Akathesia Sux Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I have a conundrum. I started day therapy today at my local MH facility (this is follow-up after my hospitalization) and quickly realized that most people there were severe schizophrenic types -- you know hearing voices, seeing things etc... I told the group counselor that I wasn't sure that I belonged since I have more issues with depression and anxiety. I mean I really do feel for the others in there and a few of them brought tears to my eyes as they discussed the voices in their heads. I felt almost lucky to have BP disorder and not a Schizo disorder. I certainly do wish them all the best but these folks are mostly non-functioning types who have been coming to therapy for 20 years and all of them cannot and do not work. In other words, they are exactly at the point I hope NOT to be in the years to come. I don't want to have to rely on government checks and city transportation. At least I HOPE I don't have to. One of them even thought I was a visitor there visiting an ill family member. They didn't think for a second that I actually had any illness myself. I feel like I am better than my illness and that there is no reason I should not be able to live a normal functioning life replete with a job, a spouse, and a white picket fence. However, I have not worked in a while and often times feel like I am heading directly to the place these folks are. My conundrum is: I feel like I cannot fit into group therapy sessions at my MH clinic, yet I also feel like I do not fit into society at large either. Sure, I can feign my emotions and pretend to be normal and many people are indeed shocked when they find out I have any form of mental disease, but deep down I know I am often times tortured inside. The recent two months have been especially tough. Does anyone else feel like you cannot relate to those day therapy sessions at your local hospital/clinic? I wish there were illness specific therapy sessions in my area. You often hear about successful people with Bi-polar disorder, but, in my area at least, all the people I see are non-functioning and on disability. Does anyone know where I am coming from? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loon-A-TiK Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Hiya AS- I sure do know just where you're coming from. I don't have a spouse or white picket fence, but I do have a job (right now anyway, but am applying for SSDI) and a car. I'm BP and while I have the psychotic symptoms while my symptoms flare, I'm not as bad as the very non-functional people I've run across in support groups I've been to either. I've come away from support groups feeling really bad for the people in the group, but like I had nothing to contribute except my support (for them) and sympathy (for them). I also feel this way when I'm in the hospital. Many of the patients are usually worse than me, and I get grouped with them for sessions or whatever. I don't know what to do about it either. I feel like I do need extra support, but I don't feel like I'm at that kind of place yet where I need to be in a group like that, and hopefully will never be in that kind of place. One lady at my last hospitalization who I was with really scared me, and I just wanted to help her so much, but she still scared me. She had 3 sons who had committed suicide, was a crack addict herself, was schizophrenic, had been terribly abused as a child by several people, and the list goes on. She just had a lot of issues. We were paired and had to do a lot of activities together. I wanted to help her and felt terrible for her, and terrible for my reaction to her. I'm just being honest. I don't mean to be mean. But yes, with the kind of condition many of us are in, we're well enough to function in life, but not well enough to be totally "normal". whatever "normal" is. we don't necessarily fit into a group like the ones we've witnessed, but we'd like to be in some kind of group. i have the same problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unipolarbear Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 I know exactly what you both feel. I wish there was a group for us. I asked my pdoc and she said that there isn't anything at my MH center. The people in the hospital with me always seemed so much worse, so I felt like I was taking advantage or maybe wasn't deserving of the same care. Maybe i'm jsut "bipolar lite." But when the manicness and depression and anxiety come on, it feels like I'm the only one in the world, like I'm all alone with my mental problems. It always seems light the weight of the world is on me and I can't get out from underneath it. I do wish they would listen to us and make a group for us. I'm sure there would be many attendees. In the meantime, these boards are the closet and best thing. I'm very thankful for finding crazyboards.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akathesia Sux Posted August 25, 2006 Author Share Posted August 25, 2006 I know what you mean, Andrew. Whenever I become "sick" I feel like my symptoms are special and no one else experiences them. I probably was the only one at the hospital with my anxious/manic dysphoric symptoms and I felt like the doctor had never quite heard anything like what I was telling her. However, in comparison to the other people in there, I probably didn't appear all that strange and not as severe, though to me, it was like I was dying. As I said, I am not working at the current time, but I am totally functional when I feel well, and I wish there were group sessions for "functional Bi-Polars." Maybe one day, I can only hope. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wizdum Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 OMG can I relate. I wish there was a support group in my area for "High functioning" Bi-polars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kharama Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 I have a conundrum. I started day therapy today at my local MH facility (this is follow-up after my hospitalization) and quickly realized that most people there were severe schizophrenic types -- you know hearing voices, seeing things etc... I told the group counselor that I wasn't sure that I belonged since I have more issues with depression and anxiety. I mean I really do feel for the others in there and a few of them brought tears to my eyes as they discussed the voices in their heads. I felt almost lucky to have BP disorder and not a Schizo disorder. I certainly do wish them all the best but these folks are mostly non-functioning types who have been coming to therapy for 20 years and all of them cannot and do not work. In other words, they are exactly at the point I hope NOT to be in the years to come. I don't want to have to rely on government checks and city transportation. At least I HOPE I don't have to. One of them even thought I was a visitor there visiting an ill family member. They didn't think for a second that I actually had any illness myself. I feel like I am better than my illness and that there is no reason I should not be able to live a normal functioning life replete with a job, a spouse, and a white picket fence. However, I have not worked in a while and often times feel like I am heading directly to the place these folks are. My conundrum is: I feel like I cannot fit into group therapy sessions at my MH clinic, yet I also feel like I do not fit into society at large either. Sure, I can feign my emotions and pretend to be normal and many people are indeed shocked when they find out I have any form of mental disease, but deep down I know I am often times tortured inside. The recent two months have been especially tough. Does anyone else feel like you cannot relate to those day therapy sessions at your local hospital/clinic? I wish there were illness specific therapy sessions in my area. You often hear about successful people with Bi-polar disorder, but, in my area at least, all the people I see are non-functioning and on disability. Does anyone know where I am coming from? I can VERY much relate i go through group therapy mon-thurs and YES some of the people in there suffer from the schtizo mantra ... SO i had to go find private sessions with group that wasnt the local hospital .. cause i couldnt do anything but feed off there issues and problems and just sent me a flyin high and higher... cause they would talk about the shit i go through every day and its that trigger we all think about and talk about .... oh joy! But yes if thats not what ya lookin for reach out to other places hell if ya lived in my state ya could come to my group i am sure ya would like it But more then anything i think the mental health world should not put bipolar with other people cause we are a dictonary of problems and should have to feed off the emotions of others and drive our rage and mania just food for thought .. or just watch endless hours of foamy the squirrel the ultimate therapist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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