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Any one else here non-orgasmic?


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First off, to my knowledge, I have never had an orgasm. I have often wondered what the big deal was and what exactly it is that I'm missing. That being said, I USED TO have a libido. I have a really great imagination and USED TO be able to imagine my self into a randy frenzy. I'm completely cerebral, and if I'm going to get aroused at all, it has to start in my head. No amount of physical stimulation will do anything for me. I have tried a LOT of strange things over the years to have an orgasm, but no joy. Even with out the ellusive orgasm I USED TO enjoy sex with my partner, not all the time, but at least there WERE good times. Since the onset of my various MI's I have been living in a libido dead zone. So far it doesn't seem to matter what meds I'm on, my libido is stone cold dead. I'm really peeved about this because it took me years to learn to enjoy intimacy at all and not to just dis-associate every time some one touched me, so this is really insult to injury. :) My sweetie takes my non-orgasmic state as a personal failing, even though we've been together for nearly two decades and he knows better. So I end up feeling guilty for not being able to have one. And faking it is just plain stupid. The sheets are getting really chilly. I'm trying to get back to the point to where I even feel anything, leave alone a sexy Diva. So I thought I'd throw this topic up on the board just for jollies.

Anyone else orgasmically challenged?

Had it but lost it?

Going to extreme measures to get off?

Trying to learn to become orgasmic?

Have/had anything like this with a partner?

AAARRRRRGGGGGG!!!! ;) Panz is very frustrated, exasperated and just plain vexed

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Panz:

I only lost the big O when I tried an SSRI, but I got it back.

Have you tried pornography or reading erotic books? I think a lot of us have to get turned on in the brains before the body gets interested. There are tons of erotica that might strike a chord.

(And I don't mean stuff that is guy-oriented....there is erotica out there that women can read/view that isn't two people banging away in typical porno-movie style.)

I'm glad to hear you ask this question--you must be beginning to feel better. ;)

olga

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First off, to my knowledge, I have never had an orgasm. I have often wondered what the big deal was and what exactly it is that I'm missing. That being said, I USED TO have a libido. I have a really great imagination and USED TO be able to imagine my self into a randy frenzy. I'm completely cerebral, and if I'm going to get aroused at all, it has to start in my head. No amount of physical stimulation will do anything for me. I have tried a LOT of strange things over the years to have an orgasm, but no joy. Even with out the ellusive orgasm I USED TO enjoy sex with my partner, not all the time, but at least there WERE good times. Since the onset of my various MI's I have been living in a libido dead zone. So far it doesn't seem to matter what meds I'm on, my libido is stone cold dead. I'm really peeved about this because it took me years to learn to enjoy intimacy at all and not to just dis-associate every time some one touched me, so this is really insult to injury.:brooding: My sweetie takes my non-orgasmic state as a personal failing, even though we've been together for nearly two decades and he knows better. So I end up feeling guilty for not being able to have one. And faking it is just plain stupid. The sheets are getting really chilly. I'm trying to get back to the point to where I even feel anything, leave alone a sexy Diva. So I thought I'd throw this topic up on the board just for jollies.

Anyone else orgasmically challenged?

Had it but lost it?

Going to extreme measures to get off?

Trying to learn to become orgasmic?

Have/had anything like this with a partner?

AAARRRRRGGGGGG!!!! :frustrated: Panz is very frustrated, exasperated and just plain vexed

Even divas, tigresses and sex machines can lose their O from anti-depressants - SSRI's suck in that way, so don't blame yourself. It's not a personal failing, don't let yourself think that for a second.

Buy a vibrator and practice gettin' off without your partner. If you still can't come, it's probably the Zoloft.

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Remeron made me forget about sex. I still enjoyed sex when I had it but it never occurred to me to initiate or enjoy a little solo time. Paxil was the devil. I got nothing with my partner or alone. Even a good erotic book wouldn't get me aroused.

Going off the ADs and on to lamictal seems to have fixed things. I WANT sex now and enjoy having it. My boyfriend seems pretty pleased with this new development;)

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Abnormaly(or normaly if genetics count) I always seemed to have as Panz says Cerebral

desires in advance of beginning the physical aspects of sex..or else forget it.

