Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

how am I going to get through today?


Recommended Posts

I'm at work.

This is teabreak.

I feel awful.

My eyes hurt, and want to cry, feel that weepy deep heavy feeling.

My skin/body feels like its made of paper glass. I feel fragile. Touch me and I will break, or if you are safe, I would fall into your arms and cry.

I feel dizzy.

Everything feels far away or too close.

I feel so sad, I want to exist. I feel like I don't exist. I feel as light as air, and as invisible and fragile, vulnerable.

How can I get through the day's work until 6pm? (its now 2o to 11 am..)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can't say anything to fix this or give you any real answer to the problem except to say that you will make it through as you have in the past and will again in the future. I go through these breaks from reality, where I don't feel like I am on the same plane as the rest of the world. Sometimes I have the strength or am in a situation where I can tough it out, distract myself with something around me that feels somewhat familiar, other times I run away and hide and go through the pain of seeing myself as a coward. Both methods have their lures and both exact tolls on us. I don't know how to stop it from happening, haven't found the way to break the cycle, but so far I have survived. I am in no place to give advice, I haven't handled my depression in any brilliant way and live from day to day. Sometimes it is the best we can do.

Susie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

nestling,

I have had so many days like that at work - I know it totally sucks.

I just usually sit in my cubicle & cry - most of the time it helps. Of course, my co-workers know something of my situation so that either just let me get thru it or the one lady here will try to talk to me & help me get thru.

Do you have anyone at work you can talk to?

Do as raven says - go outside - get some fresh air - talk a little walk around - it will help.

hugs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi.

yes. I'm ok. I made it through. reading your replies really helped me get through.

Susie, what you said about the pain of being a coward, I can so relate...although, I feel that pain, so very deeply, and the shame....I know it also is self criticism....because really to get through days when feeling like this, demands bravery......hiding is ok...I wish I'd had somewhere to hide...but there is nowhere in this workplace, its an open plan office and there are 6 of us. The toilet is a public one as well. and anyone from the library or the outreach dept could walk into the kitchen at any time..(I did hide there last week though...)

reco49, thank you....it helped to 'give my sorrow words'.... getting how I was feeling into some words contained my feelings more safely, and then putting them up on the screen to communicate was a step further....a safe container, where I would no longer be alone....

because I feel so often...

stranded

and

dislocated in time and space...

I wrote these words on the way home..

Between broken wings of velvet darkness

I hide shattered eyes.

I knew heartbreak before this world was born,

Chaos unleashed in an embryonic flood

Leaving me

Drowning

In air.

Raven, you are absolutely correct. I can usually ground myself fairly well, but, at times like these I am so wrapped up and entwined in pure raw panic/anxiety and fear that I am frozen....freezing is one of my earliest defences and protections...

I am unfreezing in therapy to start to feel and be alive...for the first time really, and, well, its not a straight line..especially when my other self, the very young one, cannot understand and retreats to her automatic defence.....its like being frozen and melting a little and then freezing again a little...have you ever seen the distress ice/water goes through when this happens...???

Yes, I had some chocolate for pudding at lunch. a mars bar. precisely for grounding purposes, and it did help.

I wish there was a park where I could go and lean against a tree and feel nature, but its in the middle of a high street in a town centre.

Wakko926, There is one person at work that I feel safe enough to talk to a little, but I have only been here a couple of months (having been transferred there as acommodation of my MH issues....)

and I don't know anyone as well as my previous manager, who, although she made booboos now and again, she had once had a relationship with a Borderline man, so she had some idea of what's what...she saw everything, all the worst of me...as it were, all my most difficult symptoms, and I had to tell her the history of my depression when she filled out the form for my referal to the occupational health dr...

It helps to know I'm not the only one who suffers such things...

(I wasn't sure quite where to post this, but, its adding to my depression so I figured here was as good a place as any..)

Reddog, yes, I am ok. Home now, and no work until Saturday. I can sleep in tomorrow, and only have therapy to get to.

Yes, I still feel fragile, but its somehow more manageable when I'm on my own.

I have to figure ways to cope when it happens again, which it will....mornings are the most difficult....

I am never sure when to call in and say I'll be in later...I mean, what do you say, just "I'm not feeling well?".. They know I'm depressed and such. and they are good at giving me space, someone else was late in yesterday and the manager was no hassle, just asked him if he was ok....

uh, this is getting long....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...