Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

I know I have read signature lines that have mentioned a family member who had suicided. Would you mind sharing your feelings dealing with your loss? Did they leave a note...........did you have an awareness of their illness before their suicide?

Thank you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sure, my brother did and left no notes. He had tried 3 times before and each time my folks tried unsuccesfully to get him committed.

He would get a 72 hour hold, take his meds just long enough to calm down a bit, and then with the help of his court appointed attorney would convince a judge that he was perfectly fine.

I wish they had forced the judge and attorney to go to the cornfield where they found him and see the result of their handiwork.

If someone is thinking of suicide, even in a casual way, their pdoc should be made aware of it. If they are truly suicidal and feeling unsafe they should go to the ER.

a.m.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Umm, okay.

My grandfather killed himself. He took a gun that no one knew he had and shot himself in the head.

He left no note.

No one knew he was suicidal. We knew he had been down and depressed, but we thought it was related to a recent heart surgery.

My family was very hurt by the fact that he left no note and really gave no signs to us so we couldn't reach out and help or try to stop him. In my dad, this hurt led to anger, I think.

Oddly, my dad became suicidal several times himself in years after my grandfather's suicide.

No, not so oddly. It's all that damned BP. Fuck BP.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sure, my brother did and left no notes. He had tried 3 times before and each time my folks tried unsuccesfully to get him committed.

He would get a 72 hour hold, take his meds just long enough to calm down a bit, and then with the help of his court appointed attorney would convince a judge that he was perfectly fine.

I wish they had forced the judge and attorney to go to the cornfield where they found him and see the result of their handiwork.

If someone is thinking of suicide, even in a casual way, their pdoc should be made aware of it. If they are truly suicidal and feeling unsafe they should go to the ER.

a.m.

I am very sorry about how you lost your brother. But, having dealt with depression for so long I also understand his reasoning, or lack of it, also. Did your brother have bipolar?

I get the impression that his manner of death was very awful as well........ again I am very sorry.

Have you come to understand his pain any clearer over time? Would a suicide note have made any difference?

I am sorry for all the questions.......and feel free to tell me to bug off at any time......Thank you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Umm, okay.

My grandfather killed himself. He took a gun that no one knew he had and shot himself in the head.

He left no note.

No one knew he was suicidal. We knew he had been down and depressed, but we thought it was related to a recent heart surgery.

My family was very hurt by the fact that he left no note and really gave no signs to us so we couldn't reach out and help or try to stop him. In my dad, this hurt led to anger, I think.

Oddly, my dad became suicidal several times himself in years after my grandfather's suicide.

No, not so oddly. It's all that damned BP. Fuck BP.

I also am very sorry about your grandfather. It must have been a terrible shock! Sometimes I think the best, the very best actors are the people with deep depression. I know I can be.......

Would a note have helped you all to understand and cope?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Zelda -

I may be wrong, but some of the phrasing in your posts makes me wonder whether you are asking because you are considering killing yourself, and are wanting to do it in the least painful way for your family. I felt I couldn't not post on the off chance this is right. If I am wrong, please correct me. I hope you can understand why I wanted to post this anyway, given how destructive suicides are to family and friends.

Suicide will fuck up your family. It will fuck it up if there's a note, and if there isn't a note. Regarding the method of death, the impact of death is great enough that the difference between something gory and hideous and something "neat and tidy" makes very little difference. Suicide is not something you can make up for by explaining your pain better, or apologizing in a note, or using a "tidy" method, or trying to cause as little burden as possible. If you are considering suicide, you need to get more, or better, help for yourself, as soon as possible. We can help with that, to some extent.

I have been suicidal many times myself and have a great deal of sympathy for anyone who is suicidal, as well as antipathy toward people who blame suicides, and sympathy for families who have been the victims of suicides. At the same time, I know that one's responsibility towards other people - and more importantly, one's power to damage them irreparably - cannot be erased by one's own emotional pain. If you cannot get help because of yourself, get help because of your family.

Edited to add: If your family doesn't understand the pain you're in now, killing yourself will not help. They will see it as an act of aggression against them, or an attempt to manipulate, or at best a senseless act. It will probably make them more resistant to understanding, not less. They may never understand, but education is more likely to help, and you can only educate when you are alive.

Going to bed now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My grandfather killed himself. Swallowed two barrels of buckshot. My aunt had to clean his brains off the ceiling with a spongemop.

