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My Parents Reaction


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Hello!!

It's been about four weeks since I told my parents about my Depression and SI through a letter. At the time, my Mum asked to see what I use and the cuts/scars I already had back then. I refused. Since then, I have been continuing to wear a jumper at all times when they are around and recently I have started to wear long-sleeved t-shirts. I am almost at the stage where I feel I can make the first move to wear a t-shirt around them. I feel that this will be a big step forward in wearing just a t-shirt in public. However, I can't get over the fear that they will react badly, despite that I asked them not to look shocked, stare, or make a fuss when they saw them.

How should I approach this? Should I just walk into the room as though nothing has changed? What do I say if they say "let me have a look" or similar?

I don't know how to do this. I just don't want to hide anymore, but I am so scared. It feels as though I will make an attempt to do this, but that they will react to them in a way that makes me feel bad. I don't want this to happen, but I know I will not know what to say or do besides shout, storm out of the room, and run back to jumpers.

Take care!!

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Hey easyrider, I've been following your saga the past couple of weeks. Just haven't jumped in, cuz, well whatever I was going to say had already been posted.

Let me ask you this, other than asking to see what you use to cut with and your scars, how else did your mom react? I'm not sure I caught that part. Because if she didn't freak out on you then, then I wouldn't expect her to when she finally does see. Give your parents some credit. They love you, they want the best for you. It sounds like your worries over their reactions are causing you more distress than their reactions ever will. I say show em, get it over with. It's kinda like torturing yourself by postponing a phone call you don't want to make. The longer you wait to do it, the worse it is on you. Especially when you are worried about what the person on the other end of the line is going to say.

How should you handle this? Whatever way makes you the most comfortable. Just put on a tshirt and walk around. They'll catch a glimpse. But they might feel weird about it since you told them not to stare, look shocked or make a fuss.... Can they ask you questions? What's considered a fuss?

Look, from my point of view as a parent, if my kid were in your situation and I finally saw the scars, I would want to look at them, touch them, run my fingers over them, then hold my kid (and probably cry) and talk.

As uncomfortable as it is for you, you should also try to look at it from their point of view too. This is new to them. They don't know what to think about it or what to say. I'm sure they have questions.

Just my two (unprofessional) cents

Croix

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Let me ask you this, other than asking to see what you use to cut with and your scars, how else did your mom react? I'm not sure I caught that part. Because if she didn't freak out on you then, then I wouldn't expect her to when she finally does see.
She was very calm, reassuring and supportive. She told me they are there to help and will always support me. It was very nice of her :)

The longer you wait to do it, the worse it is on you.
This has stuck with me. I will try to remember these wise words whenever I feel as though I am rushing into something. I can't help but keep putting it off though currently ;)

How should you handle this? Whatever way makes you the most comfortable. Just put on a tshirt and walk around. They'll catch a glimpse. But they might feel weird about it since you told them not to stare, look shocked or make a fuss.... Can they ask you questions? What's considered a fuss?
Ummm..... yeah, I think it would be OK if they asked questions. I have no idea what sort of questions they will ask, if they do, but I would be OK with it. I consider making a fuss to be... um..... what you described. I'm sorry. I just had to be honest. I thought it would be the best thing. It's so nice of you to care about your children so much. I never get any warm, hugging, talking moments between me and any of my family, so this is the most unlikely reaction in my opinion. It's just..... I want them to look but not let me know they are paying too much attention.

I think you are very courageous for telling them.
Thank you!! That means a lot to me :cussing:

Take care!!

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if my kid were in your situation and I finally saw the scars, I would want to look at them, touch them, run my fingers over them, then hold my kid (and probably cry) and talk.

croix,

this is the kindest, most honest, tender, and amazing thing i have read in a long while.

it did something to me, and it wasn't bad.

wiping away tears,

pj

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What about giving them a one minute time period to really look and then it would be over. You can do anything for one minute.
I never gave any thought to this idea. It sounds really good. I could tell them they can have a good look at them, but then that is it in terms of looking closely. I could stand the embarassment and tension inside me for five minutes. Do you think this would be OK? It seems like it would save a lot of secrecy and anger. The time isn't right today though. Thank you so much!! ;)

Take care!!

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hey easy rider, i havent really spoken with u that much so u probably dont know my story but i went through a similar thing with my parents just over a year ago. but unfortunatly i was told "tell them today or you will be committed to hospital because you are no longer able to look after yourself".

So i didnt have much time to think about how to approach it. so i told them what was happening and they wanted to see. and as HARD as it was to show them i did it. They didnt touch or come in with magnifing glasses for a close look, mum just started crying and dad just kind of froze.

for them i think they just had to see it to know it was real, and to comprehand the gravity of the situation.

i hope your parents can be as good about it as well. and by the sounds of it they will be ok. You are never going to know how they will react until you show they so i would just apporach them and let them know you are ready. that way you dont have to walk on egg shells so to speak wondering have they noticed and are they looking.

Sorry i cant give better advice, good luck, best wishes.

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Hello!!

Don't worry about it, Iona_Viona, your advice was really good.

I feel more confident in telling them now. My nerves are not as great. They know about my Depression and SI, so soon I will just tell them I feel ready to show them and then show them. I don't mind if they touch them or take a close look for a few minutes. I guess you are right - I don't know how they will react, but it feels like they will be OK about them. I will feel a little better once it has been done.

I'm sorry to hear you had to make such a complicated decision in such a short time.

Thank you.

Take care!!

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BTW didnt mention in my last post that actually showing them, and allowing them to really see and understand what was going on made them a lot more open to helping me and accepting of the situation.

its kind of like living a lie when u are hiding something that is such a massive part of your life at the moment. when you finally share and they are able to respond it really opens up, well in my case it did, the communication and understanding and i think if i hadnt of done it i wouldnt of made the progress i have so far.

so best of luck for u

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