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standardish, perhaps.

depression language, highly familiar, common even, doctors able to talk about this

anxiety language, seems to be more difficult - how to describe?

dissociation -- even more difficult.

barring quoting the DSM, which ends up seeming to be dx-seeking, hypochondriac kind of presentation.

starting to feel like it's futile. starts to feel like, the depression keeps being this pit fall into from getting exhausted from dealing with the other shit. if the other shit isn't ever addressed, keep stumbling into the pit and think, what's wrong with me???

possibly going to go to a new pdoc/psychopharm, and think maybe it's good time to take inventory. don't know where to start -- try the top level language, diagnostic view that could end up in the trap of not being listened to, or try to somehow inventory at very very very concrete level what experience is like.

or if it's all pointless. which ends up being the consensus in here. useless. pointless. futile.

what bucket they throw it in makes little difference, except when dr. keeps feeding line that meds are not the first line treatment, really actually it's nothing more than a pacifier, a temporary symptom control (except what those symptoms are, isn't exactly clear - as in, where are the words for it~).

meh.

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Elvis has it.

Monitor yourself and keep a list of the actual physical, cognitive and emotional symptoms. That's the stuff that doctors can respond to. Things like sleep disruption, digestive problems, crying easily, irritable, can't sit still/can't get moving, etc. That way you don't sound like you're diagnosing yourself, which never goes over well.

Good luck,

Greeny

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what to say when don't have the words. this time, even for the sadness.

and i hate saying feel empty, cause dude i think puts it under BPD. but i guess it's true. so.

case study. self-pathologizing? or just working better under a third-person description?

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i know what you mean. my therapist is always pushing me to express an emotion and describe it, and it seems to fade away and i drift into a fog before i can grab onto it and tell him what it is. only thing he can get out of me lately is anger at him asking me again what i'm feeling. then he gets happy that i'm angry, isn't that weird? sorry, babbling.

sometimes i use lists of emotion words when i'm doing my DBT journaling and i'm having a hard time thinking of how to describe what i'm feeling. i don't have a list for anxiety or dissociation, but i have a list for fear and a list for shame, and i think they're sometimes related to dissociation and anxiety. (the shame thing might be just me.) i guess lists of emotion words are silly or a short cut, but they help me. i'm sure these lists could be filled out with more words, these are the lists off the emotion regulation handout in the DBT workbook.

(i'm not listing these because you mentioned BPD, i'm mentioning it because they help me. from what you've said (in other threads) your doctor seems to attribute odd things to borderline. yes, feeling empty is a part of the pain of BPD, but i'd assume it can happen to non borderlines as well.)

Fear Words: fear, apprehension, anxiety, distress, dread, edginess, fright, horror, hysteria, jumpiness, nervousness, overwhelmed, panic, shock, tenseness, terror, uneasiness, worry

Shame Words: shame (duh, why did they include that?), contrition, culpability, discomposure, embarrassment, guilt, humiliation, insult, invalidation, mortification, regtet, remorse.

i also thought this was interesting

Aftereffects of Fear: Losing your ability to focus or becoming disoriented, Being dazed, Losing control, Remembering other threatening times, Imagining the possibility of more loss or failure, Depersonalization, dissociative experiences, numbness or shock, Intense anger, shame, or other negative emotions.

course, poetry is more fun.

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i know what you mean. my therapist is always pushing me to express an emotion and describe it, and it seems to fade away and i drift into a fog before i can grab onto it and tell him what it is. only thing he can get out of me lately is anger at him asking me again what i'm feeling.

that is pretty much me... and my doc keeps reminding me how pissed he is at me...

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i guess i'm thinking poetry.

except those lists are useful.

you know, at group therapy (brain camp for those in the know), we have been watching Linehan videos like they are going out of style. ew, i hate that expression, why did i use it?

bit better today, but really spacey. i drew a mandala. excuse the saying around it, i made this particular version for the group and someone suggested that saying in the context of mindfullness meditation.

mandala.jpg

and that constitutes what i did today at brain camp.

amidst the spaceyness.

sometimes, not even poetry will do.

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I know exactly what you mean about lack of words. I sit in therapy and say, I can't tell you. there are no words to describe what I'm feeling, or how empty i'm feeling at times. He just keep asking why? and all I can think of is colors, that's the only way I can express myself. I can't even write the lists sometimes, words in my head just don't translate, not even on paper.

Cool mandala, beautiful colors.

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cant figure;

more sad - less words or more?

used to have so much language for how terrible it felt.

what now.

maybe more drawing.

it was the only thing thatseemed to help organize it.

thanks

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  • 3 weeks later...

Oh, Rabbit, I can so relate!

It's like I've got this animated world up in my head, a rich life in there, but can't seem to describe it in words. Like I've got this processing problem. I can think it, but can't say it. Is it due to an organic processing problem or because Mom would slap me right and left for expressing myself. So that there's a conditioned fear of expressing myself. To the point where it's beyond fear, I just don't have the wordsl

Though I do find journaling helpful. Very helpful.

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