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Moved and not doing well


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My husband in in the military and we just moved to AZ. The kids and I are here, he will be here in about a week. I have been by myself for a month now and have noticed that I am losing it...and fast. Zoloft and Gabapentin are doing nothing and trying to get an appt is just not working. Try October:( I have sat in my bathroom too many times to count and cried and had thoughts. I have never been this down. What should I do? I don't have anyone here for me to drop my kids off with and go check myself in. But I really think I need to get help for myself. My son also is having issues and luckly I got him an appt at the Children's hospital for Wednesday, but what am I suppose to do for myself. Please help!

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I wish...the nearest base is 50 miles away. I don't know anyone out here. Plus...I have found military wives are not the girls you want to run to when you need help. Some of them are just down right mean. I am going to do some calling around tomorrow....Thanks:) I wish I knew someone, it would make it so much easier for me.

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this is kind of a roundabout way of asking for help, but could you ask the doc your son will see at the Children's Hospital for a reference to an adult GP? Might be easier to get an appt than with a pdoc, and if the GP sees it as an emergency, he/she could call and bump you up in the pdoc's queue? Or are you confined to using base doctors for insurance reasons?

Not terribly helpful suggestion, as I really have no idea how the military works in the US. I'm not surprised you feel so incredibly isolated. Keep talking here - we're all some flavour of craziness, and someone will always be willing to talk with you. (though I know you need tangible medical help right now)

Skittle

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Gee, Melissa, welcome to the club of displaced crazy folks. I was nice and stable till we moved to Fal, then the shit hit the fan. Its SO HARD to find a doc when you know no one--took me three atempts, the first 2 were horrible, horrible disasters.

Are you on CHAMPUS? Been there, done that (was an army officer's wife once--no further comments, please) I think calling your kid's doc and asking for a PCP( Primary Care Physician, you people with nasty minds--) is the BEST thing to do.

TALK to your kids' doc--tell him whats up, and that you think you might hurt yourself or others (if thats the case) But anyway you do it, let him know in no uncertain terms you need help now, you have been under care at your previous base/post, and you KNOW the signs that things are going down the tubes. He has a medical obligation to atleast refer you to someone, and thats a start.

I agree with the army/military wives summary, BTW--surest way in the world to get your husband's career derailed in a splitsecond.

Please don't wait--the stress of being in a new place, with no friends, and a husband who is gone alot--coupled with the responsibkity of your kids could make any tiny little neurosis grow like Jack in the Beanstalk. Hell I get anxious just thinking about all that--

PLEASE do this today- I've been there, and believe me, I KNOW--and I care---

You can PM me anytime--I can't do chat, cause I don'thave the brain of a 12 year old---but I am always home, if you just need to vent, or there is something I can do. Its been a while since I delt with military medicine, CHAMPUS, etc., but may be I can help a little.

Bottom line--you are HERE, so you are not alone. Just do something befoe things just grow and grow, and your kids start telling the neighbors that mommy's nuts.

with love, china (formerly china wife of "the Major"--now wife of a biker--strange even to me-)

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when I moved to la i thought i would seriously lose it. panic attacks, agoraphobia, horrific depression, it was a nightmare. I can totally relate. can you go to a local urgent care and get some samples or maybe pay for some klonopin or something? go to craigslist.org and post for a few chat buddies in the platonic section for your area(don't give out too much info at first just chat in general to release pressure) to meet new women there. We're here for you.Keep talking and don't stop...

blessings

lilie

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Melissa---

I think the SOP (excuse the military lingo, we use this term in the biotech industry as well) in these cases is to visit the ER. Your mood is going south rapidly, and that is NO good.

Generally, psych care in the ER is pretty good (I've never been there, so I hope someone else here will contribute their experiences).

And I guess I will show you my sympathies about moving. Because of visa troubles and the fact my father was "postdoc-hopping" for a decade, we moved 4 times in 10 years. After graduating college, I lived in 4 cities in the span of 2 years!

I understand too how rough it is to form a social network when you're sick. Like you, there are few people in my age/status boat around, and even finding those is difficult since we're both sick.

