

OW

Sand spurs

&%%*

Fire ants

"In yer ear wit a spork!" to THAT.

and PRAY (you gotta have god in your life, even you of different belief sets!).

Oh, SOMEone would be praying if I let myself get conned into that. Plenty of opportunity to talk to one's deity

right up close and personal.

[LikeMinded]

null--

fire ants. DO NOT EVEN REMIND ME!!!!!!

The last time I lived where I live now (I was 6 at the time), I was flying a kite from my apartment complex's tennis court when I'd apparently stepped onto a mound. This is where I learned the literalness of the phrase "you've got ants in your pants".

[wifezilla]

Saturnine,

You obviously have the problems you do because god is punishing YOUR PARENTS for THEIR sins. You are just god's instrument....hee hee hee.

(I would give a million dollars to see the expression on their faces when you drop this on them)

Damn...I am evil tonight. I better go for a walk or something.

[Guest espressogrrl]

Sometimes I go into hermit mode and dont leave the house. I have a friend who then comes downstairs (apartment building) and shoves pictures of her little trips to the beach, the woods, whatever on me on her $600 cell phone. You should take a walk, she says. She can't leave the building without coming downstairs and saying "i'm going to *fill in the blank* you wanna come?"

My GF does the same thing. go for a walk go for a walk go for a walk. it's not like thanksgiving dinner. i can't walk it off.

[null0trooper]

She can't leave the building without coming downstairs and saying "i'm going to *fill in the blank* you wanna come?"

Even when she goes out to get laid.?

[Penny Century]

what the hell is with the walking thing? and the getting outside? my dad calls me all the time saying "i just wanted to make sure you're not moping." moping? gah.

he has started telling me that i should be more like the stoics, they just kept on going and expected life to be hard. great. fancy pants grin and bear it. blah.

i had a shrink who, three months after 9/11 (i lived in downtown manhattan), told me that i "need to get over it, it was a long time ago and you weren't hurt."

he also said, in response to my complaint effexor wasn't helping my anxiety: "you need to find a way to deal with your stress, you can't expect medication to fix your probems." to which i said "ok. how? what should i do to deal with stress." his response: "everyone deals with it differently." that's it. not even some advice about exercise and meditation, nope. just i had to find a way on my own. and get over my ptsd already. fucker. sorry that was a rant there.

[spaceman]

"Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" sounds good,woke up the next day and that sneaky depression done stole my boots!

Brian

[null0trooper]

Don't forget "Smile! It's not so bad!"

Then I smile.

And they back away slowly ...

hypocrites.

[realitytest]

Don't forget "Smile! It's not so bad!"

Then I smile.

And they back away slowly ...

hypocrites.

Nullotrooper, you desperately need one of those buttons with the yellow smilie face on it, smile all twisted and reading 'But I AM smiling".

hmmm...:- }

rt

[spaceman]

Ilive in Texas and boy do we have some fireants.

Her's some advice never hit an anthill/mound with a weedeater!! Trust me you'll only do it once!

Brian

[Guest prefers to remain]

My favorite (best friend says this *all* of the time)

"I think when things start going well for you, you won't need the medication anymore."

You know, because I'm only crazy when things are going bad for me... Or, things might be going bad for me because I'm crazy. Or maybe it's *because* I'm medicated that things are going better.

And... when in anyone's life has there been an extended time of NO STRESS??? I wanna know.

[Loon-A-TiK]

My mom used to be an LPN and my cousin just got her Associate[s in medical assisting, so they are EXPERTS.

I get to be told that I[m obviously fine, nevermind that my whole family has one huge mental disorder, and would not be able to recognize it in others because to them it is normal.

I[ve been told that I look spaced out (while taking nothing) and then normal and happy (when taking gobs of psych drugs).

I will never understand. They will never understand.

We[d better get our bags packed and move to Toledo! I live in the Cleveland metro area, so Toledo isn[t too far. I could withstand the trip with minor mental breakdowns. Now the Amazon, well, I[ll need some Klonopin for that, because I[m afraid of what animals lurk there!

VACATION is what I need, obviously. So I asked where I could go that is cheap and hot. My so-helpful cousin suggested i LOOK AT PICTURES OF HAWAII WHILE HAVING THE HOT WATER TURNED ON IN THE SHOWER!!!

THAT will cure bipolar disorder. She will be rich when she markets it. She[d better share the wealth.

[realitytest]

VACATION is what I need, obviously. So I asked where I could go that is cheap and hot. My so-helpful cousin suggested i LOOK AT PICTURES OF HAWAII WHILE HAVING THE HOT WATER TURNED ON IN THE SHOWER!!!

THAT will cure bipolar disorder. She will be rich when she markets it. She[d better share the wealth.

The Sharper Image has probably already marketed one, Loon - with sound effects and smells.

Enhanced version includes a pinch of psilocybin, and a Toucan to let loose in the battroom. Maybe a pirnaha for the bathtub!

rt

[Angelwhore]

When i worked in a pub, people used to say see my depressed face and helpfully say "smile! it might never happen!" And i wasn't allowed to be rude back - trouble with working in the customer service industry. Grrr.

[grousemouse]

i have no reply to people who say things like those mentioned here. no anger about it. no effort to respond, to justify myself. i guess i just don't process it anymore. my mind goes blank. it does the same thing if people ask why i can't do something or why i think a certain way. my mind just fades to blank and i stand there with an empty expression. and yeah, i feel pretty stupid about it.

grouse.

[toplessviggen]

Oh God , I am going to hear shit 'bout this.. but it works...