He had a cyst on his spine which slowly paralyzed him. He was always fiercely independent and couldn't live like that. Everyone understood I think. It still really really sucked ass.

People close to you dying hurts a lot regardless of circumstances. Nothing can ever change that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pondering whether family and friends are better off with or without a suicide note, is like comparing whether a forest fire is best started with a butane lighter or a kitchen match. Either way the consequences are so devastating that it really doesn't matter.

I think that many of the members here who have commented on being desperately suicidal mention that the thought of hurting family and friends has been the strongest deterrent.

So..Zelda, what makes you ask? Are you OK?

a.m.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the "note-no note" thing...well, who the hell knows. Yeah, we would have liked a note. Or we THINK we would have liked a note. Because we have that human desire to know. To understand. But when I really, really think about it, it's a morbid curiosity. Knowing would change nothing. It wouldn't bring my grandfather back.

As VE said succinctly and well, it sucked ass. Nothing would change that.

If anyone reading this is considering suicide, please talk to someone, cry out for help, explain your pain, tell them you mean it. No one wants to see you go.

A note won't make it any better. That is the truth.

~Cat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know I have read signature lines that have mentioned a family member who had suicided. Would you mind sharing your feelings dealing with your loss? Did they leave a note...........did you have an awareness of their illness before their suicide?

Thank you!

My sister succeeded on the 3rd attempt. and yes, she left a note. Having suffered MDD, she had been on (varying) ADs most of her life and in therapy. She had also studied psychology and become a counsellor so was well aware of what avenues were open to her. After her 2nd attempt she was kept on a locked ward for 2 days before the resident psychiatrist decided she wasn't at risk of committing suicide (good decision doc ;) )

I guess she'd done all she was capable of doing.

As AM said, the act is devastating no matter whether there is a note or not. And depending on what the note says, it can be more so.

Some people consider the act cowardly and selfish. What fools.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i dont have a family member as the question asks, but a very close friend, a friend whose sister is also my best friend. i was accepted as basically the sixth daughter in their family i have been through all the trials of life with them since we met.

she left a note, one for each family member, plus three notes to the family as a whole which she had started to write were in the trash bin.

a note for everyone expect her sister, her best friend and my best friend. why did she leave out this one important family member the one she was closest too? we will never know.

suicide leaves NOTHING but heartache and pain for the survivours from what i have experienced, and this is coming from someone who longs for her own death most days.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that many of the members here who have commented on being desperately suicidal mention that the thought of hurting family and friends has been the strongest deterrent.
AM, I am on of these members, and yes, too many days the legacy I would leave my children by suiciding is all that has kept me alive. TOO MANY DAYS.

So..Zelda, what makes you ask? Are you OK?
If not Zelda, than perhaps another person suicidal may benefit from these Q&As, but I couldn't help but feel like we're being asked questions for a research paper, which is why I declined to answer and share my family suicide.

However; I have been wrong before and I think we can say to anyone contemplating suicide, there is NO WAY to off yourself and not leave a huge ripple that extends for generations in the family. PERIOD. And it's not a good ripple, either, which goes without saying...

S9

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's funny you said that, S9, about the research paper...I had that thought shortly after I posted. I almost deleted my post for that reason...

I left it because I thought, well, others read these and maybe it's good for someone considering suicide to read about others' stories. I mean, there is an aftermath. It can be hard to see that in the midst of the pain of depression. But knowing there's an aftermath might help someone muster the strength to seek help.

I know it's hard to get help.

Boy, this is a tough topic...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I probably shouldn't add to the list, but who knows...maybe it will help someone.

I've had two family members commit suicide as well as a friend.

My cousin took his life when he was seventeen. His parents were divorcing. It was strange, you know? He was a star pitcher on the baseball team, was a popular kid with a good-looking girlfriend too. He was probably eight or nine years older than me. It felt strange hearing about it. Somehow I inherited some of his baseball equipment, like a few bats and a good glove. I never could bring myself to use them. He left no note.

My great Aunt took her life with pills and had struggled for many, many years with mental illness. Hers was a very complex story that I don't really want to get into here, but I always felt really sorry for her. She had been the victim of a lot of family pressure her entire life and never really stood up for herself. No note.

My friend had a huge fight with his girlfriend, who basically threw him out. No one heard from him for days and she found out why after discovering that he had taken his life. I think there was more to it than just that, but who knows? No note.

