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Other forms of Self-Abuse


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Hiya-

I've never cut myself before or felt that urge, thank Goddess.

My problem is that I like to smack my head against the floor or the wall. I give myself bruises and black eyes. When I was married, people always asked me if I was being abused by my husband. No, he held me back when he could, I was hurting myself!

And then the Lithium OD that caused me to miscarry and go to the ER. That was my first hospitalization, and the worst I've felt in my life. I hurt myself with banging and with drugs (Lithium).

Now I hurt myself through mindless sexual affairs. I'm looking for true love and just falling between the sheets to feel the illusion, no matter how fleeting, of true love.

Do any of you abuse yourself with methods other than cutting and burning?

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;):):cussing:

Hello!!

I self-harm in other ways than cutting. I'm in a sharing mood, so here goes :wtf:

I punch my cupboard knowing that it will hurt a lot if it is hard enough. I bruised my hand and made a cut a week or so ago.

I pull hairs out too. I like to curl them together and pull them out slowly. I used to pull pubic hairs out, but I shaved myself there about a week ago, and therefore I have to pull hairs out of my leg. I've pulled hairs out for years. It has become a habit, only recently a form of pain. I used to pull hairs out of my face when I had facial hair. I suppose this method doesn't leave a scar, but it can leave marks and scabs for a few days and it hurts like hell.

Sometimes I like to deprive myself of sleep. Sometimes I like to make myself feel bad. I'm not sure if that is a form of self-harm or not.

I have thoughts of other methods that I could SI with, but I haven't tried any thus far.

Take care!!

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I used to self-harm with compulsive exercise (2 hours of intense racing bicycling 5 days a week, totalling around 200 miles/wk). That was during hypomania last summer, of course, and actually was a nice release (I felt much less self-guilt and emptiness during that period due to the exercise).

When I was younger (10-12-ish), I had a habit of all sorts of self-induced blunt trauma to the head... normally hitting myself with a book... hardcover of course, and the heavier, the better (I often used the 3,000+ page PDR, hehe). This was met by my parents as "stop acting out and being antisocial" (I can't blame well-meaning idiots, though ;) ).

Since moving here in March, I've had about two EXTREMELY frustrating days at work (during both of which I blew up at my boss). I sort of got back into the previous habit, except with the front door of my apartment. I managed to put a few dents in it. Remember that my front door, as most external doors, is made of metal. :-X

I suppose alcohol could be a form of self-abuse, but I'd rather put that under self-medication, since I wasn't INTENDING to do anything malevolent to myself.

Oh yeah, and I also self-abuse by... err never mind. Though that's more self-medication, if you will.

well I'm not Catholic...

--herrfous

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bashing myself with things. usually hitting my arms or legs in a fit of rage when something i'm doing isn't working. case in point, i had to restrain myself from smashing a finger on my left hand with the plug i'd ripped off the end of an electrical extension cord. or, hitting my forearm against a rough concrete ledge and dragging it along it to get good scrapes.

grouse.

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although cutting and hair pulling have been fighting for first place mental issue for the past few years, I think hair pulling definitely has "scarred" worse. I lost all of my friends and endured years of verbal and social torture in elementary school because I was half bald. these days it's all I can do to remember the pain and keep myself from doing it again, especially now that I'm trying to stop cutting.

besides the physical stuff, there's a lot of mental stuff I make myself do, too. rules that I have to follow, which don't usually have much of a reason and are sometimes just plain mean. the only one coming to mind right now is the one bag of popcorn a day rule, but there are a lot more that I just can't think of. I force myself to avoid doing pleasurable things, god knows why. given, a lot of it has to do with eating disorder tendencies (the popcorn thing, it's the same with most foods, there's a certain limit every day) and a little with psuedo-ocd tendencies.

I also aggravate my carpal tunnel all the time. not purposely so much, but fully knowing the consequences. examples: spending three hours coloring, spending hours playing video games.

it's not all physical self harm, but I consider it to be at least a form of self harm, especially seeing as it's not doing me any good and most of it is actively harming me.

