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Did I do the right thing?


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Hello!!

About an hour ago, I arranged with my Mum and Dad to show them my arm for the first time on Thursday. I haven't cut for weeks, so there are no scars, and they are aware of this. I wouldn't show them if I had cuts or scars currently. I want to show them because we have a holiday coming up in less than two weeks. I don't want to ruin it, which I feel it will a little if I leave it much longer, and I also think it will give me time to get used to wearing short sleeves before I have to in front of people. The main reason, though, is just that I simply want to show them. It feels like a right time. I don't want it to be a spur-of-the-moment thing and I think 'planning' it will give me time to prepare and them warning. This is a huge deal for me, as they know, although they have said it's OK for them. Maybe this is a step forward, I don't know. I spoke to my Dad about it, briefly, and felt more comfortable than usual.

Anyway, my question is.... Did I do the right thing? Or was this a bad idea?

I can't help but feel a little guilty and like I have done wrong ;)

Take care!!

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Hey EZ,

I think your plan is a good one. On many levels. The most important is to get it out, in the open for discussion, grieving, explaining whatever...NOW....rather than on your holiday. You're a smart guy, making good decisions since you landed here, IMO. Keep up the good work!

If you're not showing them anything graphic and fresh, I think it will go well and you are opening the door for conversations that are overdue?? Maybe?

Good luck and we're here to help you along.

Hugs,

S9

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(((((((((((((((((((((((easyy))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I thinkk yu made the right decision by arranging showing yur mum and dad. If it feels like the right time, then by all means yu should do it. Since yu talked to yur dad and felt comfortable with that thats a sign that this is going to work out oki. I know yu can do it ;) This is a good step forward.

Good Luck

take care

-xx

i hope yu have a wonderful holidayy. :)

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Hello!!

Thank you all for your support ;)

Tomorrow is the big day and I think I've made the right decision. My Mum purposely reminded me tonight that she would be finishing work at 4:30pm tomorrow. It boosted my confidence a little. I feel almost ready and that it's almost the right time, but I know it is right for both of them and that it's not exactly been done in a rush these last few weeks.

Wish me luck :ph34r:

Take care!!

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hey ER ---

Glad to hear you're gonna be open with your parents. IMO that's what you should be doing and you made the right choice.

My parents tend towards the hysterical side, but when I showed them while visiting them over Thanksgiving '05 what I'd done to myself after getting fired 2 weeks before, well, they weren't all that enthralled, but they weren't in hysterics either.

I think my father was a little bit more taken aback by it, as he was under the impression that I'd only been suffering from depression since 2003, whereas my mother knew it'd been an issue since at least 1994. I guess it sort of balanced out, since Mom's generally the more hysterical of the duo, by a long shot. ;)

I guess another thing, ER, is your parents' reaction to your MI in general. The more they know you are truly suffering, the less taken aback they will be when you finally show them your physical scars. However, even if they don't really understand, this may "transsubstantiate" your feelings into something they will more easily understand, even if it is uncomfortably shocking to them.

Strangely, this is also how I convinced my aunt (Dr. Tomasina Cruise) that something was REALLY fucked up about me. :) No kidding.

Once again, good luck ER, I'll be keepin' my fingers crossed for ya...

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Hey Rider, sounds like a good plan. One word of advice....remind yourself that you are doing this for YOU and you can't take responsibility for their responces. Good luck and have a great vacation. Find something simple and special in everyday!! ;) B)

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Hello!!

I did it! ;)

It took me a while to build up the courage in my room, but yesterday evening I eventually went downstairs, into the kitchen, gave my Mum a big hug for a few minutes, and then showed her. I was embarassed, but she was so supportive and encouraging. Eventually I just pulled up my sleeve and showed her. She looked at them for a while and then she took me into the lounge to help me show my Dad.

Both of them said they're not as bad as they had expected and that it didn't upset them. A lot of the smaller ones have faded somewhat and they think the larger ones will too over time, which would be good. I felt so much more comfortable and relaxed talking to them about things, and I told them that. I even told them to touch the scars, which I never expected, and showed them how concealer would work if I used it. They both understand and say they are not upset by them. Apparently, it's not in a highly noticeable plaace (left forearm if you hold the back of your neck). I guess the only thing that concerns me is that my Dad said they "weren't very impressive". I don't think he was implying anything though. I think he meant for scars they weren't, which they're not really compared to what can happen and the scars it can leave.

But it's nice that it's out in the open, even if I did feel horrible yesterday after it sunk in.

Thank you all for all your support :) I still need to show my sister and my Nan, but they will be OK with it I think/hope.

Take care!!

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Heya easyrider1984,

Wow, that was *so* brave. Good for you, and be proud of your parents for their *very* mature and matter-of-fact response.

I think you're right in thinking your dad just meant they weren't very impressive *scars.* He's likely seen some really wild scars like, oh, as *my* dad has seen with *his* friends -- metal fragment scars, open-heart surgery scars, his own prostate surgery scar.

I'm just glad to hear you were able to talk about this with them.

And that you feel supported and safe. That after all is the whole point of family, when it works.

Enjoy your holiday!!

--ncc--

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hey ER

sooooo happy that it turned out well!!!! ;)

Though, about your father's reaction, I think it's just his sense of humor... Seems just like that of my boss/uncle...

(Personally, my scars from cycling accidents are far more numerous and larger than any SI scars, so perhaps your father is from that school of thought. :) )

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Hello!!

Thanks all!!

I'm glad I finally got it done. I'm even wearing a t-shirt today around the house, because it's hot and sunny, for the first time since February ;) None of us realised for a while this morning lol!

I think my Dad was just referring to that he's seen worse scars than these and that he thought they would be worse or something. Just the way he is. He likes to be stupid and make jokes sometimes to hide away. I'm OK about it though :cussing:

Take care!! :)

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I think my Dad was just referring to that he's seen worse scars than these and that he thought they would be worse or something. Just the way he is. He likes to be stupid and make jokes sometimes to hide away. I'm OK about it though :cussing:

Once again, you're awesome for explaining it to your parents, and your parents are awesome for understanding you.

And yeah, once again, I see my uncle's sense of humor in your father as well. ;) But I've learned to deal with Uncle's bizarre sense of humor, and I assume you had long ago learned to deal with that of your father's. You know, anything they say might sound mean or at least patronizing/trivializing, but you know it's their way of making light of it.

And besides, SI is a grave matter... and not making the matter lighter using humor may well turn people off from understanding/comprehending it. That said, I'd always felt it'd be your onus and not that of your father to bring up the humorous side of it. :)

But all that matters is that you accepted your father's reaction and found it constructive, and I'm glad you understand your father that way.

Again, very glad for you...

--herrfous

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hi easyrider, so glad it all went well for you, given that your parents are so supportive your dad may also have been implying that the scars are not that impressive as a way of reassuring u that they will heal and fade with time. i really doubt he ment it as a negavtive comparisson.

good for u, best wishes

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