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I am a shit mother who cannot even look after herself let alone a child

I am a drug addict who tears the house apart looking for someone elses drugs then sniffs old meds when i cant find any

I cut myself coz I deserve to hurt and be injured

Im 28 with a mental age of 15

I dont fit in and I dont belong here

People try to help me and I still fuck up

I dwell on shit thats happened years ago

I am needy, clingy, paranoid, insecure, and self loathing

I hate my own company

I HATE MYSELF

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Thats alot of " I " in your post. All "I" can think of to say to you is at times like these, like your expeirencing we can only be thankful some geek invented the internet, because without it your thoughts might be relegated to only yourself. At least this way you have an outlet that others such as myself can read and commisurate with you. You are not alone in your own Hell " I " hope you feel better soon, I pass on all the strength I can, good luck.....................

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Hi, thanks, I feel stupid now for writing it, I was on Prozac for a few months but it made me want to drink and when I did i'd get even worse than I was when I wrote that. On waiting list for more psychotherapy, cant actually read what I wrote now, is too far away from where I am now. (not literally) I dont know whats wrong with me, im just an oddball trying to fit in somewhere I dont belong. oh the self pity......

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I'm glad you're feeling better, Elly. That was quite a post! I haven't been in a funk like that for a little while, but I'm familiar with the depth of emotion involved. Is it possible to see a psychiatrist for an evaluation while you're waiting for therapy? I think the right meds would probably make life quite a bit easier for you in the interim. Prozac sucked for me, too. It just made my depression worse. I went from cycling depressive states (and other fun stuff) to suicidal depression every day for six weeks before I tossed it out. The right meds make a huge difference.

Don't be a stranger, 'kay?

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Elly,

Having emotions and feeling bad aren't stupid. They are to be avoided, but they don't have much to do with smarts. (If Grouse Mouse has a mental age of 14, it must be in measured in Mars years. ) Hoping you can persist until you find some treatment that helps you.

I suspect that most people feel a bit like an oddball trying to fit in. But they won't tell. Because they think it's odd.

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