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I have sort of a weird relationship with pain I don't alway feel it unless its really bad. At times I do things to remind myself in an odd way it feels realy good it has never involved cutting though. I have ASD and have a need to stim usally it invoves tapping or chenching my fists but on sometimes it ends with a hammer just above the knee till I get the feeling other times I'll bend my fingers back flat to the back of my hand till I get the feeling I also will bite my cheek at times till it bleeds and not even know till I taste it

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;)

Sometimes I need to see blood but don't want to deal with hiding cuts, or am not in a cutting mood. When this is going on I will sometimes use a sterile needle and syringe to draw blood. Not the smartest move but at least I'm careful about it.

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;) I started with head banging...then moved on with cutting. I haven't cut in almost a year...but I still head bang. Still have the need to make an outlet for the feelings to find the way out, that I can't seem to let out otherwise.

That's my take on it anyway, it's not the same for everyone, but that's why I used to cut too. To make an escape route. :)

There are unfortuantly a lot of forms of si - my heart goes out to all of us who use them.

xo

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Not to make light by any means of this topic but I remember once in a rage controled, contained for hours...

came to its release.. Instead of using a wall and my fist for my self destructive punishment, I stopped for a

second and thought," no I could break a bone.". and continued to punch - a la tae kwon do - a pane of

glass and split the thing right down the middle. I thought COOl. Ever dumb...

Frosty

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  • 1 month later...

Instead of cutting, I have several things I do. I pinch or punch my arms and legs, bang my head into the wall or bite my hands and arms. I'll bite the inside of my mouth and make huge sores or tense up so much I break blood vessels in my face and neck (resulting in a lovely red and purple rash that everyone wants to comment on). Ive been known to attempt stabbing myself as well, but never gone so far as to break anything other than the very top layer of skin. If I have something convieniently within reach (say a kitchen utensil for example) I will also hit myself with that. Its really hard to admit this. I don't think I've ever actually verbalized any of it. Better stop before that feeling comes back.

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Its really hard to admit this. I don't think I've ever actually verbalized any of it. Better stop before that feeling comes back.

it is sometimes hard to admit to others, and to yourself for that matter, that you intentionally do things to hurt yourself. It is better to verbalize it than to do it, though... just remember that if the need arises, jeepdiva81... you can always write about your feelings here if it will help you stay away from destructive behavior.

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jeepdiva.

wow...thank you for sharing with us. It's really, really hard to open up about self-injury of any kind, especially because there's usually so much shame around it for everyone. It takes self-reserve to talk about it at all, even here. Like Ophelia said, these boards are always here for whatever you want to open up about.

I cut in high school and I never told anyone. Anyone. I started dating this guy when I went to college, and I didn't tell him, either. And it was really kind of stupid or I don't know, because he'd been a cutter and he'd only dated women who had cut. And so he'd say things like, "oh you're my only girlfriend who's never done that" or whatever... and I don't know why I didn't tell him. I guess after the first time he said that, I didn't want to say anything. I was going through a non-cutting period and I just kept my mouth shut.

Eventually I started cutting again and he quickly found out etc etc. But I think that to this day he thinks I started cutting after we got together. We are not together anymore.

Vunja.... I have mean rules for myself, too! They make absolutely no sense and do nobody any good. A lot of times they're not even really verbalized to myself, though. I mean, they are in that I know DO NOT DO THIS... but when I really sit down and think about them sometimes I can realize they're stupid and go against them. A big one for me is the heat. I am always cold... but for some reason I really really don't like to turn up the heat. I will sit in a room and be shaking I'm so cold (I shake pretty easy) and I just can't turn up the heat. Unless I really talk to myself about it for a couple of minutes. I guess it's a deserving thing. I don't deserve this, so I'm not going to give it to myself.

I'm getting better about these things... realizing what I'm doing to myself and talking myself into being reasonable. But they're still half-hearted responses most of the time. I do the right thing because I've talked to my therapist about what's right to do in that situation and I'm doing what she said because I know it's the reasonable thing even though it isn't really what I feel like kind of thing.

And Loon, I have a lot of mindless sexual encounters, too. I've never really thought about them as self-harm before, just stupidity. But then again, I've never thought about the heat stuff as self-harm, really either. I guess they are, though.

