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I know that I even just posted advice to a guy who is thinking he could be asexual or bi or any combination, he just wasn't sure.

I'm not sure either about myself. I know that I just can't have orgasms with men. Some do it for me and I think they're sexy, but some women do it for me too.

RANT and penises do not turn me on. women's genitalia turns me on. forget penises. and i really hate giving oral sex to men. it is so boring and it is tough to do it well, but then they want more. forget it! i hate being the one doing all the work. and if he does the work, then he's some savior of the universe. RANT

there is something so gentle yet primitive, deep and light hearted about loving women. i can't believe anyone (like in the case of battering) would hurt a women (or a child!).

I want to know if I'm a lesbian or leaning towards that side of t hings, but I'm too shy to just ask girls out. is this a subject, along with all other weird sex questions, for my tdoc?

(i have had relationships with women but haven't for awhile, and am unsure about things these days)

loon ;)

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Try not to take it too hard when people on this board come and yell at you for being anything other than lesbian or straight. (Prejudice comes in multiple forms.)

If you're thinking of it as experimenting, your best bet is probably to look for someone else who wants to experiment, rather than to go for traditional dating. Lower chance of hurting someone badly if you decide you're not really interested in women. Be aware she may still get upset. Be aware you may wind up liking her and she may decide she's not interested in women.

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Nobody's gonna yell at you, Loon. Sexual orientation is on a continuum.

Anyhoo, yes, it would be smart to talk to tdoc about it.

As far as finding a willing experimental partner, you could put a personal ad somewhere and clearly state that that is ALL you are looking for. This will scare off the lesbians who want a relationship, thus nobody gets hurt.

I see such ads all the time. Also make it clear that you don't want a 3some with her and her boyfriend, you only want her. Be clear that you do not want men to respond. (They will anyway. Ignore them.)

You could go hang out at a lesbian bar, but you'd probably break somebody's heart that way. I don't recommend it.

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Maybe it's just that I'm weird to begin with, but I have always considered myself to be armchair bi-sexual, I am people shy and mostly just oogle the ones that are are attractive to me. I enjoy looking at either gender (Tho' finding good looking men on the net who aren't geared exclusively to the gay community is a real challenge) It has never occured to me to worry if I was bi, straight or lesbian. Don't worry about lables, just do what is right for you. Try not to think of a potential lover as a gender, but as an individual, at least this has helped me in the past.

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Libby,

I was warning Loon because I have had people say incredibly insulting things to me on this board about bisexual women. I think it would be great for everyone to realize that sexual orientation occurs along a continuum, but not everyone does.

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Libby,

I was warning Loon because I have had people say incredibly insulting things to me on this board about bisexual women. I think it would be great for everyone to realize that sexual orientation occurs along a continuum, but not everyone does.

Hey straight, bi -or whatever..Who cares.. If people post nasties .. because of sexual preference,

they probabl;y aren't getting laid enough.. Science man , read and learn- it's not a choice but a

predisposition. So if you got blue eyes ,do you need to shit on others who have brown..

Live and let live..

Frosty (PMSing)

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  • 2 weeks later...

i'm seeing the pdoc today, not the tdoc, but maybe i'll bring it up to him.

it should be easy to find someone else who is in my situation in this community- we have the highest per capita % of LGBT people east of the Mississippi!

Thanks for all your replies. i'll post more when i have actual news.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Loon,

I kinda skimmed through the replies, so I dont know if it was covered specifically in this thread.

I know I read in the personality disorders thread that you had questions about if you might BPD.

No before you bite my head off for this being OT, just give me a min.

I know that one of the diagnostic chararistics of BPD, can be sexual identity.

So maybe part of you wonders because you may have BPD traits.

I also want to add that wondering what sex is like with the same sex, I think is a very normal thing. Although I suppose a lot of people may not admit that.

I was very much in love with a female in my twenties. Very, very much in love. I think it may have been an obessesion. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that sexual identity can be a trait for those of us with BPD.

Selene

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Don't get too caught up on a label here -- especially not at first. Sexuality is a spectrum, few if any people fall all the way to one end or the other. All the labels are for making is easier to describe ourselves and each other without having to go through a detailed description of what we do or don't find interesting.

When I say I'm lesbian, people know that I'm interested in women -- physically, intellectually, emotionally -- and that I'm not similarly interested in men. You can be lesbian without being all the way to the far end of the scale, my partner is as are quite a number of our friends.

If you want to explore this, I actually do suggest visiting the local women's bar/club. If they have a meal service, go for dinner -- sit so that you can see as much of the area as possible and observe what's going on. You might want to have a magazine or something to pretend to read if they don't have a bar tv to watch. You'll have a chance to see women interacting and that might help you figure out if you want that kind of interaction. Try karaoke night if they have one (you don't have to sing). Go dancing! That might be a particularly good way of figuring out how sexually interested in women you are. Go ahead and meet someone, just be clear that you aren't interested in an actual relationship. Be very very clear. I know this is likely to be intimidating, if you have some lesbian/bi/familiar with the place friends go with them. (I've taken an unsure woman to a women's bar so she could see what she thought. She decided she was mainly interested in men after all.)

Don't get hung up on labels, they're just shorthand -- artificial human-made categories. When you speak to your pdoc/therapist about this stuff avoid using the labels, let them evaluate everything you have to say and then use their professional opinion to put you into a category if they can. And remember even categories are spectrums not absolutes.

Be yourself, whoever that is and never mind the label/category -- if you need/fit one, it'll become clear over time.

Fiona

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I always say this when these discussions come up, partly because it's funny, and partly because it might be useful. I didn't know I was a lesbian until I slept with a woman. I was in such deep denial that my mind just wouldn't consider the possibility until it was thrust in my face. So to speak.

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  • 3 weeks later...

FIRST- libby- OMG- that is so funny! LOL. i know a lot of women like that though. one of my best friends has lesbian mothers and they both actually were married to men and had children, and divorced their husbands and kept dating men, before they realized (being drunk one night) that they were into each other. literally.

i'm throwing this into this post because i don't want to start a new one, and because it belongs here, and because reading through this i don't think i wrote it well enough.

i wanted to know if i'm a lesbian, not if i like girls. i know i like girls. i'm a bisexual woman. my first kiss was with a girl. i need to just acknowledge it and stop being so shy.

my favorite relationship ever was with a girl, thinking about it. i've dated women, but they have to start it.

i believe sexuality is a spectrum as well now considering it. some people are just more to one side than the other. for me, i do like men and women, but men are getting to be on my very bad side (no offense guys!). i think it is shyness around girls (probably because i do really like them) that keeps me from asking them out and having relationships with them, not that i don't like them.

which leads into this- there is a girl up at the drug store i frequent who i like, who i suspect may like me. i'm not too sure. i'm sure i probably turn 50 shades of red in the check-out line (and suspiciously always go to her line). she commented to me today that she hadn't seen me for awhile. true, i've been poor and haven't been to the store. i do live in a community where it is highly likely she could go that way.

what should i do about it? go to the drug store and start buying a lot of gum? i could be all 6th grade and pass her a note! ;)

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FIRST- libby- OMG- that is so funny! LOL. i know a lot of women like that though. one of my best friends has lesbian mothers and they both actually were married to men and had children, and divorced their husbands and kept dating men, before they realized (being drunk one night) that they were into each other. literally.
:) I'm so glad you laughed. My post has been hanging there for nearly 3 weeks with no one laughing. ;) Or I guess I could say that I didn't know I was a lesbian until I was in the middle of boinking one. Anyway, things are better for young folks these days. Not nearly the just total invisibility and negation that existed when I was young.
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