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I'm feeling crappy.

When I think about my life, it seems like a series of failures. What bothers me most of all is worry that I am a social outcast, and that people start to be my friend but then lose interest in me.

This really hurts my feelings. I have a really hard time in social situations. It's not so much that I am shy, but that I lack confidence and that I feel that I'm always rejected in the end. I'm also not that smart or sucessful. In fact, you all on the board probably think I'm annoying and/or won't respond ;):)

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Ahahahaha! You're wrong!

You're wrong about us, so clearly you must be wrong about your life being a series of failures, that you're a social outcast, that people lose interest in you, etc.

When I first came to CB, I put up a couple of posts like yours here. I didn't get a huge response (in some cases, no response at all) so my fantasy of being hugely unlikeable and ignored and unloved was true!

So then I went and started peeking in the windows of some of the Springer threads. I would read up, and stop in and say hello. I asked if I could hang out, and got a "yes." So I hung, and posted, and responded to what other folks said, and added stuff of my own.

Then I'd ask a question, and see if the people on the thread responded. Usually someone would. So then I'd go to that person's thread maybe and say hello.

Then I got my own thread. I go visit other threads, and yak, and then come to my thread and yak. People come to my thread and yak.

I still see myself as boring and ignorable, but I keep trying to build up experience that will prove me wrong.

So? If you feel up to it, come visit my thread! I'll always say hello back. Or visit Olga's thread. You won't be ignored!

Come on, come visit.

lily

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I'm feeling crappy.

When I think about my life, it seems like a series of failures. What bothers me most of all is worry that I am a social outcast, and that people start to be my friend but then lose interest in me.

This really hurts my feelings. I have a really hard time in social situations. It's not so much that I am shy, but that I lack confidence and that I feel that I'm always rejected in the end. I'm also not that smart or sucessful. In fact, you all on the board probably think I'm annoying and/or won't respond ;):)

Have you always been this way? I mean since you were young. Is there anyone around you that you would like to be, meaning having their confidence?

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Believe it or not, I'm actually surprised to read that you would think the you are considered a failure here or otherwise.

Its one of those discussions that I have with the Pdoc when I'm depressed and everything since the begining of the world is so obviously hopeless. I try to explain to the doc that when I'm depressed, that it doesn't matter how positive I try to be, its beyond my control. When I feel better I don't even think about the bad stuff, and I don't want to do anything "introspective" that might drag me down.

Its all the illness talking. If you aren't getting relief, hammer your pdoc.

Hang in there, (same for you synthetic)

a.m.

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I've observed that there's not very much correlation between what people believe about themselves, and what other people can see (or at least what I see). Lots of nice people think they're useless, and lots of jerks think they're God's gift to others.

My s.o. sometimes has little spells where her depression comes back for a little while, and it's distressing the bad things she says about herself then. Most of the time she knows better.

I suppose I still have a few problems being social, but I'm much better than I was. I realize that back when I was hopeless it was really me rejecting myself, which was why it happened so consistently. To a large extent, that was the depression speaking.

One way to be social that's a bit easier is to pursue something that you're good at, or that you like so much that you're going to get good. I've now been a member of a local hobby club for 20 years. My talent is recognized pretty often, even if I don't go to contests. And I like doing the hobby stuff, so it's a double win. People say "I wish I could ______ like that." It's very likely you can find something like this and it will happen to you.

This all may sound excessively cheery. Certainly I have lots of problems left, especially economic ones. But the above is true, as far as I can tell.

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