Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Now I've injured my hand


Recommended Posts

I went off Paxil about a week ago because it was making me uncreative. I hadn't played guitar in a long time, hadn't really written anything, forget about recording. All my friends are doing interesting stuff, and I just wasn't getting ideas.

So I quit the Paxil (which was a minescule dose anyway) and around that time, my 1/2 brother told me that my dad, who has always been neglectful of me, told my brother he "didn't feel any responsibility" to me.

That confirmed my worst fears, that my dad didn't love me. I thought I would wait til I saw my counselor, just a couple of days, but apparently I couldn't wait. I flew into a rage which seemed to come out of nowhere. I was in my car, started screaming, hitting the steering wheel with my hand... came home and broke a glass bottle over my leg, and hit my head repeatedly with something plastic. Totally out of control. I swear I cannot get control during those times. Now I'm scared because, 2 days later I am sore everywhere, large bruises appear all over my body, I had a killer headache last night, and worst of all, I can't play guitar because my hand hurts to hold the pick.

I think it will get better. I fell on this hand a couple of times in my life, it's fragile, but I think the strength will come back. Meanwhile, I'm scared, I feel like a failure for not being able to control my rages, and I feel STUPID for self-injuring, especially when I'd been doing so well. Wish I could be normal.

Does anyone have any techniques for controling rage? is it even possible? When it comes it's like a tidal wave, it totally takes me over and there is no time for "deep breaths" or anything like that. I am clueless, help me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

how about tearing up old newspapers?

scribbling over large sheets of paper is good too..

jumping up and down on the spot and screaming has helped me in the past...as well as just running round and round my flat (when the flatmates were out, of course...)

you're not stupid, just struggling to regulate and manage intense emotions, that you've never before learnt how to. its hard. take it in small steps, and reward yourself with a treat when you make even a small step forward.

take good care of you....also, arnica cream is good for bruises.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

how about tearing up old newspapers?

scribbling over large sheets of paper is good too..

jumping up and down on the spot and screaming has helped me in the past...as well as just running round and round my flat (when the flatmates were out, of course...)

you're not stupid, just struggling to regulate and manage intense emotions, that you've never before learnt how to. its hard. take it in small steps, and reward yourself with a treat when you make even a small step forward.

take good care of you....also, arnica cream is good for bruises.

I'll see if I can find arnica cream.

Thanks for the advice. I'll have to carry a sketchbook in my car.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...