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What Is Your "Normal"?


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hiya-

i never had a normal mood state before i started meds. even then, it was really rare. now on my current cocktail i've maintained the normal state for a few months.

i feel so locked in place, almost too locked in. i used to be really sensitive. now, i can hardly cry even if something really upsets me. it seems like i just can't do it.

when i feel elation, it is only when i make myself. for example, i have to exercise a lot and get a "high" from that to feel super happy and elated. it comes down quickly too like someone who has been exercising. that's normal i think.

the abnormal part though is not being able to cry. i used to cry all the time.

i think it is just a trade-off for being "normal" and stable.

what is your normal? especially, when your meds lock you in, are you capable of being excited or sad? do you cry or jump for joy?

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boyd, it sounds like life is so much better for you too! except work. i wish i didn't have to go to work tomorrow too. but i'm a lot happier going to work than i was being unemployed. still, i agree, just thinking about work is enough to make me feel mixed! lol

sometimes i feel like an unfeeling android compared to how i used to be. i was so emotional. i've never been solid before. people can joke and tease, and i just give it back. i used to run to the restroom and cry. i don't miss that crying! i also don't miss confrontation. now it is water off a duck's back. there is no confrontation, just 'hey, this is this way', and people listen. it is amazing what calm and collected can accomplish.

i miss being able to cry about my dad, or over my favorite songs, or when i read sad scenes in books. i'm sensitive and i just can't express it like i want to being as locked down as i am. i guess i have to either start being able to cry, or find new ways of expressing the range of feelings i do have. i physically can't make myself cry anymore. i also don't have the range of feelings anymore that i used to have.

but still, we're locked in good and tight! no sobbing fits, no invinsible delusions, no confrontations and no ultra-hurt feelings over stupid stuff.

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I still get pretty emotional, but then, I always have been--I cry at TV commercials!! What I notice is that, unless the ADDmeds just kicked in, I am basically a slob, no motivation, no energy, everything just seems like a whole lot of trouble, and I SURE don't want to go out much.

The ADD meds (Ritalin at the moment) have worked wonderfullly--just don't last long enough. (We're going to talk changing to Adderall tomorrow)

Basically, I am bored, boring, and don't have ANY life when all the BP meds are working.

But its better than being curled up in the fetal position on the restroom floor at work, crying hysterically on the cell phone--and subsequently losing THAT job!! Or so depressed I can bearly speak. Or running around like a chicken on speed, ranting and raving and occassionally throwing things.

I miss the old days, when I could successfully self-medicate--sigh--

china

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For me normal is being able to respond to events in a reasonable fashion. If someone upsets me or makes me angry I can talk to that person about how I am feeling without yelling. No screaming, crying fits where I throw things and storm out.

Sad movies, books, and events make me cry but don't send me into a never ending spiral of depression. Happy events are good, I can smile and laugh without feeling fake. I have enough energy to accomplish things but not so much that I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin.

I can appreciate the good things in my life, just simple everyday things that were lost to me for a while. My pets make me happy, my boyfriend is once again the sweet and loving man that I always knew he was. My coworkers don't anger and upset me like they used to. Even disgruntled clients don't phase me or make me cry.

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Normal for me, is really what normal to a MI person would be; NOT crazy. I don't feel moody, or sad, or anything else. And rather than assume this is a blah kind of state, it's not unpleasant. Content, rather than happy.