Meds are the evildoers of all non orgasmic females of our times.

Having always been a hammock rather than a board, I was always ok in the sex dept.

Since droppingtopamax. celexa 60mg to lexapro 15 mg.. Whoa...

Almost too much..

I don't know, try something kinky, get all dolled up and use your stuff to get it going..

Answer thedoor nude... Tease. if that is your thing..

Good luck FRosty

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I just posted on the sexual side effect poll, but yes! SSRI's kill the big O.

I lost mine to Paxil. Then was taken off Paxil and switched to Lexapro...same thing.

Off Lexapro...on to Lamictal...

Presto...back again.

Those SSRI's...I don't know what part of the brain they hit, but they just steal it.

My heart goes out to those of you suffering, believe me.

~Cat

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  • 4 weeks later...

Anyone else orgasmically challenged?

Had it but lost it?

Going to extreme measures to get off?

Trying to learn to become orgasmic?

Have/had anything like this with a partner?

1. I'm orgasmically challenged.

2. I used to be able to have orgasms alone, never with a partner, but now i'm not even interested enough to attempt to do it on my own. i don't know if it wo uld work because i haven't done it

3. if i were to want to, i'd use my normal methods, which are not extreme

4. i'm trying to learn to orgasm with a partner, but this will be difficult. i'm trying with my one partner, the one who i met at the pdoc, to teach him what i like and to have the emotional kind of connection i need. he's getting there, but a lot of it is also psychological on his side. we both have to be there to connect to BOOM

5. yeah, i've tried with partners. sometimes i'm just so bored and fed- up wtih it that i give up and fake it wtih partners. i've vowed to myself now not to do it unless i'm in the mood and not to fake it. this will be tough with boyfriend pressures. i have to tell boyfriend A that him rubbing his crotch in my face is NOT a turn-on and is actually a turn-off, and that i am more aroused by watching Andersen Cooper on TV than by him.

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Ever since I started Effexor, I haven't had much interest in sex at all. It's probably related to the fact that I can't orgasm. I get a "too much trouble" attitude. Since I've felt the best I have in several months on Effexor, I don't plan to change. Fortunately, my husband completely understands. He'd rather I be well, too.

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I've never been able to orgasm. All turned on and no where to go. But I had learned to enjoy arousal for it's own sake before I started skipping down Loony lane ;) . Even before I was taking Effexor,what? 5 years ago??? I was having an increasingly bad time with leaving my body and dissocciating out during sex. Something that I had worked hard NOT to do with my sweetie. For me at least, it's kind of intimadating for a man to be all ready to go and sticking out like a yard arm and me all the way out on pluto and feeling wooden and numb. Trying to manipulate my body from afar. I feel like the virtual girl. A ghost in someone elses body.

The stupid drugs are NOT helping in this department and in fact, have made a complete neuter of me. And me, I'm trying to stay clean of booze, which will at least allow me to get randy :cussing: :embarassed: :)

And I hear ya Loon-A-Tik, having a sweaty crotch rubbed in your face ranks right up there with sifting the kitty box with your teeth. I'm having a hard enough time even getting into the idea of sex to have to deal with hind brain "Me Tarzan, you Jane" -isms. A lot of men seem to have the thought that if you can't get turned on, a mouth full of hairy balls and a good hard shag will cure you :wtf:

I've been on such a whirlwind tour of meds these past two years that I can't really compare the suckiness factor of each one when it comes to killing libidos. My life parner and love, is being very understanding. I wish that he'd pay a bit more attention to me and try and help me get turned on, but it just seems to be too much trouble for him right now. Me being over weight isn't at all helping in that he likes gymnastic sylphs. So there is little I can do right now to interest either of us. So I just leave him to his on line babesa and crawl off to wait for the next panic attack or some nice friendly hallucinations to talk about me like I'm not there and discuss how I am/was not expected to survive...Do I sound pissy and bitter????

