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I didn't know where to put this, so I put it here. While I was hospitalized they put anger mgmt in with depression mgmt.

I go through cycles of blame and sadness and anger. I'm upset at myself that I didn't notice he wasn't acting right and do something about it, I'm angry wiht him for leaving me to grieve, I'm just angry. I'll always love my dad, but his exit hurts so bad and rips me into shadow shreds of myself.

Add BP and PTSD (which is going nuts right now), sexual assault, the list goes on...no job...

just needed to talk about it.

Anyone have any good anget mgmt advice?

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No advice per se, just an observation. Working on anger issues is called anger management, not anger elimination, because it never really goes away. You can learn to live with it and understand it and control many of the destructive behaviors that go along with it. It's a lot of work. It doesn't happen easily, and relapses are a given.

You've already done a lot by figuring out what it is that you're mad at. Keep it up.


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to paraphrase what Greeny says in my own words from my own experience in therapy.....

its to safely feel and hold the anger, and express it in the right place, like therapy.....to contain it, and not be so overwhelmed by it.....

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I think this was the right place to post it.

I think it's really important for you to realise that it wasn't your fault at all. You can't blame yourself for what happened. I know I can't imagine what you are feeling and how much it must hurt, but I just want you to know that you shouldn't be upset with yourself. You did not do anything bad.

You don't have anything to be ashamed of either. If you don't have a job, that does not matter. Anyone who says anything bad about what could be put on the list isn't worth bothering with. I'm not sure if it will help, but your posts help me to realise what a legacy and how much pain I would leave behind.

As for controlling and managing your anger, try to sit down, breathe, and focus on pulling through. I know you can. You could try putting on music. Sometimes I listen to loud, heavy music and basically get into the music (by whatever means besides throwing or breaking things) when I am angry. I'm sorry, that's the only advice I can offer, but it's what I try to do when I feel angry. Either of them I find can help.

Take care!!

Please reply to let us know how you are doing..... *concerned*

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My temperament is naturally angry, and, for good reason IMHO, bitter. Probably as angry as my Dad, who didn't control it very well. However, because of all the poison from him I've made a big effort to keep my anger from hurting other people. I think I've mostly succeeded, tho sometimes I can't totally keep a lid on it. On those occasions when I'm REALLY cranky, I try to make clear, to my girlfriend for instance, that I'm not angry at present company, but for other reasons, and am frustrated if I can't keep a lid on it. Sometimes it feels weird to say it, because in the moment I am so sure that she deserves a hard time, since she didn't tie her shoes the way I thought she ought to, or needlessly delayed answering a question of mine for a few seconds. But later it turns out to be right.

I'm not really sure what else I do to control it, except that I've been trying hard since maybe 4th or 5th grade.

Another thing I do, when things are really bad, is just get the hell out. I try not to slam the door, and go out for a walk or something. It's better than losing control. It may be good to let someone close to you know beforehand that you do this to calm down, or else it can be misinterpreted.

A certain amount of physical activity can be helpful, although sometimes it takes a lot. You can work out to exhaustion or just do something milder like a walk. Doing something fast, but not to exhaustion, may not help much.

Not everyone can do this, and I couldn't do it very well before Adderall (and Adderall means I need it more, unfortunately) is to stop, try to do meditative breathing, and let go of things. This can be pretty impressive in the short term if I get it right. Seems to me we sometimes wrap ourselves around our troubles, tighten up, and don't let go. To the extent that we can unwind ourselves from this, it can help. If you want to visualize while you are doing this, you can visualize breathing out angry stuff and inhaling something peaceful. I tend to imagine some kind of cosmic distance that I'm working at, tho I'm fully aware that the air comes from the room I'm sitting in.

It's been a hard couple of years since my mother died and my s.o. announced her decision to leave in the same month. But things are getting better, assuming my Dad stays out of the hospital and I get a job before I go broke. Or the time I had a painful injury and didn't know if I'd be able to walk again, or even be without pain. But that got better too.

Your situation sounds pretty different, and I'm sure it's really hard not to blame yourself or find some other undeserving victim. Sometimes we get stuck in these places and there's no quick way out. But later it turns out to be worth holding on through the difficulty. And you may realize later that you are strong. Also that it was ok if under the stress at the time you acted less than perfectly.

I hope you have some friends you can lean on a bit so you don't have to bear this all by yourself. But sometimes even that is possible to get through.

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