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I'm not sure if my hair plucking and skin picking is more OCD or SI or if its common to just say "both". I've been doing both as long as I can remember which I guess is why it never occurred to me until very recently that it would be a good idea to bring it up with p/tdoc. Duh. Spending entire evenings pulling armpit, leg and pubic hairs out one by one and feeling extreme relief from hiding and zoning out while picking my scalp bloody sure feel normal to me but, well, since when is anything I do 'normal'.

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I never even thought of myself as belonging here. I assumed it only adressed cutting, not self abuse. I knew I liked to feel pain sometimes and sometimes I have no other choice, its either hurt myself or someone else. I choose myself. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like that. I had the urge to do it just 3 nights ago when my husband did something that pissed me off. It wasn't a big deal (actually it was a dumb reason to be mad), but I wanted everyone to know how mad I was. He wouldn't acknowledge me being upset and that just heightened my rage. I was throwing things at the wall (books, remotes, toys) and digging my nails into my arms and pinching my thighs. I never even woke anyone up. He stayed asleep. I started hitting myself in the head with the remote and hitting my knee I just had surgery on. This is so embarassing now. Really sad, you know? Especially if you knew the background.

But I couldn't talk myself out of doing it. I wish my tdoc had a little more advice for me than just "Well just change your way of thinking". I would LOVE to be able to do that. Problem is, my thoughts come too fast and hard to just change them up.

Anyone else have a tdoc who doesn't really take self abuse seriously? Maybe its not a big deal but it is to me!

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Anyone else have a tdoc who doesn't really take self abuse seriously? Maybe its not a big deal but it is to me!

the first tdoc my parents sent me to when they found out I cut was a bitch. she never really addressed my cutting, even though it was a big deal to me. she never really addressed anything, though, just let me play on her laptop and talk about my interests. she also talked to my parents for ten minutes while I was out of the room. it's bad enough to be 13 and dragged to a psychologist, and it's worse when they won't even tell you what's wrong with yourself. having a tdoc who really understands what's going on and can help is really, really important.

I think another problem that you might have is that usually SI is synonymous with cutting, even though that's not the truth. cutting is SI, but there's a lot of other things that people do (like your habits) that is just as bad, if not worse, than cutting. there's a lot of methods that aren't addressed well enough anywhere, and so a lot of people don't know they exist, or don't understand the importance.

crazyboards is a great place to come out about this stuff for the first time. people around here are so inspiring and they know where you've been and can point you to places to help you get better. good luck, jeepdiva. <3

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My preffered method has always been to get injured in front of others. "Accidently" burning my arms on the oven door, screwdriver and wire cuts when i did construction, a couple of good ladder falls on different jobs. Now that i'm fighting it i do admit to hitting walls. I know that aint healthy either, but no stabbing wounds, major burns or long cuts since i was in hospital 4 months ago.

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I never really considered myself a Self-Injurer, but I guess what I do would fit under the umbrella of Self Harm even though it might be more associated with my OCD.

The biggest thing with me, is picking at my skin to remove blemishes, bumps, awkward freckles, pimples, blisters....anything really. About a year ago, I had an operation that required numerous stitches. The wounds took 8 months to heal because I couldn't stop picking at the stitches. I even pulled some of the stitches right out, leaving some nasty gaping sores, which are now scars. I can't leave scabs alone either. I pick the entire scab off and just let it bleed.

I also can relate to what Becca said about rules for yourself and temperature regulation. When it's really hot, I don't let myself open a window or put a fan on. I just sit there in the heat and see how long I can last. When I was about 15, my dad left me in the car to run an errand in the middle of the summer. I left the windows sealed and the car off and it turned into a freaking sauna. By the time my dad came back, I was dripping with sweat and my skin was all pink. He wasn't too happy about that. I think it scared him a bit.

That surgery stitch picking thing was definitely the worst of it, though. The scars left behind after all that picking are pretty intense.

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I used to cut and stopped quite a few years ago when to my horror I actually started stabbing myself with a knife. I still think about doing these things all the time but am able to stop myself. I'm not sure how I've been able to do this but it may have to do with less substance abuse and getting therapy that helped raise my self esteem.

I really want to give hope to all of you who still self harm so I'm telling you it can be done!!!

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