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Anelize, you have such a great hubby in that he's supportive and wants to see you well. how many husbands are like that?

Panz- it doesn't sound like your hubby is that supportive. is he sick of it? does he just not want you anymore? isn't he interested in trying, at least to get some love going, even if you can't have sex? maybe there won't be any sex, but there's nothing to say that it won't improve your relationship if he would take the time to explore the love possibilities. I know i feel that way too. i love the analogy about the cat boxes! i so feel that way. like, i do NOT want that in my face! get it AWAY!! would they want us to do it to them? they must think we get turned on that way!

if he likes little, little people and you're just not little, he needs a reality check. the reality is that no matter how thin we are, sometimes it isn't enough. for example, i wear a 6 and it isn't enough for bf #1. he thinks i'm too fat, like he's mr. universe himself over there. he has his share of midlife belly, and i love him for who he is. men are just so harsh on us, no wonder we get harsh on ourselves. we just aren't good enough. screw them. we should be healthy over thin enough or whatever stupid new ideal they come up with.

well, of course, for the sake of SCIENCE, i had to find out if it is my own system at fault here, like the drugs neutering me, or if it is psychological when i'm with someone. i found out that it must be just when i'm with someone, because it works fine in sample tests. at least i know it works over here. the Z must have been making it not work before and when i quit the Z it came back. that's a relief.

it must be the men judging me, and me in turn judging me, like a stage fright or something, that makes me clam up. i don't know.

i think when we can get this down on our own that we can then explore how to do it wtih someone else- who is non-judgemental and who loves us for us. panz, your husband needs a reality check! have a heart to heart!

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i love the analogy about the cat boxes! i so feel that way. like, i do NOT want that in my face! get it AWAY!! would they want us to do it to them? they must think we get turned on that way!
One word: porn.

I do think women should walk up and rub their privates on their guy's face to turn him on. See how he likes it. He' probably bust out laughing.

OK, that was more than one word.

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I lost the O when I started Topamax last year...and I stopped taking it 6 weeks after I started it. I still can't do it with other people. Alone, with a little work, the magic happens. But with the girlfriend...it all feels GREAT but I panic and I can't let go of that last little bit of control. She's the same way. Our therapists both said "One: Sex isn't about always having an orgasm. Two: It's probably medication related. and Three: You're young. Have fun with it. Relax" Great. Like that helps.

Last week, I cried because I couldn't come. Tonight, she cried herself to sleep because she couldn't come. We both want to so bad that we stress about it and make it even more impossible. Ugh.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sigh. More generalizations about men. My girlfriend weighs about the same as I do. She's still sexy as hell. Maybe I'd think she was even sexier if she lost a lot of weight, but that might result in too much humping. My main concern about the weight is her health. But I try pretty hard not to mention it unless she brings it up, because what I say about it probably isn't going to help. Sometimes I ask her if she went swimming or walked up a local hill, and she knows I'd love to go for a long walk about anytime she likes, but that's about as far as it goes.

However, I don't think we're all in control of what turns us on. I happen to have a thing about women who are very smart. This would probably be depressing to any woman who wanted me who wasn't pretty damn bright. And it wouldn't be her fault, or, really, mine. I once had a woman turn me down for a personals date because I couldn't promise that her weight wouldn't turn me off. For all I know, I would have been very attracted to her, but I couldn't really know that ahead of time. I used to hang out with a woman whose weight DID turn me off. I didn't like this because I knew that we could have had a lot more fun. But I couldn't change it either.

As far as rubbing privates in face, that might be very fun, depending on whose, how, where, and when.

I've had trouble with coming, especially when on Prozac, but accompanied by an INCREASE in libido. Sometimes I have to just stop, get up off the bed, put on my clothes and do something else. It can be rather surreal.

I've seen vibrators do wonderful stuff for women, or at least for one of them. Suggest to guys who are having trouble with this that it might help if you stuffed a little vibrator in your crotch while wacking off. Operative word MIGHT. There's someplace messier that might work, too.... Not more fun, but maybe easier to come.

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