I have had it with people , you know , they have heard all the TV ads and the Cel e be r a teee s that have it allll to gether and so MI is NOT an issue anymore,, RIGHT...

so ,, anyone else get... : I thought they

1.. could control that

2.. had a cure for that

to which I respond to both

YES,,,, death..

sorry.. I had to put it in... bad mood swing and just feeling 'swell' today

david

[GroovyGwen]

When i worked in a pub, people used to say see my depressed face and helpfully say "smile! it might never happen!" And i wasn't allowed to be rude back - trouble with working in the customer service industry. Grrr.

Duuuuuuuude - that happens to me all the friggin time when I am really down. People say "Smile, it can't be that bad" to which I grimace, while quietly envisioning them getting hit by a truck.

[wifezilla]

"hey have heard all the TV ads and the Cel e be r a teee s that have it allll to gether and so MI is NOT an issue anymore,, RIGHT..."

Well its not a problem when you pay a small army of people to follow you around and make sure you don't so anything TOO stupid. That's where Tom Cruise got in to trouble...he fired his handler a while back.

And people say all kinds of dumb things to me about my youngest (PDD-NOS).

I just ignore them. Questions too stupid for me to even answer. And most of these come from my dad

[minxnoir]

okay here's my tidbit. it isn't so much what someone said as what they did. it was the cable guy. i had just moved and he was there to hook up the cable. i was in a mixed state/rapid cycling kind of bad mood. it came and went. but i was not smiling. of course this became his focus. he said all the stupid shit you guys already know and kept asking me what was wrong, and i finally said, "i am nuts, bonkers, crazy, okay?" usually this stops folks. but no. it was just the beginning.

he revealed he was really a Pentecostalist Preacher and that he felt God telling him to heal me! i have NO medication for this sort of thing! so i stood there, praying for cable, while he waved his arms all around me and spoke in tongues for what seemed ages. he did a little mini-exorcism too. i just stood there in silence. my affect was flat. he lucked out with that, really. if my mood had swung who knows what i might have done? but i was a patient if puzzled sequoia. eventually he finished and got back to putting in the cable. so i guess my prayers were answered. alas, his weren't, since i am still a lunatic.

was he kind? he thought he was. was he arrogant? was it impolite though well intended? which one of us was crazier? i kept wondering that during the whole weird ritual. *sigh* but he can hold down a job and i can't. to the world at large that says it all.

and oh this ~ after being carted off to the hospital by the police in a 5150, in handcuffs, while delusional and psychotic, upon recovery and eventual return to my apartment, i was told by a family member that i was "just melodramatic". *twitch* edited to add: that family member was the one who 5150'd me in the first place... sometimes there is NO winning. *thrash*

great thread! thankies!

minxie

[brenagirl]

oh yeah so after experiencing my first manic spell ever (about a week and a half)...and I suggest that "maybe" there is a problem....my mom says

ahem "Sebrina it's all in your head"

---I wanted to say..no shit, so help me get it out........aaarrrrgggg

[LikeMinded]

was he kind? he thought he was. was he arrogant? was it impolite though well intended? which one of us was crazier? i kept wondering that during the whole weird ritual. *sigh* but he can hold down a job and i can't. to the world at large that says it all.

minxie

Y'know, that guy doesn't HAVE to be able to hold down his job.

No, really. You should have him reported. That kind of conduct is completely inappropriate from a home service professional.

I'm not one to make value judgements, but it looks like you deserve to hold down a job much more than he does.

But I'm glad you stayed patient with the man without escalating the situation. I'm unsure if I could have done the same.

(And it doesn't matter what side of religion the guy's on... if a repairman came into my apartment and called me a God-loving freak for seeing my copies of the Bible and Bhagavad Gita lying around, I'd kick him out and have him fired, too.)

[toplessviggen]

::i was in a mixed state/rapid cycling:::;;;

he felt God telling him to heal me! i have NO medication for this sort of thing!::::

but he can hold down a job and i can't. to the world at large that says it all.::::

Hi Minxie,

Aren't those rapid cycling / mixed state thingys Great...

I don't think the Dr.s were understanding what the hell we were trying to explain up until

a few years ago with that one! I remember some 20 odd yrs ago with them questioning my

BP diagnosis ,,"" maybe he is .. well I dunno,, ??"" and they would pass me around to another consult... and another combo of pills... wheee.. I am NOT a happy camper when I am having that .. sort of the anxiety~depression type combo... God, ya have to luv it when they come at you in groups ..

And No ,, the have not yet discovered a med for assholes... long overdue , in my humble opinion..

but then I am MI,, so I have no valid opinion,, ask anyone.. MFers...

The job issue.. this one really gets me,, !!!!!

IF<< >> IF I COULD I WOULD LUV TO WORK!!

It, contrary to popular belief , is Not like a holiday , to be off/not working ,, because of being BP/MI...

Hey folks ,, this is NOT a party you want to come to...

but...

if you want my place at the table I will gladly give it to you in exchange for a normal life.

do you think the get it.. not bloody likely..

thanks for the vent... ahhh,, feeling better..

If < I > or someone I am with, say again something that I have just done in passing , during conversation,, and somebody gives me that condesending..

" isn't that nice" with a smile.. shit.. with the ever present lingering ((( for a mentally ill person )))

like they are about to pet me and give me a 'treat' , I will be up for manslaughter...

'nuff said

david

[resonance]

They actually do have meds for assholes. They call them...

...suppositories.

(I couldn't help it.)