If only I spent more time being normal. ;)

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you guys are all having such good experiences with the whole Normal thing, where's my good normal? lol. let's trade meds! my meds are keeping me from being a manic-depressive (in the old-fashioned, psycho sense) psycho killer or something, and i'm not hearing voices, but damn if i feel like some kind of robot sometimes. i just can't cry and it is making me mad.

i'm going to go off in a corner and cry over this!

boyd- i talk and babble so much about myself, i'm not sure what one you're talking about, but you weren't unsympathetic. you're fine. ;)

lemonflavor- meds still not right? when are you seeing a new pdoc? that's always hard, because you have to get to know each other a bit to get that working relationship going. get to the new pdoc soon. i don't think you need encouragement to do this though, you're probably sick of feeling like shite.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Update on Normal- besides me NOT being normal- strangely, with Topamax taken out of my cocktail, i'm feeling very much better. i'm feeling like what you guys are describing, like i can rationally handle life events and not be crushed. i feel like i can have a conversation and not cry over something going wrong. when i need to cry, tears come out now, and before i felt robotic.

maybe it was the topa, or maybe other little changes we've made in my cocktail, like my risp. dose changes? who knows. i'm feeling much better now.

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I don't remember anymore. I've been mostly off meds for about a year, and it's been quite a while since I've felt normal. I had a mild, mainly euphoric hypomania for a lot of the summer, though. I think normal might have been a bit like that, only with less paranoia and more sleep.

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I had to think hard about this... and I honestly haven't a CLUE what normal feels like. Sometimes I wonder if the meds are trying to treat my personality instead of my disorder, and that normal for me really is hysterical highs, mixed episodes and suicidal lows. Maybe that's just the way I'm made? Or maybe it's just that I don't like the thought that normal = the flat, somewhat deadened person I am when my meds are behaving. Okay, not making much sense here. "Normal" is a conundrum that I don't think I'll ever figure out.

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I have Bi-polar...I usually stay on the low side...But when I get on the high side look out!...All hell breaks loose!....Cant concentrate....Wantin to spend money on things that I dont need....Very irratable.....Feeling as though im on a non stop rollercoaster....

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I'm not altogether sure that I have a normal but after thinking about it I've decided that if all the bills are paid, I 'm not too far in debt, I don't want to kill myself or anyone else, am not having panic attacks,and am having friendships and family relations without argument or stress then that's probably as normal as its ever going to get.

lilie

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I've been feeling normal for the past month or two. And this during a move! Anyway, I can still cry, I don't get as happy/excited as usual, but I'm also not all over the chart constantly. My mood is basically consistent. I am able to present a normal front at work. I do get imapatient with my children, but my irritibility is not as bad as it used to be.

I like this new normal. Wellbutrin added the last necessary shot of the cocktail. Knock wood.

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For me normal is being able to respond to events in a reasonable fashion.

I agree. At the moment, I am what I would call 'normal' in that I seem to be reasonably in control of my actions.

However, if by 'normal' you are referring to my most common state of mind, then it's hard to say. Possibly it's a mild form of a mixed state - not destructive, but I spend most of my time feeling slightly jittery and worrying.

I had my first big high recently where it was so high it was uncomfortable and I didn't know what I was going to do next. Originally I'd assumed that this manic episode was confined to a single day, but looking back I think I spent the vast majority of my first term last year with a degree of hypomania. I was largely unaware of this and continued to be loud, giggly, exuberant, sometimes obnoxious, and frequently made a fool of myself without really caring about the consequences.This was then followed in the second term by an appaling depression, which then later morphed into the worst mixed state I have ever had.

I have never been officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it was only ever suggested - which in part I blame that on having a crap pdoc, (or rather his registrar) who put me on endless prozac but did precious little else - but I'm pretty certain I have Bipolar II, as do my long suffering parents!

At the moment I'm not on any medication and I hope I continue to stay in control, particularly as Prozac didn't help much.

After watching Stephen Fry's recent documentary, it seems that manic depression is not a clear cut disorder and sufferers can have a variety of different experiences. The registrar said she didn't think my mania was consistent enough for a diagnosis but as I said earlier I think it was worse than I realised when I was describing it to her. Personally, I don't see how a mental illness can be so clearly defined in the first place. Physical illnesses are bad enough. When I was diagnosed with cancer it took them ages to decide exactly which kind of tumour it was, and in the end they decided it was a variant! Gahh I'm rambling, excuse me...

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