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hey everybody, ive had a bad few days but also a revelation...


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so, my bad went from bad to worse. finally got the rx that i dropped off on mon filled thursday evening. i had a bad thursday evening as i started hearing voices and even saw a scary creature thingie that screamed at me.

anyway, i went to my tdoc on friday and was gonna tell her all about my elation and spending spree last week, my nasty agitation and outbursts last weekend, my depression and edginess this week, and all the problems i was having with the pdoc, the rx, and then of course seeing & hearing things that werent there.

i get to her office 15 minutes early and the second i stepped in the door, the front desk people tell me to stop and that they are closed for 2 more hours. i told them i had an appt in 15 minutes and after 10 minutes of checking they say that i DID have an appt but i was bumped. BUMPED? no one told me. their log did show that i was not notified but too bad so sad, all the dr staff was gone to some meeting. i asked when was i bumped to. their response? well, you were cancelled.

i started shaking and crying cuz i had SO much i needed to talk to my tdoc about. plus she had offered to let me borrow the bp workbook last time i was there but i didnt borrow it at the time cuz i was feeling good and didnt need it then. this time i was ready to ask if i could borrow it. i explained this to the front desk staff who paged the tdoc for me to make sure it was ok to get the book out of her office for me to borrow. when the nurse came over to tell me the tdocs answer, she said, that no i cant borrow it cuz the tdoc had told me to BUY it not BORROW it. and thats a total LIE!!! it was in my hands and she had said to me, do you want to take it home and work through it? doesnt that sound like i was being allowed to borrow it???

anyway, i left out of there with no appt, no book, no desire to carry on with this crap anymore. i talked to my husband and he agrees with me that the tdoc and the pdoc and crazy. i need to find new ones. i told him about the crazy shit i saw and have seen in the past. id never told him before. ive also told him im gonna quit taking the lithium. it obviously isnt working if im still flying high, then getting severly agitated. he and i agree that i will keep taking the anti-dperessant and next week i'll seek out a new dr.

oh one more thing that pissed me off about the dr. i got a bill earlier this week from the tdoc for $10. i called the billing office and told them i have paid my co-pay each and every time ive been there and never walked out without paying. she asked who i saw on my first visit and when i told her the dr name, she said oh well, hes a resident and you didnt see the real dr and thats why you were charged more. HUH??? i told her my ins is for the practice, not any particular dr. i could see any of them there and my co-pay is the same no matter who i see! of course i was getting upset cuz this was happening in the midst of my rx difficulties and being reprimanded by THAT dr office. i had it coming and going from both ends. anyway, the billing lady told me to calm down, that she would check on it, and call me back the next day. guess what? she never called again. and this is from the same office that cxl'd my appt and didnt bother to tell me. hubby says i should bill them $10 in gas for the 45 minutes round trip for nothing. and then to lie to me about the book on top of it all.....

anyway, im sorry that i always go on and on like this. i just wanted to give everyone an update, if anyone cares. im gonna start looking for a new dr next and hopefully a new dx. see, we're thinking that maybe im just making myself crazy with all these different drugs theyve had me on and like hubby said a couple of months ago, reading all those bp books, who wouldnt end up bp.

but i want to make it clear to you all, i did NOT seek out a bp dx like was talked about in that other thread. the dr gave it to me and i denied it. then i started reading all those books and did all that dr prescribed pill hopping and then i 'bought into' their dx. the more they told me thats what i was, the more i believed it. the more i believed it, the more i became it. see?

and now, im quitting. im quitting the dx, im quitting the lithium. and im starting over. new dr and hopefully, new dx. after all, how whacko can i get? i cant get much more whacko than i am now. i wrote in my journal last night: i am crazy. but im not BP. im just psycho.

sorry to bore you but thanks for reading to those who did. godspeed to us all...

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If your problem is more on the schizoaffective side, then why are they giving you lithium anyway? lamictal is the bomb! zyprexa alone is the bomb, but it will turn me into a whale if i'm not careful...lol

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Can I quit being bipoloar too?

Would you like to talk about how you go about finding another pdoc? I may have to do that in the fall and I'm kind of at a loss.

Sorry about all the problems. That sounds incredibly frustrating. If most of those people actually knew what it was like to be us...

