you might be an Aspie if....

[sepia]

http://www.geocities.com/autistry/YMBAAI.html

YOU MIGHT BE AN ASPIE IF you have dreams of communicating with extraterrestrials and nightmares about chatting with the next-door neighbour.

you're told "You need to get all your ducks lined up" before you do such-and-such, so you interrupt your interruptions to go to Toys 'R Us, buy a dozen rubber duckies, being them home, and set them in a line on the table, then proudly proclaim that you're ready to do whatever-it-was.

you've ever told somebody, "I'M NOT IMMATURE--I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT!!!!"

you speak in Monty Python and Get Smart quotes. So if someone says they'll meet you at the corner, you say, "Ah! The old meeting me at the corner trick, eh!"

you can't stand people who play their radios at work, because you need silence. 10 additional points if you sneak into their offices when they are out and turn off the radio.

you own more than 3 different types of earplugs or sunglasses.

you are invited to a party and spend the whole afternoon playing with the kids there.

you get asked "if we could talk about something different" when you rattle on on one of your interests and you nod and start on another interest of yours.

you insist on your view on fairness even when anyone else thinks you have gone mad.

My own would-be contribution: you make a hobby of locating errors on the National Library database and emailing the webmaster with corrections.

[Maddy]

Taking literalism to ever new and more terrifying levels.

Visualize (and think about) for a moment the following:

"He shit his pants." No, he shit IN his pants. Everyone should know this story by now.

"You really caught his eye." ARRGH! I did not!

"Why are you always changing your mind?" I just want to know HOW.

"You've got your shoes on the wrong feet." Well, who's feet are they supposed to be on?

"It's like pulling eye teeth." Eyes don't have teeth.

Then there was the infamous "Do something with that rock."

So I threw it.

[Catnapper]

you can't stand people who play their radios at work, because you need silence. 10 additional points if you sneak into their offices when they are out and turn off the radio.

Do I get extra points for staying late the day I was transferred to a new location so that I could cut the electric cord to my co-worker's radio? Then I took the radio apart and cleverly attached the severed end inside the radio so it wasn't obvious what was wrong.

A few days later my co-worker took the radio apart and found the severed cord, and I was told by reliable sources that he nearly had a fit, he was so mad! I suppose I damaged my karma, but since he used to listen to Howard Stern every morning, maybe I actually improved it......

[Velvet Elvis]

These are particularly me (not quite middle aged though):

...you want to sky-dive or bungee jump, but you wouldn't do it if you had to drive through traffic to get there.

...you have passed many a happy minute watching a fan spin.

...you are middle aged and going to college and petrified by the question "what is your major" because you don't know if it should be, English, Russian, Art, Art History, Psychology or whatever your next interest will be, OR if you should pursue your own personalized major program in Eremitic Studies or Anti-Social Science.

...if the thought, "there has to be a pattern to this" is a major theme of your life.

You get irritated when people come up to talk to you when you are doing something important like; staring at a wall, trying to find a space in your mind that is not overwhelmed by noise and imposing people with their desire to converse.

...your teacher commands every one in the room to pair-off to discuss a topic and you are extremely relieved that no one wants to be your partner.

[Maddy]

Was I supposed to pick the ones that applied to me? Because I only supplied my personal contributions.

I had made a post similar to this on the old, old CT board. In fact it was one of my first posts I think.

Sorry if I messed up the continuity.

[sepia]

No, Maddy, people's personal contributions are the best part. If you think of more, please share.

[wifezilla]

Max is autistic, not Aspie, but some still fit...

...if when you were a kid, and other kids wanted to play ball, you wanted to turn toy cars over and spin their wheels. (Or, in my son's case, line them up end to end and see how far you can get)

...one of your instinctive reactions is, "I didn't do anything wrong!"

(Imagine a 6'3" child with an empty pitcher in one hand, a puddle of lime green koolaid at his feet and a sprinkling of about 20 blue equal packets on him, the puddle, and all the kitchen surfaces.

"What are you doing Max?"

"NOTHING!")

...you have more than once gone out into public with socks that don't match.

(Max hates socks...and underwear. My commando boy )

...You know your aspie when you can smell the storm before it starts to rain

(When he points to the sky and says "Rain is coming" you had better listen! I mean the kid hardly talks, so when he goes to the trouble to tell you it is going to rain...its going to RAIN.)

...you pass by a playground and see a nonverbal child you know playing with sand and water. You join in and have absolutely no problems with spending hours there, not speaking a word, and the two of you not even looking at each other.

[wifezilla]

...if someone leaves their change laying around, you see nothing wrong with going through it. If they wanted to keep it, they would have put it in their piggy bank.

...of course, you only take the pennies. Pennies are cool. They are the perfect size shape and color. Running them through your fingers makes such a neat sound. Who wants those ugly silver coins anyway?

[Guest Guest]

...you have more than once gone out into public with socks that don't match.

