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This is a synopsis of my afternoon so far - I've just taken 8 pills of 0.5 cloneazepam, 10mg zyprexa, 50 mg of seroquel within half an hour. All this because my sons car is in getting repaired and the bill is already over $1000. and the mechanics at Midas cant seem to find the problem, Keeps losing power, I am on disability because of my depression so this is the way I feel I have to handle this situation. Can't handle it straight! What a fucking cop out on my part! I dont want to feel the stress from this courseing through my mind and body. I want to be in the clouds until this has passed. Its still only 3:00 pm who knows how much more I will take. Dont worry I already been hospitilized for 2 previous overdoses and do not want to go back to the physc ward. I am hiding it from my wife, I feel guilty, she wants to know what I taken and I lied! Need super relief please drugs course through my veins, sooth my jagged nerves, please let this car thing work out.Gonna end up sucking funds from my credit card. Making fish sticks for dinner though still good for something today. Why should I get so bummed out over a god dammed car? Its just metal for gods sake. I will take more meds today until I feel so spaced out this wont effect me. It will be okay if I do this wont it, I wont harm myself. You know what I almost did about 2 months ago? I went through a self injury phase for about 2 weeks. Foreget about cutting slicing to see some blood, I was going to cut my left leg off below the knee. I had it all planned out, going to use a power mitrer saw get drugged up and swiftly push that blade down below my knee and the call 911 to come and save me. Physcologist in hospital says wanting to take your own limb off very puzzling behaviour.Never heard of someone wanting to become an amputee of their own free will. Add more meds and take ECT treatments was their plan of action. Told me to give away saw, get it out off my house. Guess what halfent done it yet. Even asked a nurse would I pass out from doing this and not be able to phone 911 she said she thinks so, gonna tie a turnoquette around my leg first, that was my plan. Any way I think the meds are starting to talk here now so I'll shut the fuck up for now. God this was expelling!!!!!

If I die sometime I'd like my ashes spread over crazy boards. Thanks to anybody who took the time to read this rant.

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Just MO, but I don't think it's a cop out. If you had the coping skills to get through this, if you weren't in an emotionally fragile state of mind, you wouldn't need the drugs. Jeezus, that's a lot of drugs, though. It sounds like enough to pacify an elephant. I hope you'll be Ok.

I've read about the wanting-to-hack-off-a-limb syndrome before, it's a genuine disorder, but I can't remember anything I read about it. I know that in the past I've had to hide my knives because I was taken hostage by this compulsion to stick one in my chest, like I really needed and wanted to do it. I think that was a bit of a psychotic break from reality. (I know. "Yeah, you think?") Good for you for resisting. Please call 911 or have someone take you to the ER if that compulsion gets a stranglehold on you again, Ok? Get a leg up on your mental health care. (Could not. Resist. The temptation. To say that. ;) )

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stay safe.....

it IS just a car.

you, however, are a living and breathing human being and you matter to a lot of people.

spacing out won't make the stresses go away.

I know, I wish it would too, but sadly not....

what helps you to keep grounded when you feel overwhelmed? do you have other coping strategies aside from meds?

(also, I'm no expert, but increasing doses of meds can have opposite effect to what you want...can increase the anxiety...)

take care...

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Hey I think we all get stressed out over things. A car in the shop with the dollar signs rolling up is certainly a valid concern.

Don't take the meds too fast. Be sure to give them some time to kick in before deciding you need more.

What can you do to distract yourself and reduce the anxiety? I have a route that I walk that gets me out of the house and wears me out.

Give away the saw. Or throw it in the trash. Take away the means for hurting yourself next time temptation calls.

Next time you feel the urge to hurt yourself badly go to the hospital.

Hope that by the time you read this things have worked out with the car.

a.m.

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Other people have addressed your mental status, meds, etc. And they're probably right.

However, I think these Midas people are taking you for a ride. If you have a friend who knows car repairs, then, when you are feeling clearheaded, take this friend with you and ask what the hell they are doing and why. Or, if you are close, but you can't handle it, send the friend. Preferably a very LARGE friend, although I recommend remaining diplomatic. Or one who is a lawyer. Maybe that might make you feel better, too. Not so many years ago, I had an ENTIRE ENGINE rebuilt for $2000 or so. Including taking it out, taking it apart, machining or replacing a bunch of parts, putting it back in, etc. SO, if they fix a loss of power for $1000, it had better be capable of orbit when they are done. If you don't have a friend who knows cars, perhaps you have some kind of consumer help agency in your area?

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  • 1 month later...

Beware of Midas!!!!!!! They are a rip-off! I had them rip me off once on a brake job. They are notorious

for overcharging. Talk to some other people in your area and find a fair and reputable auto mechanic.

Also remember that this is just a temporary problem that you will get through!

take care of yourself.

Brian

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My dad was a mechanic who worked out of his own garage and never charged that kind of money for anything. His work was great and cheap. While a bit harder to find than a huge gold Midas sign, people like this will save you lots of money while Midas is rich because they take it. I'd freak out too, but I don't want to cut off my limbs, just kill myself, which is probably in that range.

Please, please do a couple of things-

be really careful about how fast you take your meds, and what you take together. none of those things look bad to take together or in those quantities, but if you were to have it on hand and take more, you could end up with issues of course. if you have a history of overdosing you should work with your pdoc to not have quantities on hand that could be harmful, even if it means going to the stupid pharmacy more often. Do be careful about that and take it seriously. ;) My dad killed himself with an OD of pmeds (on purpose). Don't let that be you- you're more important than a Midas bill. You know that.

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