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They ARE talking about ME, aren't they?


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I am so paranoid. I think everyone is talking about me, all the time. That girl in the tanktop and green skirt, which would be me...she's breaking the library rules by using the computer center too much...I can hear their voices around me...they're even staring at me...

How many of you get like this? Any variations on it?

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Oh, God, yes, and it's horrible. I posted a little bit about it here, but that post is more about the auditory hallucinations than the paranoia.

I've been doing much better for the past three years, but the paranoia and delusions still happen for short periods of time, and I hate it.

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I had this problem when I used to leave my house. I nearly jumped out a 4th story window at school because of it.

I can only manage if I am with someone I feel I can trust, or heavily intoxicated on some drug.

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I'm generally not much of a psychotic (I mean really, I'm convinced I'm actually severely dopamine-deficient), but I saw this post at the top and could relate.

When I was in Baltimore in November 2005, I swore to all holy hell that people in the department were chattering around me that I was about to get fired (actually, most of it seemed in support of me, but it was still about the possibility of me getting fired).

I thought I was finally going psychotic.

Then I got fired. =P

In a retrospective of the situation, my pdoc gave me the sage saying, "Well, I guess it's not paranoia if they really ARE talking about you..."

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I feel everyone is looking at me, staring at me.....I can't handle sitting opposite someone on the tube....if they come and sit opposite me, I 'check out' to see if they're looking at me, and if they are, I move.

Its because I desperately want and need actually to be SEEN, but in a good way.....in an accepting and welcoming way...and I'm not, so I have these angry projective identifications and paranoid feelings....

I don't have auditory hallucinations as such...apart from the onrunning commentary in my perception of myself that was formed by the bullies when I was a tween and teen.....

And when people laugh or ridicule my 'crazy' behaviour...or my anxiety and panic....it brings on the shame and the fear and....

...yes, they were talking about me...but....

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I feel everyone is looking at me, staring at me.....I can't handle sitting opposite someone on the tube....if they come and sit opposite me, I 'check out' to see if they're looking at me, and if they are, I move.

Its because I desperately want and need actually to be SEEN, but in a good way.....in an accepting and welcoming way...and I'm not, so I have these angry projective identifications and paranoid feelings....

I have the same issue with underage girls. I don't know if you want to count that as 'good', 'accepting', or 'welcoming', however.

Depending on what's on their minds, 'illegal' might be a better term. ;)

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Paranoia has been creeping back recently. All my "friends" are down on me because they suspect I'm hiding being gay (I've racked my brains for why this is a common feture of my psychosis and I can never work out why - I support gay rights and I'm a bit kooky but I'm pretty damn sure I'm not gay) and they know I'm lazy and it's like there's something just over the horizon that they can see and I can't and they are laughing at me behind my back for being generally stupid. They are also reading all my posts on the internet and my blog and have possibly hacked my email passwords because I need to be monitored and you get the picture... I do have a good grasp on the probable fact that nothing like what I'm fearing is happening but its particularly bad today and after going for lunch with two people and watching them exchange mocking glances when I said stupid stuff I might end up regretting having a right old paranoid rant at them this evening. Fuck.

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Paranoia has been creeping back recently. All my "friends" are down on me because they suspect I'm hiding being gay (I've racked my brains for why this is a common feture of my psychosis and I can never work out why - I support gay rights and I'm a bit kooky but I'm pretty damn sure I'm not gay) and they know I'm lazy and it's like there's something just over the horizon that they can see and I can't and they are laughing at me behind my back for being generally stupid.

To solve the gay issue, you could just dissolve their doubts by doing the archetypal wrist flick and declaring how something's just "so ffffabulous"...

(No offense intended to actual homosexual males here -- I have many gay male friends [yeah yeah, archetypal excuse, bite me =D], and none of them fit the stereotype of the gay man the media likes to portray. In fact, they're pretty much all uniformly offended by the "Queer Eye" show.)

And the lazy thing, I sympathize with that. I have indirect evidence that my (Indian immigrant, work hour-exempt, 10 years older and therefore 'wiser', postdoctorate student) co-workers find me to be the worst slacker there is. I spent almost 12 hours at work one day (was sort of obsessed with getting an experiment done), and one of 'em joked, "what on earth are you still doing here? I thought you always leave before 6!". Jackass. ;-) I did give him my rather gruff "I'm not impressed/amused" look, which is when my eyelids sort of sink and I stare at someone.

Before anybody here starts on me being racist, I would like to inform y'all that I'm in fact of Indian descent myself. Same skin color, same kind of funny unpronounceable name, but a different belief system. I suppose that makes me more 'nationalist' than racist.

Perspiration's one of my key desires, and I'm very often perseverent to the point where it may no longer be constructive, but unfortunately I happen to value intelligence over slavery, which will probably prove disastrous to me the next several years. =D (I've beat a dead horse on that in previous posts, I think everybody on CB knows my situation by now, so I'm not going to bring it up again here.)

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I'm going to talk to you IN FRONT OF YOU! Why are you so concerned about offending people? Just out with it!

*disclaimer* herrfous has nothing against gays or people from India or people not from India

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I'm going to talk to you IN FRONT OF YOU! Why are you so concerned about offending people? Just out with it!

*disclaimer* herrfous has nothing against gays or people from India or people not from India

But I do hate YOUR guts, Loon! ;)

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To solve the gay issue, you could just dissolve their doubts by doing the archetypal wrist flick and declaring how something's just "so ffffabulous"...

In a good mood I will actually let random jock scum believe I am gay and watch their reactions go through a series of comedy readjustments. Trouble is I did this with my boss once and from then on I don't think he ever really trusted a word I said and clearly hated my guts. I left after 9 months.

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I used to think everyone knew what a fraud I was. Trying to appear normal is so difficult sometimes. Meds have helped me a lot. These feeling are very real when they do pop up though.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am so paranoid. I think everyone is talking about me, all the time. That girl in the tanktop and green skirt, which would be me...she's breaking the library rules by using the computer center too much...I can hear their voices around me...they're even staring at me...

How many of you get like this? Any variations on it?

Yes it is bad, and it used to bother me, but then I realized that normal people hallucinated like this too. It's just that someone like me who has schizoprenia would totally blow it out of proportion, I can't think of a better way to describe it.

But according to buddhism, everybody's full of delusions because they think that things inherently exist. This is what leads to alot of confusion. All phenomena are empty of inherent existance.

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That was very rude of him to say. But I actually do do that, I hallucinate people to talk to, it doesn't work all the time, but sometimes it makes me happy/not lonely. I am actually getting skillful at it and our conversations are becoming more complex, yet more visualizations and memories than anything. It is something I practice doing!

Of course, I know I am just having fun.

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I am so paranoid. I think everyone is talking about me, all the time. That girl in the tanktop and green skirt, which would be me...she's breaking the library rules by using the computer center too much...I can hear their voices around me...they're even staring at me...

How many of you get like this? Any variations on it?

I used to be like that 24/7. Just going anywhere would trigger the thoughts that people were talking about me, looking at me and judging me. I got really bad last year, the biggest reason why Im back on meds. Now Im subjected to horrible social anxiety, but i can open my blinds without wondering who i will see looking at me.

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