(Max hates socks...and underwear. My commando boy )

...You know your aspie when you can smell the storm before it starts to rain

(When he points to the sky and says "Rain is coming" you had better listen! I mean the kid hardly talks, so when he goes to the trouble to tell you it is going to rain...its going to RAIN.)

thats not normal?

[parts]

... you can manage to fall off a stationary exercise bike

[wifezilla]

"thats not normal?"

For Max, it is perfectly normal

[Cerberus]

Friend: "I'll meet you at the corner."

Aspie: "Which corner?"

Friend: "By the donut shop."

Aspie: "The Krispy Kreme donut shop, or the Dunkin' Donuts?"

Friend: "The Dunkin' Donuts."

Aspie: "The one on the corner of Main and Elm, or the one on the corner of 3rd and Highland? Though that one isn't really on the corner, exactly."

Friend: (exasperated): "The one on the corner of this block!"

Aspie: "That would be the one on the corner of Main and Elm, then."

Friend, through gritted teeth: "YES."

Aspie: "Should I be facing Main or Elm?"

______________________________________

Girlfriend: "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Aspie (with all sincerity): "That depends on what you mean by 'look' and 'fat'."

-or-

Girfriend: "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Aspie: "Why do you ask?"

______________________________________

Friend/Victim: "Why can't people just mind their own business?"

Aspie: "Well, it may have to do with the innate preference among most primate species for social interaction. People seek to be around and involved with others, so they attempt to become, in some way, a part of the other person's daily life. On the other hand, it could stem from a lack of self-esteem, as a result of which the person butting in actually gains a feeling of parity with the other person, even if the attention is unwanted...[FIFTEEN MINUTES PASS]...Conversely, and particularly interesting from a Pavlovian perspective -- Wait -- Where are you going? I hate it when you start to tell me something and then don't."

Cerberus

[reddog]

"It's like pulling eye teeth." Eyes don't have teeth.

you want to launch into a 5 minute zoological explanation of what eye teeth are, how they got their name, how only mammals have them, whether they are adult or young features, why they are so hard to pull, the date you covered this topic in lecture in college and comparison to whales and reptiles. (really)

[wifezilla]

....you think "Meega, nala kwishta!" (or any other quote from Lilo and Stitch) is a perfectly acceptable answer to "Why haven't you cleaned your room yet" as long as you get the voice right.

[Harmony]

My brother was born in Miami. He used to insist he was born in "Yourami", not "Myami" (because I called it Miami he thought it was a possesive thing) He's always been so literal! I totally saw him in all of the examples and they made me realize how much I miss him. Thanks for the memories!

[Cerberus]

"It's like pulling eye teeth." Eyes don't have teeth.

Chickens don't have fingers and buffalo don't have wings, either. Makes me crazier...

Cerberus

[rpmza]

...you have more than once gone out into public with socks that don't match.

(Max hates socks...and underwear. My commando boy )

Or you can go on for fifteeen minutes on what the properties of a "good sock" are. That is my son's current obsession. I wish he would just go without them but you know "Shoes are supposed to be worn with socks". You can't possibly where one without the other. So my son will be the one in sandles and black socks or his favorite green soccer socks that reach his thighs, but, hey, they are tight and fit right.

[Maddy]

My brother was born in Miami. He used to insist he was born in "Yourami", not "Myami" (because I called it Miami he thought it was a possesive thing) He's always been so literal! I totally saw him in all of the examples and they made me realize how much I miss him. Thanks for the memories!

yes thank you. Because pronouns suck.

[CheshireCat]

....you're re-doing your kitchen and you pick out your sink based on what the water will sound like when it hits it when it runs....and you pick out your countertop material based on what the dishes and stuff will sound like when they are put down on it.

....you've had fights with your significant other over the exact folding over of the sheets and blankets when going to bed at night. Yes, they really do have to be "just so." Yes, really.

....you have skipped an aisle of the grocery store and not bought something you needed in order to avoid running into a neighbor or maybe just someone you think you might know. Just in case.

....your child presents you with a sliver that's really embedded deep in there, you can see it's not good, and you go for the needle, the matches, the rubbing alcohol, the cotton balls, and the tweezers and tell the child to sit down, it's time for surgery. The child says, Is this going to hurt? And you say, Yes, it sure is. That sucker's in there deep. But I'm going to get it out.

....you can't go to the movies because the sound of other people eating popcorn behind you is so annoying, you just can't concentrate on the damned movie.

That's all I can think of right now. I really enjoyed the cutting the radio cord story, Catnapper. That's something I would do.

~Cat

[wifezilla]

You might be autistic if....

Based on your behavior and communication style, your mom thinks you were a cat in your past lives, and this is your first time around as a person. It would just explain so much.

YMBAI....

You can buy a new video game system, but you never EVER are allowed to get rid of the old one. Any and all games or systems ever owned or played must be available to use at all times...even if you only play Clay Fighters 63-1/3rd once ever 3 years. I still needs to be there when I want it or else.