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daily reminder

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ok so i havent actually posted on this board for a while because i have been avoiding anything to do with self injury because the slightest thing triggers me off and since i went to hospital in dec last year for self harm i sworei wouldnt do it again cause i DO NOT want to go back to hospital.

heres my current situation. even though i have been avoiding anything that may trigger self injury in me. somethings you cant avoid (tv, magazines, other peoples conversations) but here is what is really unsettling me.

after i left hospital i was the fattest i have ever weighed. i was gross. two months ago i said enoughs enough im going to the gym, eating right and losing this med weight. i decreased my meds but was fairly stable.

i lost 15lbs so far. Great i hear you say! well thats how i feel on the inside until i look at my body and what do i see nasty ass scares staring at me! for some reasons they look heaps more big now and puffy, they really stand out a lot more then when i was fat. i used to cut mainly with razor blades so the scars were thin lines to begin with. now they are wide and puffy!

looking at them makes me want to cut more, i know that doesnt make sense really cause the scars i have i think are so ugly, but the daily reminder triggers me and i cant get away from it!

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