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Bipolar Depression

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There haven't been so many posts here on BP Depression, I guess because everyone goes to the Depression board for that.

But it is true that many BP Depressives go through a different set of feelings, and different brain changes when depressed.

Today, for example, I was so depressed. I scheduled an emergency mtg with my tdoc, who arranged a home visit with me for next week. Then I got home and got all the financial stuff dumped on me, like how I can't afford my car insurance (no job=no money), and so on...it just compounded my feelings of worthlessness. So I went jogging.

I sat at the table in the kitchen, again trying to wake myself up and out of this gunk. Eating for me, like for many people, helps make me feel better, so I ate a reasonable amount of food (trying to lose weight).

I still felt terrible. i wanted to get ice cream but then I'd feel WORSE for breaking my diet. I summoned the willpower to avoid ice cream.

But still, the suicidality was there. It seems to creep up and up through the day and reach some kind of intolerable peak later in the day/evening. Today it was in the early evening.

I decided to take a little Zyprexa and get out of the house. So here I am at the library.

How do you head off your depressions when you feel yourself sliding? Any suggestions?

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I have a ton of suggestions.

The earlier you deal with it, the better. If I wait a day, the depression gets so bad that I can't really do anything to help myself. But if I can catch it early on, I can minimize it.

So, here is what helps me:

> exercise - stretching or walking, nothing fancy. Just get out there and move.

> NOT skipping meals. I tend to not eat when I'm depressed, but if I eat a healthy meal, I feel better instantly.

> Keeping busy. Attending to chores. Running errands. Cleaning. NOT sitting on my butt.

> Writing, reading, listening to music, being creative

> Talking to people (certain people who are easy to be around)

> Dressing up (I feel better if I look good)

> Having flowers in the house, when the house is clean.

There's more stuff, I'm sure. This is just what I thought of off the top of my head. I used to think that there was nothing I could do for depression, now I realize I can definetely keep it from getting really bad, most of the time.

Good luck! - MG

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Thanks MG. I try to do these types of things when I feel it coming on, like today i went for a jog for about 30mins, and that didn't head it off.

I'm not sure if it is just my brain tricking me or if it is really so, but i'm pretty sure Zyprexa (even at the 5mg I took) knocked out the beginning of that episode. I'm interested in knowing if taking emergency meds when you feel something brewing is a good method of controlling the problem before it gets worse.


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My Pdoc instructed me to take Zyprexa whenever I feel something brewing in order to try and stop the problem. I hate taking it though because it knocks me out so totally and completely. I can't imagine taking it and then going to the library. I would be face down in a pile of books pretty quickly.

Other things I do: I make myself write (poetry, in my BP blog, etc.); go for a walk; play with my dog; straighten up my house (for some reason cleaning takes my mind off the thoughts of taking my own life)

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A suggestion I received today--

Just go take a shower.

Start there.

Take a shower.

Stand under the water,

let it wash away your woes

let it take the dirt that has accumulated;

the physical dirt the browns and grimes your skin

the psychic dirt that only your soul can see

running water washes it all away;

Like a mother's loving caress,

it can leave the spirit as soft and new as your skin

waiting for the touch of a new day.

And you know what It actually worked. And I have promised my husband to do ONE thing every day.

That wil be terribly hard, when I feel as totally bottomed out as I do today--but I'm gonna try.

I also made an emergency appt with my pdoc for next Tuesday, 2 weeks early--I need something, somekind of help NOW

china, extra-depressed toay

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Watch movies that I love.

Read books that I love.

Let my husband drag me out of the house for a nice meal or a trip to the local mall. I get extremely isolationist and hate leaving the house when I'm depressed so just getting OUT makes me feel somewhat better.

Cleaning. I have to make myself, but when it's done I feel good.

Visiting with residents at work. I especially like when they tell me stories about when they were young. Even elders with short term memory loss can remember these stories. It's like the history channel, but live ;)

Take a shower. I have a hard time doing that when I'm down.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

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I don't think I can head off depressions without medication. If I'm feeling down for normal reasons, I can pick myself back up, but that requires that my baseline be non-depressed or very close.

When I'm mildly depressed, which doesn't happen very often for me, it's almost a relief because I compare it to the hypomixed depression+anxiety that I usually get and it's so much better. It's not great, but it's not as bad. Mainly I don't have enough energy to do things, and I don't cope with adversity as well. When I get more depressed, I start feeling like my brain is rotting, because there's something constantly wrong with everything in a way that's almost physical. It's not that I'm finding fault with things, it's that everything just feels wrong and my brain feels wrong too. I sleep a lot, and can't imagine having any future, and the things that are wrong with my life take on more importance.

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all your suggestions are good. China, especially, we can use the Golden Shower meditation, the one where we see the dirt on our auras heading down the drain as the golden water from the shower fills us. that's actually a good one for even the non-mystics in the crowd.

funny how i can take Z and not be asleep in a pile of books! i need at least 10mg to have any sleepy effect. 15mg will help, but only with 2mg Klonopin. I guess my body just wants to stay awake and be miserable. man, was i suicidal last night. it takes so much to get up and get out and do something to stop the thoughts and the dark edge. i really, really don't need that!

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...Is it really called the Golden Shower meditation?

That has some other connotations.

Hahhaha, i know what you mean noemie, I saw it and was like ;)

I try to find something amusing to do when I'm depressed. It seems pointless to try and "be happy" when you're in a foul mood like that, so I aim for laughter. This usually means stupid movies, dancing to music which may or may not be pretend, drawing strange pictures etc.

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When I am depressed I spend the days pacing around and crying. Actually, it's more of a mixed state since I am so agitated. What helps? Nothing really. Forcing myself to shower is one thing. Trying to accomplish some laundry and dishes. Not worrying about money. Not catastrophizing everything. Trying to tell myself that this too shall pass.

I found a lump in my breast and I find myself hoping I have cancer so I can be done with this life.

Sorry, I'm not much help. I just know how you feel. IT SUCKS.

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Well, after church this AM, where I felt emboldened to tell folks that I am BP, I drank a cup of coffee--after 2 at home. THEN stopped at Starbucks--hey, its at the beach--for a HUGE iced coffee with TWO shots.

No, I am certianly not depressed, but I am about as hyper as I usually get--not counting the prednisone. Caffeine didn't used to do this to me--I fucking hate getting old, or whatwever is screwing my metabolism to hell and back. I was the person who could drink coffee and go immediately to bed and to sleep. Of course, some years back I could also take Prednisone--THIS REALLY SUX!!!!

I have all these wild ideas about getting this job I want--even my husband looked at me like I was a nut case. And in a minute, I gotta go find the Klonopin.

Damn--another thing to cross off the list with the Prednisone. IAnd I love coffee--cold, or hot--and I LOVE Starbucks. This is not fair, I tell you!!!

Love, china the zippy

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I've developed a binge eating habit on Z, and I want to change meds, except this is the one we've found to break (or at least control) BP symptoms.

downward, downward...

And I didn't think of it, but yes, the Golden Shower Meditation does sound funny!

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