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Wow

It amazes me the way people are treated by the medical profession. These people are clearly jerks and now you are running scared. Even though you may be BP.

Suggestion? Stick with the Lithium until you find yourself another p-doc. If you are going to stay on Wellbutrin alone, and you are BP - you are gonna fly all over the place and perhaps become incapable of finding a new p-doc.

good luck. Slow down. And I hope you have better luck this time.

And also in the meantime, why don't you buy that book?

Breeze

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Hi, I'm not BP but I am a little crazy, too. It's very good that you talked to your husband about all that is going on. My husband is very supportive when I need to talk about my crazy and he's been able to point out patterns of my behavior that I didn't see because I was in the midst of them. Keep talking to him about all of it. If dropping the lithium and staying on the anti-depressant backfires, at least he will be able to communicate to the doctors what is going on. And your tdoc's office sounds like a bunch of dipshits. Good for you for standing up for yourself and finding new doctors.

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"If you are going to stay on Wellbutrin alone, and you are BP - you are gonna fly all over the place and perhaps become incapable of finding a new p-doc."

First thing that popped in to my head when I read your post.

Good luck finding another doc.

Those people you saw are jerks.

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I'm sorry to hear your bad time has gotten worse. probably even more so thanks to shitty therapists/doctors. You should focus on keeping yourself sane enough to find a new doctor, losing your sanity because of some pissants is way not worth it.

Hope things get better soon. Keep talking to your husband, it seems both useful and possibly cathartic:)

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Hey Betcsu,

Nothing to add, other than what the folks who know more about BP than me who have already spoken. Loon and Wifezilla could write the book.

Well I am on my way to the depression board to read again why living is such a hot thing.

Good Luck and be Blessed,

Suzanne

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bestcu,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such a rough time of it.

I've just skimmed through some of your previous posts, and it looks like the agitation and edginess has gotten worse since you added Wellbutrin to your lithium. FWIW, anxiety/agitation is a known reaction to Wellbutrin in many people.

So it's really not clear to me why you'd want to drop the lithium and keep the Wellbutrin. I vote for dropping the Wellbutrin...

Take care,

cache-monkey

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I'm sorry you had to go through all that shit. (The part where they tried to charge you an extra $10 for seeing a resident instead of a doctor who had fully completed all of his or her training is especially bizarre.)

One of the first things that occurred to me when reading your post, which a bunch of people have mentioned already, is are you sure it's the best idea to go off the lithium and keep taking an antidepressant alone? I know you're not sure that you're really bipolar, but if you are, it's possible that things could get worse if you're taking an antidepressant by itself. I'm not going to tell you what pills you should or should not take, of course, but if you're going to take the Wellbutrin by itself, you should at least remember that it might make you hypomanic, or manic, or mixed, or rapid cycle, and keep an eye out for any signs of that.

Good luck with finding better doctors.

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bestcu,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such a rough time of it.

I've just skimmed through some of your previous posts, and it looks like the agitation and edginess has gotten worse since you added Wellbutrin to your lithium. FWIW, anxiety/agitation is a known reaction to Wellbutrin in many people.

So it's really not clear to me why you'd want to drop the lithium and keep the Wellbutrin. I vote for dropping the Wellbutrin...

Take care,

cache-monkey

I agree. And what about increasing the lithium while you're looking for new pdoc? I fear that on Wellbutrin alone, you're going to get manic and then psychotic.

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I have had almost the exact same expertiences since I moved to lovely Fla. But I also had one doc, who, after requesting every psych medical record I had--from Charleston and Fla--informed my when I called for scheduling my first appt that "he has decided not to take you as a patient." What the fuck--too crazy? Not crazy enough?? Wrong kind of crazy??

I'm telling ya, this whole pdoc thing, with a few exceptions is a RACKET--pure and simple

I wish you good luck in finding a new doc, but I gotta tell you, I have had rotten luck here. Sigh--

very frustrating. First doc changed all my meds around until I was crazier than ever and ended up in an inpatient thing, then they got me back on the right meds, and I started trying to find another doc here.

Well, the story is long and unpleasant--I just hope things go smoother for you.

Really sux to be crazy and not have anyone care--

love, china

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