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Sat here fighting off tears

WHY you ask

On saturday afternoon I saw one of the evils from the past, Im not sure if he saw me

but now all I can do is see him and what he put me through

chills down my spine

argh

sorry

Lea

xxx

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Yup my head has been flashback central since the weekend, which is shitty, I keep disasociating as well which isnt helping the situation, getting mini self injury urges which are iritating me as Iv not hared for 363days and trying my best to think positivly

Im sleeping a lot (thanks to the wonderful benzo's and painkillers I have) but sleep isnt helping as Im having graphic nightmares to all that HE and the others before him and those after him have done to me.

I want to be held by someone and told things will be ok and them be ok.

My anxiety is stupidly high as well, had a 45 minute anxiety attack earlier and managed to somehow prevent myself from passing out,

gah

I HATE BEING ME AT TIMES LIKE THESE.

thanks fot taking the time to reply

Lea

x

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can you call your p-doc and talk about it? can you get some extra benzos until this passes? And it will pass.

Sometimes when I have a rough patch, my p-doc gives me extra Klonopin until I feel better. Usually about a week.

And remember to walk, take time for yourself, rest, and watch a lot of movies.

Breeze

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I already take more than the max amount of benzo's a day with pdoc concent there is no more id be allowed which is shite..

I have just got back from the pub (I do the quiz every tuesday night with friends) I thought it would take my mind off things, which it didnt, .......... anyone who knows me knows not to drink Bacardi breezers around me and they respect it, (long story) a friends friend came to join us and was drinking a bb, needless to say I went skitz and the guy is now wearing his BB,, I ended up sat on pub floor in tears screaming, my friends who know me well, know a lot of my past, and sat and tried to talk to me, but I couldnt hear them it was just noise, Im feeling so vulnrable right now I want so badly to harm BUT I WONT, I hope

gah cryhing as I type

gah its midnight

sorry

x

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You don't have to be sorry. It's so hard when that happens, when you see someone like that. It's not fair that he was the one who did something wrong but you're still the one who gets stuck with all this crap.

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Spent the whole of last night being sick due to anxiety and flashbacks, haaveing fb's to what he did and what others did to me

it all seems so real and is terryfying me beyond words

im gonna go and try sleep if i can.

x

Spent the whole of last night being sick due to anxiety and flashbacks, haaveing fb's to what he did and what others did to me

it all seems so real and is terryfying me beyond words

im gonna go and try sleep if i can.

x

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