I guess the only advice I can offer you is to go to the ER, and my sympathies atop that. Wish you the best.

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Hiya Melissa-

I'm not a military wife or a pdoc, so keep that in mind when I give you my opinions please!

It sounds like what you're on isn't going to hold in a bipolar person. Zoloft and Gaba? Really? Whoever gave you THAT needs his or her head examined. Look at my signature and see what shite I take. Not that every bipolar person takes the same types or amounts of medicines that I do. But generally there is a mood stabilizer in there. Is your now-former pdoc going for Gaba being your mood stabilizer? If so, it is a horrible one at best and is better at treating anxiety. You need a mood stabilizer. No wonder you're going batshit.

I happen to take 2 mood stabilizers. Many do, many don't. This could be good for you. Maybe not.

I take an atypical antipsychotic. It takes away mixed and manic episodes. The key is that mixed with Topamax it is known to be a very good antimanic agent, on top of its already good mood stabilizing benefits. It is the most widely RXed atypical in the world. Because of your mixed episodes and how strong your symptoms are, you may want to ask about atypicals. They clear up your thinking fast and put you on track like nothing else. Usually you have to wait for meds to kick in but these babies act fast. Time is important when you need to deal with life and kids and stuff. You don't seem like you have time to sit around and doodle on your pad of paper.

My point isn't to lecture on the cocktail I take. Rather, I want to point out that on the meds you're taking, you're most likely not going to get any better. You can hold your head up and go on with your symptoms, and maybe even weather them a bit, but the chemical imbalance of bipolar disorder is much closer to the surface and is, for all purposes, untreated.

This is NOT fair to you OR to your children.

My gut feeling is that you need treatment NOW, and from personal experience (I've been there 5 times), the best way to get that treatment is going into inpatient in the hospital. It isn't as scary as it sounds. It is actually reassuring after you get past the initiation/intake phase. That phase sucks, I'll admit.

You have the problem of what to do with your children. I don't have children and this was never a concern. My roommate watched my cats.

My parents are/were (my dad is dead- suicide) both bipolar. There were times when they went into the hospital and I either had to be taken in by the other, or when that wasn't possible, I went into temporary foster care. Temporary foster care is like staying as a guest in someone's house for a week or so. It isn't the end of the world. For a mature or inquisitive kid, it is actually a nice break from the regular routine. I never hated foster care.

If it is in the best interest of yourself and your children, think about all of your options. I'm no pdoc or family counselor. However, I've been to the hospital, been in horrible mood states, been in foster care, been in families striken with severe mental illness. My idea is that even if it is totally necessary and there is no option but temporary foster care, it is worth it to have you sane and healthy as opposed to sick and unbalanced. That is a bad example for your kids and only leads to further problems. It is not a shameful thing to need immediate intervention in your mental health care and med situation. It looks like your meds suck and you need some oversight now. If you can't get in to get some care now somewhere, please do look into your hospitalization options. It may not sound pretty or like something to consider, but with everything on the table, I'm laying it out there.

The choices are yours of course. It isn't my life. I can only tell you what I've been through and the choices my parents have made. I agree with my parents' choice to put me in temporary foster care to deal with their own mental health issues.

love and light-

loon

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Thank you all so much! I have always questioned my meds. I have been on them for 8 months and nothing. My doctor gave them to me but when I spoke with his supervisor he said no, you don't have BP you are just stressed.. I flipped out! I couldn't do much else because we were 3 days from moving and now it is just getting worse. I know I need to go to a hospital but with no one to watch my children...it's a sitting game till my husband gets here next week.

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Take one day at a time, honey--one hour--one minute--and be aware that MOST of us were dx'd with depression and/or anxiety before someone figured out the BP thing. I finally got the BP dx about a year ago, but it has taken till NOW for anyone to say--"Hey, how about ADD?"

You'll make it--just hang on--post as often as you want, and try not to "go global" as my BP son and I all it-thats when you say"Its all terrible, this will never work, I am the worst person in the world, I am ruining everyone's life, there is no hope for me, etc. etc."

china

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