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Rude friend


Libby

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I am really pissed about something.

I have a friend I met in January. Overall she's been a good friend, but she has some annoying habits. This friend is 45, btw.

The latest thing is that she took me to meet a couple of her friends (a couple), whom I really liked. We sat on their front porch, had a few drinks, ordered Chinese food, told stories and laughed a lot. We all had fun. I have seen them since at a social gathering, and they were really friendly to me.

So I have told this first friend that I really enjoyed her other friends and I hoped we could go over there again some time. She has now been back over there like 6 times and never ever invites me, but always mentions that she went. Finally, Saturday I asked her if she was ever going to invite me again or if she wanted to keep those friends to herself. Her first response was, "I want to keep them to myself." Then she started backpedaling.

Sunday, the very next day, she was over here, helping me with something (which was really nice of her). I told her that I was lonely this weekend. What I found out later was that she was going over to their house AGAIN, and not inviting me. The damn day after I told her that it hurt my feelings.

WHAT is UP with this?

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WHAT is UP with this?

Hm. Maybe she's afraid that her other friends, and you, only like her so much; if you were to get

together and like each other, you'd all like each other more than any of you like her and then

she'd be all cut out of your lives and she'd be left alone. That's how SHE treats HER friends, so

that's obviously how her friends would treat HER.

Hey, at 9 I'd already figured out the role of the outsider as temporary friend until a newcomer

can trade up to a more popular crowd. Good news on the friends front doesn't usually come from

this psyche...

I'm not sure the second paragraph is quite as apropos to your problem as the first. I just don't

feel like deleting it. Go figure. Maybe it's a disclaimer. 8/

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Well, as I see it...

- For whatever reason, the couple is not interested in socializing with you on a regular basis. If they were, they would have called you or contacted you. This is not a reflection of any failure or fault on your part. Even though they had a thoroughly enjoyable evening with you, they may feel they have too many other social obligations. And, they may feel that you are the personal friend of the other gal, who was brought along for a one time event.

- The real clod is this gal. Once you asked about another get together, and either she or the couple decided that they did not want to do another, she should have had the good taste to not bring up the subject again. But do consider that your request to her to arrange another get together puts her in an awkward spot of trying to wangle an invite for you from the couple. The blade cuts both ways.

You could flip the opportunity around and invite the couple and this gal to your place for the evening, so they don't feel they are being imposed upon. Of course be prepared that they may decline.

Look at it this way. By meeting this couple you expanded your circle of acquaintences, and had an enjoyable evening. Perhaps you will run into them, and you know that if you do it will be enjoyable. Listening her talk about her friends and activities does not lessen you as a person. Similarly you have friends that you socialize with and don't share with her. You can either let this minor faux pas go, or turn it into a wedge of hate and drive her off.

a.m.

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Hello!!

I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation. It sounds like it is hurting you.

Could you try visiting the other friends separately from your friend? This may alienate your closer friend though.

What did she say and how did she react when you told her that it hurt your feelings? Have you talked to her about it?

To me, it seems like she is deliberately pointing out that she is visiting them because you weren't there and that bothers you, but as nullotrooper said, it could be out of (subconscious) defence rather than a malicious act.

Take care!!

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Libby, dear, she can't invite you along with herself to her friends place. sometimes the occasion is casual enough when you can say 'can i bring a friend' but sometimes it's not. sometimes, the host/hostess will say 'please invite someone'....that may be how you got your original invite. regardless, you can't invite yourself over to these peoples houses. i hate to say it, but you are putting your friend in a very awkward situation.

now, the good news: the solution is simple. invite them all over to your place. either just them, or include them in your next get together. or invite them out for dinner & drinks. take the initiative.

they may say no, in which case you will know it's not meant to be & move on. or they will say yes. or they will say yes, good idea! can i bring my dog?

i hope this ends well for you.

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Here's what I'd do - invite the other AND your friend over for a get together. That way you aren't alienating anyone and you don't really know exactly what is going on so you are covering your bases. Personally, I think your friend might be a little insecure but it's hard to tell. Just my take....

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Her friends were very nice to me and demonstrably friendly when I saw them at a subsequent social event. I told them I'd like to have them and friend #1 over for margaritas and bunco, and they said sure, they'd love to come. They sounded sincere and real when they said it.

While we were playing bunco at the social event, they kept punching my arm and joking and laughing, you know things you do to someone you like. I definitely felt like I was part of the crew.

Red, friend #1 is never formally invited over there. She just goes there every Friday after work. There is nothing formal about it. They sit on the front porch, drink beer, and shoot the breeze. The couple doesn't even offer beverages. You're on your own to bring what you want to drink. IN-FORMAL.

I don't believe in keeping people apart. After my birthday party, if people said hey, I really liked so and so, and I'd like to see them again, I would set it up for all of us to get together. The more the merrier!

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Libby

You will never forgive me for this, but be appreciative of the friends and reponse from those friends, that you have.

I follow your thread, and you do have a "circle of friends." It might not be in real, skin time, but you have it. When these type of things happen I do think about what I do have. Don't be mad at me, or be mad at me....but I could write a thread about how you didn't respond to me on my Springer thread....after you left a message....see, it always comes full circle.

MY NAME IS EARL. sob..sob...sob...sob...

Love, Syl

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Sylvia, I just looked at your thread, and the only post from me was the first response to your first post in your thread. In total, I said, "hey, Sylvia. I'm jaded and tired too." I remember making that post because I wanted you to know that someone was reading.

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