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the spirit or demon of death


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Hi,

dad is very sick and im very nervous about his impending death.

for the past year - i have been haunted by the spirit of death every night when i go to bed. its a blackness that hovers over me for a few seconds. even if my eyes are closed; i can feel it.

when i sleep at other places (other than parents house) i dont get the visit.

I also dont have any spiritual connection with my dad like i do with other living & dead people.

i cant sleep. no death.

db

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db,

does the spirit seem like.. i wonder - is it warning you, or approaching you? clearly you are scared about your dad. maybe the spirit is coming to sense how you are feeling about how ill your dad is. maybe the death spirit is being considerate in visiting you.

maybe you can write more about why/how you are scared. do you feel like you are grieving now/in advance? do you feel like you are trying to resist something, putting off inevitability?

do you think you could give the spirit a message (and if possible, what would it be)?

thinking out loud,

pj

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Hi PJ & All,

the first time i ever experienced anything like this was the death of one of my grandfather's. we were really close. at the funeral I saw a blackness in the corner....and it wasnt a lighting issue. it was death.

death visited me a lot after grandpa died. that was 11 years ago.

and now, at the parents house, death visits me when i go to bed. probably because that is the only time Im not doing something else.

i am grieving now. even though my parents had a ton of problems and dont like each other - i dont know how this house is going to exist once my dad passes away.

i dont know what to tell death, other than to let me sleep.

db

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DB,

When Bradley was dying, I often said, "...since death has come to live with us," or "death has come to stay in my home." And it was a good while before he died I felt the presence.

However, for me, it wasn't scary or dark. It was natural and normal until after Bradley died, then I did a cleansing (sage and prayers) of my house asking goddess to rid my home of the spirit of death. Maybe you could do something similiar in your room? Clearly death isn't coming for you, but also just as clear, it has made it's presence known and it's frightening you. Or maybe ask it what it's there to teach you or tell you and tell it that it scares you?

I don't know what else to say, everyone's experience is so, so, different. Some don't feel it at ALL, some can SEE it. I could feel the spirit of death, but for me it was more of a friend because Bradley WAS so sick and even though I was so much in love with him, if it was meant to be,and no doubt it was, I wanted him to go.

But, yeah, the spirit showed up on the scene waaaaaaaaay before he died. To help prepare I guess, in my case, all of us for the ultimate separation.

My heart goes out to you sweetie, I'll keep you in my thoughts and, if you don't object, ask goddess to remove the spirit from your knowing or make it a peaceful presence for you, so that you can sleep in your own bed.

Love,

Suze

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Hi,

S9, thanks for the post and your compassion.

last night i stayed up til 4 am putting books in my bookcase and watching seinfeld dvds (for those that dont know - moved back in with parents almost a year ago....I am just now starting to put a bedroom together).

I couldnt deal with death last night.

I did a lot of physical activity with my nieces & nephew today and I am physically exhausted. but i cant sleep. so i drink.....

dad is still in the hospital. I realize I am grieving over the things he is no longer capable to do. I dont know how I will make it out.

i am very thankful that during my developmental years that my dad was a good dad and he was a good model for a future husband. later in life dad changed big time - but thats a story for another thread.

i am one of the few people that get along with my dad. and i feel really sorry for him. i also feel guilty....if he wants a beer or something, i cant deny him. he'll vomit it anyway.....

i cant deal with death tonight. i know i need to sleep....but i cant right now.

db

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  • 1 year later...

hi all,

more than a year later, here i am, in the same place, although dad's condition is significantly worse.

"death" has been in my bedroom since the last posts of this thread. im fairly certian baby has seen "death." her eyes get really big. and kitty has always seen "death."

i dont know why death chooses to hover over my bed. death doesnt taunt me at alex's place. nor did death visit me when i was on vacation at my sisters house.

i somewhat discussed death with my dad today. and he said he will be ready "to pass" when one of my brothers "smiles again." this would be a brother who is in the middle of divorce & bankruptcy.

dad in hospital with laundry list of ailments...quadruple bypass surgery scheduled for monday.

db

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dad is still in the hospital. I realize I am grieving over the things he is no longer capable to do. I dont know how I will make it out.

Oh, DB, I'm so very sorry you're going through this, and for so long! This quote is from one of your old posts, but it really struck me. The hardest part of my Mom's last few months was longing for her to be the way she used to be, and knowing she never would again - despite our difficult relationship, we did love one another, and it was so hard to see her so diminished - I give you so much credit for being there for him, I know how hard it must be for you.

We never know how we'll make it when a loved one dies - but most of us do make it. You have your baby counting on you now. After your Dad goes, a new life will unfold, and you can't really conceptualize what it'll look like until it happens. It'll be very difficult for a while, and then eventually it'll be less difficult. Please trust this.

Please hold on, and know that we care about you and your family. Keep posting and let us know what's going on. I hope your Dad's surgery Monday goes well.

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hi,

surgery didnt happen because dad had cardiac arrest while being prepped. he is currently alive.

we have a meeting in 5 hours w/surgeon.

im playing with photos of my baby on the computer.

i know i should get *some* sleep but brothers wanna get drunk.

i need to sleep. i will go to bed. brothers are much younger than me. they can stay up all night drinking...im guess im gettin' older. cant do the all night drinking anymore. plus i gotta be sober for baby.

i'll post something more when something happens.

db

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  • 2 weeks later...

December, I experienced this very thing many years ago. I was still living at home, and I woke up one night (sleeping on my stomach) and when I turned over, out of the corner of my eye, I saw this black figure standing over my bed. Scared the bejezus out of me. I never understood what it might have been until recently.

Haven't seen it again, but I think at the time it might have been a warning that the road I was headed down was a dangerous one. (did a lot of stupid things when I was younger).

Still am afraid to sleep alone.

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