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I have been stable for a while now since dec. All of a sudden I have the voices again telling me to stab myself, shoot myself, swallow a bottle of pills, run the car off the road, put a plastic bag on my head. I am fighting back but it is so hard. My doc is gone until my appt monday. I can also hear a woman screaming at the top of her lungs from a distance (thank god) I am going crazy. I am bi polar 1 and taking a shitload of meds. the only thing I have extra of is Klonopin so I'm taking that to stay calm. I guess I just want sympathy or last rights. Why is this happening to me. Why can't I be normal and med free. This sucks so bad. I actually pushed a knife to my belly but stopped because I still haven't gone off the deep end yet. Fighting for my life,

Rebecca

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Oh Rebecca -- you're in a very dangerous space right now. Monday is far too long to wait to see your pdoc. Is it possible to speak to him/her NOW and say this is an emergency? If not, then I agree with the others - get yourself to a hospital or a safe space asap. Your life is worth more than you think, and hearing voices means you're heading straight into a pschotic episode.

Good luck and try to make decisions that take care of yourself rather than head you further into the danger zone.

Skittle

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Thank you for your advice. I think they will just Baker Act me and throw away the key. As soon as I get there i will regret it. I will call my doc though. I have too many reasons not to go. I might be able to up the abilify to shut these voices up.

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I have had the best mania today! I feel like i could conquer the world. i got so much done it is amazing. I hope i can ride this wave a few more days and i will have the cleanest house in town!. I was even able to get some cash from my hubby so it's off to the mall tomorrow and tennis in the morning. I feel like I will dominate on the courts. i am unstoppable. Bye bye to the depression and shut up you annoying voices because i got things to do and places to go and you are cramping my style. I might even organize a girls night out. Thank you for telling me to go to the hospital but look how much fun I'm having today!. I was thinkinking about stripping the wallpaper from the hall tonight. A new look would be so uplifting for the whole family. I am going to shop for new drapery material tomorrow and redo the drapes in the bedroom. Thamk you so much!

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OK, I can appreciate a good manic episode, but you gotta know you are STILL in deep trouble, kiddo I know it doesnt' seem like that right now (whee!!!!!)--

But its time --I KNOW you hate taking meds, I KNOW its a fucking horror hearing voices and all the shit that goes along with that--BUT ITS TIME TO GET SOME HELP, NOW.

Please go to the ER, don't worry about Baker Acting you--just take it 5 minutes at a time.

Please call a friend--please go--we care, we know, we've been there--

china

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Hi

I just wanted to say that China is so right....there's a nasty crash hiding right around the corner.....mania's not going to tell you that, of course, but we will because we've all been there.

I can totally understand not wanting to go to the hospital, but I really hope that you'll give a call to the doctor. I know you said the doc's gone for the weekend, but I'm sure someone's there on call.

Give 'em a call and let them know you've been way down low and then shot up high within hours....hopefully they'll throw out a line to help you avoid a crash.....I just know how bad that can be.

Thinking of you. Hoping you will call the doctor soon.

~Cat

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Reba, Reba,

You are swinging so much that you have won the CB weekly Tarzan award!

Call you Pdoc and tell him what is going on.

If you can't get hold or your pdoc or are feeling unsafe, please go the the ER. They will help you.

a.m.

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Hi

I'm glad to hear that the doctor got back to you quickly, even though he was away. I know it's never fun to have the meds raised, but it's way better than the crash after a mania and it's way way better than the scary depressed mess you were suffering with the other night. I hope you're feeling okay today.

~Cat

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The tennis was fun although I didn't get much sleep last night. I lost 6-4 6-3 but it was good tennis. All of a sudden the lamictal has kicked in and I am so sleepy but I feel good and even. Blah even. It definately squashed the mania and the abilify shut the voices up. Thank goodness.

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I would still heavily consider hospitalization. If you go on your own it is far better than being dragged there should you get crazy again. The reason for hospitalization is that they need to fix your meds, and the best place to do it is under the supervision of a medical staff.

just my $.02

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No Way! Last time I went in I was there a year. I am really a nut case. My doc will see me everyday outpatient ( unless he's on vacation) and all i need to do at home is watch tv so what's the difference? I can sleep in my own bed and be with my very understanding family. I'll stay home thanks. Changing my meds seemed to work fine. I feel blah again. Nice and evenly blah, just like everyone wants me to be.

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Rebecca, you are lucky to have loving, understanding, and caring people with you, but is someone going to be there with you 24/7? If so, have them keep an extra close watch on you and make sure they know exactly what has been going on. I know w/ Lamictal it can take a while to kick in. I don't know about Abilify, but you may not be out of the woods. Please go to ER if you're in trouble again. Lots of good vibes sending out to you-mel1

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