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question about my mother


Guest wileycat

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Guest wileycat

I have been trying to figure out my mother for a long time. She is not a miserable person but has her moments of just being totally irritible to outright verbally abusive at times. She was prescribed AD's for a while but never really continued to take them. Mental illness has never applied by history to her side of the family though she knows very little about her Welsh father.

I have been living with her for a year and notice that she does not seem to want to sleep too many hours. She always has to be doing some home improvement project. She likes to "juggle plates in the air" I thought she would slow down once she retired but I am afraid she is killing herself with this no sleeping and not taking care of herself. It is nearing midnight and she is going to paint part of the basement floor. It is always something she has to get done before she can relax according to her.

She sleeps on the couch with the TV going full blast usually.

She got into stained glass and dried flower arrangements and the basement is now full of these things, probably most will never be used.

My question is, can a person be Bipolar without having the crashes and the severe depressions?

Maybe she just has a lot of energy but I am worried about her and I am wondering if I get some of this from her as well.

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Guest Skittle unlogged

Bipolar comes in tons of shapes and forms - it's not just about the massive ups and downs that many people associate with it... ie the so-called manic depression.

Impossible for any of us to diagnose her - including you I'm afraid! But I understand your concern.  Try reading through navysurya's post at the top of the BP forum http://www.crazyboards.org/index.php?showtopic=28 ... this may help to show you how complex a disorder it is. 

Good luck!

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My mother's the same way -- the sleep, the TV, the all-encompassing household projects, the anger and irritability -- and add a tendency to feel persecuted and political paranoia, which at one time was quite pronounced.  She's always been like this, but lately she's been under a lot of stress (and I think people sleep less as they age), so it's been worse.

She'll get into "can't get going" states for short periods, but I doubt if it ever lasts two weeks.  Over her whole life, I'll bet there have been a few real depressions, but it's not a regular cycle.  She also has significant anxiety issues that have mellowed with time but not disappeared.

So -- realizing that I can't diagnose her -- there is no "BP-hypomania only."  But do I have her temperament?  Absolutely.

Good luck.  Living with a parent you're worried about is a delicate business.

sg

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How eerie...you could just described my mother.

Add in years of verbal abuse to me and my sisters, never acknowledging anything positive we did or goals we achieved, jealousy over our looks, youth, boyfriends, you name it, and the yelling. The yelling was by far the most predominant thing by far. Our figures we're never good enough, and consequently we have eating disorders and weight changes.

And that busy thing you mentioned about your mom. She calls it "nervous energy."

And anybody that didn't have her nervous energy was lazy, which of course was all of us girls.

Your mom definitely has symptoms that should be checked out.

My brother and I (both BP) are absolutely convinced our mother is BP. She's the queen of denial.

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Wow, that was intense. Just like hearing stories of my own mother.

For most of my life my mother was very abusive. I remember as young as 5, she wasn't so bad, maybe dragged me across the floor by my hair or something but not too bad. She had a problem with marrying men, was married 5 times. Each of these guys also had problems that only made it worse. She was also an alcoholic. I remember one night getting punched in the eye by my step dad so I accidently kicked him in the balls, yes it was really an accident. My mother back handed me and bloodied my lip. The school took pictures and all sorts of shit like that. I guess I was just really used to it. I remember the feeling I got when the child protective services would come to the house. I felt horror at the thought of them leaving me there alone to face my mom and step dad.

It's many years since then and my mother is still very verbally abusive to me. The last time I heard from her, she called me at 7am she had been up all night drinking and she asked me if I loved my boyfriend more than her and then she hung up. I didn't call her back. I have tried to tell her to get some help but she won't listen to me.

She stays up all night, gets drunk, and cleans house. She passes out and then sleeps all day. She breeds dogs and there are dogs all over the damn house and dog shit to boot. Newspaper all over the floor, but the dogs seem to miss it often.

I think most of the time, I just want to grab her and shake the shit out of her, she is a heartless bitch but then again she is my mom and I will miss her when she is gone, yet I always wonder why.

Erika

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Add in years of verbal abuse to me and my sisters, never acknowledging anything positive we did or goals we achieved, jealousy over our looks, youth, boyfriends, you name it, and the yelling. The yelling was by far the most predominant thing by far. Our figures we're never good enough, and consequently we have eating disorders and weight changes.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You just described my maternal grandmother, whom we stopped visiting when I was six months old.

Suffice it to say that when my mother was at a party, and Mommie Dearest was playing, and they got to the "wire hanger" scene, she had to leave the room and had to put up with all the idiots who thought that Faye Dunaway's performance wasn't "nuanced," or was too hammed up.

The truth is that by, "nuanced," these people mean, "restrained," and Ms. Dunaway was trying to play someone who didn't care about that unless she was out in public. In other words, they had no idea what the fuck they were talking about.

As for depression, which end of the spectrum does this belong in?

My mom recalls her spending a lot of time sitting around the house, smoking and reading trashy romance novels (she had a wall of them, and used to brag about what a "reader" she was), while the chores went undone. If my mother or any of her sisters were to come home from school and immediately get to their homework, she would fly into a rage and call them lazy and put them to work doing what she had all day to do. They might get to their homework around midnight.

She didn't bother to housebreak the dog, either, so the house would smell like dogshit by the time they got home. Anyway, this sounds pathologically undermotivated.

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Guest wileycat

Wow - Sounds like we all have some mentally interesting mothers or grandmothers.

Mine is in top form today, taking all her nastiness out on me, I know I have to be here and wait to get SSDI but I honestly dont' think it is worth it. I am getting more depressed living around someone who is so nasty to me at times and for seemingly no reason. I have come to realize why I was so upset and scared all the time as a kid a lot - my mother and her moods.

