Unregistered Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 OK, so I've been around here long enough to be sure that I'm not being tracked, or my real identity could be discovered, so I guess it's time to introduce myself... My family is/was pretty dysfunctional and my parents were somewhat screwed up. My father is dead now, but never saw my mother naked in their entire married life (40+ years). So I suppose I should think myself lucky to be here at all. The 'uptight' theme continued, really. We didn't do 'emotions' at home, I just got given 'stuff' instead by way of a substitute for affection. After I was eventually dx'd as bipolar and I told my mother, she calmly announced that my father had been so crippled by anxiety that he had to quit work 10 years early. She'd hidden this from everyone for 40 years. He never had a relationship with me because he was terrified I'd reject him. He burned my favourite fire engine when I was about 5, because he didn't think I played with it and it was taking up room in the garden shed. I played with stuff in private (as an only child), and they never had any idea what I did or what I played with. But you don't miss what you never had, so my early childhood was OK. When I turned 11, I went to senior school. It was 30 miles away: a bus ride, train ride and another bus each day to get there. I left at 7.15 am, got home at 5.45 pm each day. Not surprisingly, being 30 miles from school, I had no friends I could see outside of school. Oh, and I was bullied. By the time I was 13 I was getting episodes of depression, but as we didn't do emotion at home, I just hid it. By 16 I was getting suicidal and started serious ideation. I came close to going under a train several times, and shooting myself on one occasion. Eventually I went to university, and the sudden freedom of being away from home and with girls (my school was all boys) sent me slightly nuts. After three years, I was well and truly bipolar: finishing an entire year's assignement in 4 weeks, screwing anything that stayed still long enough, deep alcohol fuelled depressions. More to follow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.