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small events that turn into BIG triggers


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I am sitting here waiting for the Klonopin to kick in. I've been pacing, crying, wringing my hands and panicking because my tennis team might be cancelled due to a shortage of courts. That will mean I have to play for fun at an earlier time than everyone else instead of competetively. Really no big deal, but it is to me!!!!! I can feel myself sliding into a dark depression over this.

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I am sitting here waiting for the Klonopin to kick in. I've been pacing, crying, wringing my hands and panicking because my tennis team might be cancelled due to a shortage of courts. That will mean I have to play for fun at an earlier time than everyone else instead of competetively. Really no big deal, but it is to me!!!!! I can feel myself sliding into a dark depression over this.

I remember once when I was unmedicated, I got suicidal because I didn't get any mail. Seriously. The mailbox was empty and life wasn't worth living anymore. If it weren't for the fact that I had two toddlers at the that time to take care of, I may not be typing this today.

Small things can turn into big triggers. I hope your tennis thing works out and your depression doesn't get too bad.

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it is a big deal to you! i totally understand why. you like playing your sport and you want to play for real against other people and you're worried about your participation and court situation.

now, you know, these things can become huge. like the time i sat in my car for an hour bawling because mcdonald's forgot that my fries were large. then i went in and complained and they gave me large fries. you'd wonder why i hadn't done that before. i was too busy taking it personally that mcdonald's didn't give me the right fries!

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I took a couple of Klonopin last night to help me sleep but I'm up now and crying again. I feel so depressed. I don'twant to be bipolar anymore. I just want to get off the meds and go back in time to before I was diagnosed and I was just a quirky, and sometimes crazy, sometimes funny girl. Not some friggin Zombie who sits and cries for no reason and never ever smiles. I HATE THIS!

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honey, as much as the klonopin seems to help you, it could also be keeping your depression going. Benzos are known for worsening depression.

Honestly, if you're going to get really depressed, I'd say just let it happen, because the sooner you start, the sooner you finish. I'm really sorry about your tennis team, it would have been nice if things had worked out. I'm not really one for sports, but I can understand preferring competition to 'for fun'.

Feel better lady ;)

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It's not even about the stupid tennis anymore. I broke a nail and cried my eyes out today. I am just a total wreck. The tennis was the trigger and now I am down deep in the pits. I am in a hole that i can't dig out of. I hope it will pass like you say Ehygon but I can't feel it lifting any time soon. The Klonopin really does help with the anxiety i am feeling right now.

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