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Hello.

I feel so shitty today. What's the point? Why am I carrying on? What's the point with anything?

Today was the start of the "let's get ready for the holiday" with my Mum and Dad and they gave me stuff I need for it. We go two weeks today for three weeks. I don't really want to go been honest, but it's my Mum's dream holiday and I don't want to ruin it or anything by doing or saying anything. It might be OK. I suppose it's one thing that has kept me alive so far.

I feel like cutting today for the first time in about three weeks. I need to show my parents my arm very soon because I want to and the holiday is coming up. It never feels like the right time though, like with everything else until I just do it ;)

I'm so sick of all these compulsive behaviours I have. I want to bash my head open.

Take a good look and always try to stay above the lowest on the list called EZ. I am at the bottom of the pile. If humanity was a food chain, I would have been eaten long ago, digested, and excreted.

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I feel like cutting today for the first time in about three weeks. I need to show my parents my arm very soon because I want to and the holiday is coming up. It never feels like the right time though, like with everything else until I just do it ;)

Is it ok that I'm just glad you haven't cut? You can't cut if you have to show your parents your arm, right? So, erm, can you keep putting off showing them, so that you don't cut?

You seem troubled like the rest of us here, but also like a good lad who cares about his mum. Not the bottom of the pile.

lily

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Is it ok that I'm just glad you haven't cut? You can't cut if you have to show your parents your arm, right? So, erm, can you keep putting off showing them, so that you don't cut?
Hi.

No, that's nice of you to say :) Yeah, I can't show my parents if I have cuts and scabs, but we go on holiday to South America in two weeks and I will have to wear a t-shirt at some point, so I feel I need to show them soon. I want to put it off for as along as possible, but I can't ;) For today, I'm just sticking to pulling out hairs.

Take care!!

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