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127 days


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It's been 127 days since I cut...or even wanted to cut. And now, I want to. My mom got all pissy last night and I had a really bad day today. My car was impounded for lack of insurance. It's gonna cost $600 + $20 for every day after today that I don't go get it. Also, it has a blown head gasket on the fourth cylinder. I'm FUCKED! I tried to take out a loan at a crap finance company and three denied me. I don't know what to do.

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Well first of all, I'd think about how great that 127 days is! Congrats!

Cars are cars. They aren't you. You're important. You'll figure this out.

Is there anyone who can loan you the money to get it out of impound? Then that will give you some time to figure out the rest.

Maybe if you take this in pieces, rather than one big "I'm Fucked", you'll get an answer.

And again, 127 days is a really big deal. ;)

Breeze

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sheismistaken,

you can do this. There has to have been shit that went down during the past 127 days, right? I know this bites, but I bet you have already found other coping mechanisms. Can you bite the bullet and ask mom, hopefully now past her pissy mood?

127 days is AMAZING. $600, plus $20 a day BITES. But maybe do like Breeze suggests, take it bit by bit.

You've done so well, sheismistaken!

lily

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Guest espressogrrl

the only emergency thing i can recommend for cash is to do what i did....

i guilted my mother about my childhood, and offered to do work on her house that would cost her an arm and a leg. In return, she took out a home equity loan - a loan based on the value of her house - and I can pay off that - which will be at an INCREDIBLY lower interest rate.

equity. its the only way to afford anything - owning a home.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So...I didn't do it that time. I did tonight, however. I just got fired from my job. Ugh. My gf got all upset b/c I did it. We had to have a "talk" about it. My mom saw it...freaked, and bandaged it up. Now tomorrow I get to go to the tdoc with a big ass bandage wrapped around my arm!

Btw, I got my car out of impound. I borrowed the money from my Grandmother. I just need a job now so I can pay her back.

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Just look at how long you went without cutting... something close to 175 days or something, I think... it is really a great accomplishment and definately something to be proud of. You can surely do it again. Don't beat yourself up about slipping up; we all do it once in a while, ya know? Use tomorrows tdoc appointment to talk about it, maybe?

be well and take care of yourself

~*Ophelia*~

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143 days. Tomorrow is day one.

I did it 40 times. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted the hurt and the feelings to go away. And they did.

my brain-on-ambien made me think that the original post was in Jun instead of July... ooops. still HUGE.

I understand that sometimes you have to do what you have to do. You have to get through somehow. We all know that it isn't the best thing to do, but sometimes... I don't know... It's just all about trying to get control again.

be well

~Ophelia~

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Hiya-

I'm not a cutter, however I have in the past abused myself by banging my head, beating myself, and starving myself.

I've made it 4 years! It can be done!

What I do when I want to do it is just imagine if it will really do me any good. No. Talking to someone, anyone, will do me good. So even if it is the hostage cat or my boyfriend or my crazy mom, I round up someone.

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