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does anyone hear jibberish when others speak?


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trying to figure out if this is normal for bpers or just another way that i am fucked up.

my mind could be thinking one thing, but when i speak, something different comes out. if i see a tree, i might say "look at that fence over there." just say something totally wrong than what i thought. it also happens when i try to write something. the words flow so beautifully in my head.

how about when people speak to you? they could be speaking directly to me and its as if they are speaking a foreign language to me. i just can't comprehend what it is they are trying to tell me.

i know my short-term memory is screwed. as well as other bpers.

my memory in general sucks. i don't remember names of songs, people's names/histories, any kind of detail.

always had a sense of not belonging to this world. everything happens outside of myself.

feels like a cloud or blanket is covering my brain.

can't function in a disorderly environment/situation.

i over-indulge in bad habits.

my motivation sucks.

what is/is not bipolar? i believe there is something more. does anyone have any idea about what kind of doctor i should see?

i would love your input!!!

Thank you,

Kathryn

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My god It is Scarey.... I could have written this.. shit,, bet you know.. I had to look at the bottom cuz I could have forgotten and written it..

Sorry Kathryn, I have not read anything about you.. oh yeh..I will check your profile.. don't go away.....

well that helped me not.. so I am unfamiliar with a lot of your history.. but I 100% hear you. I experience many of these too. well all.. but not all the time.. I don't know I anyone inc Dr can give you all the hard and right answers, but it would be a place to start , certainly if your not already tied into a good pDr.

The 'float' and disconnection is a killer, and very frickn scarey, memory, well that is a very .. close to my heart subject and for me when I get panicy and all obsessive about 'it has to be here. I KNOW i just put it down' and I start whirling in my head till I think I am totally going to loose it.. no coming back time.. that's what I have just recently gone thru myself.. fucking hell.. As for being part of This world... I am not sure I have a membership card often,, if not for this board... dunno... I can't get grounded , nothing feeling real/ I don't feel real.. bit confused bout that.. what ever it is, there is a barrier there and it IS real,, well it sure seems that way..

Me going on about my shit may not be what you need.. know that I relate so your not alone,, sometimes I deceive myself with the 'brain blanket' feeling thing and pretend I have just paid down good $$ for a buzz and it is a coming on and I lay back and try to enjoy and not fight.. ehh , sometimes it works and I get a free ride...

When motivation aint there it is great to throw a lot of to dos, here is one..

lighten up on yourself and for me I had to throw away the Absolut and hide my CC to start... all my shit is in my profile.. but if it is hard to find

ya can write me any time at hotviggen@shaw.ca.pants (remove pants to send to the real addy) anytime and I will get back asap.. I admire you put it together to expain it and ask.. 2 weeks ago I couldn't..

David

(PJ - edit to protect toplessviggen's email address)

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Guest Guest

oops, will get on that profile in the next couple of days!

glad to hear someone who relates.

its hard to lighten up. i anaylze everything and it is constantly at the top of my mind. i am reminded of it when i see people functioning and aware of who they are. comfortable with themselves.

as for to do lists, man, i have made quite a few. with the same shit on it year after year. i lack some kind of drive, weird.

anyway, hope you aren't having too much trouble with things. it is a process. one that will only make us better.

take care,

kathryn

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that's me above, not guest. who knows.

i can see how people go mad.

knowing all the answers, seeing the end.

yet having no means to achieve it.

able to think clearly and totally understand it, but having no way to express it.

sometimes i get diarrea (sp?) of the mouth. my mouth just spews stuff that comes from somewhere other than my head. i usually make an ass of myself.

and i have a hard time making decisions.

and all of this, it floats around in my head for months or even years until it forms some kind of cohesiveness. only then can i write it down. and i don't always say everything right the first time or at all and am constantly editing.

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I too have a hard time making decisions,, even little ones,, seems the big expensive ones are easier/?

yeh , easy to say lighten up.. dumb to say.. I can't on myself.. thought maybe you could but was sum dumb , sorry..

today I started journaling, point form , no particular order.. and (sp) LOL.. now that slows the flow.... I try not to 'get it right' . eh ,comes out not to bad bad,, my eyes only anyway.. but trying to put a finger on why i am much more than a BP diag. as I pu a number of pamphlets at hosp. wrt

personality disorder etc / the ol axis of nuttyness. etc.. wow . well I am a poster child for this one too..

relationships.. all , everthing.. all really messed up and this is what has launched me out on another pursuit of where I veired off the path from the rest out there.. so I have been writing all day... thinking all yesterday and last night..

keep this up and maybe I wll drive myself into a mania. that would realy not help at all.. so all in moderation... I hate all I have missed,, all who have disappeared from my life...... oh yeh, i figured that was you

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I would have gotten back sooner to your reply , but I checked the

;;;; enable email notification .. ';;; box.. so was watching for mail.. nothing so figured you had called it a night, then thought would just check back at the board and saw your mess.. so .................................

and you needed to know this why?????????????????

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how about when people speak to you? they could be speaking directly to me and its as if they are speaking a foreign language to me. i just can't comprehend what it is they are trying to tell me.

i know my short-term memory is screwed.

my memory in general sucks. i don't remember names of songs, people's names/histories, any kind of detail.

feels like a cloud or blanket is covering my brain.

can't function in a disorderly environment/situation.

my motivation sucks.

what is/is not bipolar? i believe there is something more. does anyone have any idea about what kind of doctor i should see?

These can be symptoms of depression. When I was at my worst, I thought others were speaking in a foreign language. As I improved, I understood words but they seemed like they were simply words strung together without coherent meaning. Sentences didn't seem to have any underlying logic. And of course brain fog is infamous!

You didn't say whether you were on medication, but it certainly sounds as though you need some type of med that has an anti-depressant effect. If you aren't on meds, a GP would be the place to start, but if you've already begun the med-go-around, perhaps just a referral to a pdoc.

i over-indulge in bad habits.

Meh, don't we all?

Good luck.

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