I don't care who the fuck she is, but I have never been an asshole like that to anyone, so I didn't get the meanness from her, probably just the inability to relax and enjoy life and letting her make me feel afraid of everything.

I do have my attacks of righteous indignation when people are outright unkind or unfair to me, but I am not an asshole like that, taking everyone down with me. 

god, I have got to get out of here. I have days where I feel like I can't fucking take another day of this. I want to pack up my stuff and run but I am supposed to try and get disablity. I dont' think it is worth it. I reazlie more than anything that i amsuccombing the negativtiy around here and the constant stress. I have to get out of here for longer periods of time, I guess. 

I too developed an eating disorder - my mother had me dieting by age 12 and even to this day she will look at me and tell me I am looking thin again or watch what I eat. Never mind that she just ate half a pound cake in one night.

I put a tearful call into my therapist. I had a revelatioin today that I would feel much better if I got out of here and didn't get SSDI and now I just have to find a way to do it.

Thanks for letting me vent on this post as well. I needed it today. Half my problem is I can't stand my fucking crazy mother anymore.

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Describes my dad to a t.  When you call me at 11 PM (waaaay past our social calling hours and into the OMG who died hours)  on a Friday telling me that you're in the middle of refinishing the basement floor and then ask if you can come over for breakfast in the morning (he lives 2 hours away)? You ain't right. Especially when I know that a good chunk of my MI comes from his side of the family. And he gets into "stuff". Right now it's local art. He has a ton of it, keeps buying it, walls are full. And dude can't sit still. Starts a million different projects and only finishes some (even my grandma's called him out on that one). And when he was working---he's 55 and retired now---he would go to work at 7 and come home after 9 and he was a teacher (school ends at 2:30). AND he operated a Christmas tree farm. And he does dangerous things---like I've seen him trim branches from a tree by putting a ladder on the back of his flatbed truck, and some other scary maneuvers with farm equipment that terrified me. I've never seen him depressed, though.

Not that he would ever, ever admit it if he were sick, tho. Which I am convinced he is. This is only going to get worse as he gets older, isn't it? By the end, his grandmother's house was so filled with newspapers there was a pathway in the middle of them to get through the hallway...

My mom has problems that I can't ID. She's something, but I don't know what. Major depression, but other things that turn her into a major bitch at times. Maybe PTSD from being sexually abused? Really verbally abusive when I was a kid and she did things to me growing up that my shrink doesn't even know about. Whatever.

But my dad...I just have this huge soft spot for him and I just want to take care of him.  I'm afraid all the working is eventually going to make him physically ill (I fear he's going to have a heart attack), but I know I can't even really bring it up with him. Hell, I can't get him to go for a colonoscopy, no way he'd go to a pdoc, or even a tdoc.

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"  I'm afraid all the working is eventually going to make him physically ill"

For guys like your dad, it is often the opposite...when they finally STOP working, they go downhill FAST. He might just be the kind of guy who is always going.

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Wow,..many traits that you guys described sound like my mom too.  Especially taking up the dried flower arrangement thing. 

I also never saw my mom "depressed" per se, but I think the "lows" can come in many forms I believe.  Like my mom would often claim being sick or having bad migraines and would take to her bed for 24-48 hrs at a time.  It would have been hard to tell if she was depressed bc of the xanax she would take while in bed.  Plus she did alot of self-medicating in general. 

I think depression can also come thru as things like the nastiness and aloofness some of you mentioned.  At least in my moms case that is what I believe. 

The mania was much more clear. 

It's a sad thing,..I finially got help for my bipolar,..but she is too ill to likely ever even notice that she is sick, ..let alone agree to take meds.  Or  at least the meds she needs.

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Guest wileycat

Well, I guess a lot of us are poster children for crazy-mother syndrome. It's just strange when you get older and realize it more - that no, it's not that you are the one who has all the problems and that the tree doesn't fall too far from the apple. LOL.

I am just realizing a lot lately. But at least I acknowledge things. I am never one to hide from the truth, no matter how unpleasant it is. I probalby have a few more truths to face up to yet, but I am willing to.

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Yep.  Same mother.  Same father.

Criminy.

Even if I could convince my father (forget mom...seriously can't be bothered) that he should get help, I wonder if I really want to put him thru the whole try, try, try again method of finding the right med cocktail 

I can't take that scene in Mommy Dearest.  It reminds me of how my mother treated me. 

Oddly, my mother was adopted and her adopted mother was pretty abusive and erratic as well.

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Straight-up mania is a type of BP. It sounds like she's bouncing between hypo/mania and perhaps mixed states. Depression ever? Maybe her mini crashes are forms of dysthymia for her. If it isn't normal then it isn't normal! And all this is genetic of course so you probably inherited your issue from her. How nice!

We all have such fucked up parents! My dad was BP and killed himself last y ear (god rest his soul), and my mother is dx unipolar depressed, but I heavily suspect BP2. She gets these projects going and totally stops, then piles them up in teh house. You can't walk through her house because of teh abandoned projects!

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As for depression, which end of the spectrum does this belong in?

My mom recalls her spending a lot of time sitting around the house, smoking and reading trashy romance novels (she had a wall of them, and used to brag about what a "reader" she was), while the chores went undone. If my mother or any of her sisters were to come home from school and immediately get to their homework, she would fly into a rage and call them lazy and put them to work doing what she had all day to do. They might get to their homework around midnight.

She didn't bother to housebreak the dog, either, so the house would smell like dogshit by the time they got home. Anyway, this sounds pathologically undermotivated.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This one.

I thought you were quoting someone else, because it was in RED.

If it was your life, or your mom's, I'm so very sorry.  To this day I have freak-outs at the smell of cat urine, dog poo, or cockroaches.

6

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This was my mom's life. I put it in red to make it obvious what "this" was. Looking back, it might have been unnecessary.

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