I agree with others, note or no note is like deciding whether to use the 300 or 302 MegaTon Nuclear Warhead. In the end they'll both do significant damage to everyone you know and loved, those extra 2 MegaTons won't make a meaningful difference. I speak as someone who's struggling as it is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I walked into the house on morning to get my dad and take him out to breakfast. I found him in a fetal position on the floor, next to the computer. It was like he had fallen out of his chair.

If you combine all the pain I've endured in my entire life, and that is a lot being BP1, nothing crushed me or changed me more.

Since his suicide (killed himself by taking all the pills he had in teh house- A LOT), I've been hospitalized 4 out of my 5 times. So in 2 years I've been to the nuthouse 4 times. They should set up a psych ward at my place so we don't waste any time.

I don't think I will ever get over it, nor would I want to. He deserves the outpouring of all my heart and soul.

Loon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, I am not writing a research paper.................Heck, I don't have enough concentration to put two thoughts together lately.

Yes, I am/have been contemplating suicide. Frankly, if I could make it look like a natural act (stopping essential medications), or accident (damn those airbags) I would have long ago.

Yes, I do have children........actually adults now, and yes for many years the thought of them has kept me alive. But to be perfectly honest I consider them adults now, they have their own lives and I feel that my F****ing depression will only get in the way of their happiness. They all have a great relationship with each other and their Dad.........so they will be able to give each other support regardless of the circumstances of my death.

Yes, I do take some credit for the fact that I raised happy, well adjusted kids despite my 30 yr battle with depression...........but the struggle to pretend is getting too exhausting. I am sooo tired.............tooo tired.

I am sure that a note, would never be able to convey the deep sorrow that most people who commit suicide feel for the people they leave behind. I have written many notes over the years.....all tucked into drawers, just in case. Then I read a post about someone who did the exact same thing, and their loved ones kept finding them at different times............they said it was awful and just compounded the loss. I have tried to find and destroy all my old notes.

Anyway......I am still here........contemplating............but still here.

Again, I am truely sorry for all of your losses........but please try to remember they too had pain, and sometimes their act........in the twisted mind of depression, was to them an act of love.

Take care everyone and thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, I am not writing a research paper.................Heck, I don't have enough concentration to put two thoughts together lately.
Hi Zelda,

I'm sorry if my suspicious nature minimized your pain in ANY sort of way--I hadn't read any of your previous posts, but I hear you now and thank you for clarifying for my paranoid mind. ;)

I have been suicidal more on than off and I have 2 kids I'm not done raising yet, but it's moot whether the children are grown or not, Mom checking out wrecks lives and I think that is universal.

I can and do relate to my family member's pain only too well. He wasn't the only one btw, 2 years ago a social worker friend from work, someone who was very helpful to me in getting through the first 2 years of my husband's death (cancer, ag 48), killed herself by freefalling from a parking gargage. Other friends before her, but her death devastated me. My first reaction was envy! Yay, it's done for her, but then grief and disbelief. But her husband died a few month prior to her suicide. He was only 55 and had a heart attack. She had built her life around him. I could tell she was unreachable and I just prayed she would get through that first 6 mos after losing your mate, but I could see in her eyes she was already gone.

I dunno, it is such a gnarly subject. I hope you are getting help to try to relieve your suicidal feelings. If you need to commiserate, PM me anytime. Because in spite of the pain, I have committed to life and it helps to talk to others in the similar place of being THIS depressed but committed to living, nonetheless.

Take care? Please?

Hugs if ya want em,

Suze

Link to comment
Share on other sites

zelda,

my aunt recently killed herself, and while she didn't leave a note she had told me before she died that she felt like she was a burden and that my uncle and i would be better off without her. (of course i tried to convince her this was not true, tried to help. and by the end of that conversation she agreed with me that we needed her. i didn't know how sick she was, i wish i had known.) my psychiatrist said that often when people kill themselves their depression has tricked them, and this helped me understand a little bit, and i know there are times when i have thought people would be better off without me. but if i had known that she wasn't seeing the therapist i found her, and that her meds weren't helping, known that it was more than grief, that she was activley suicidal, i would have done anything to help her. i would go back in time if i could.

have you ever talked to your kids about what is going on?

i don't mean to sound preachy, but i encourage you to talk to your children about this. give them a chance to help.

i'm sorry you are in so much pain,

penny

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...