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Hi first post here.

Misery loves company I guess. I dont care anymore. I do what I have to do to survive. I live alone so that doesnt require much. Work is pretty lenient and I've molded the last few years of my life to reduce stress as much as possible after some rough times in early 20's.

I still dont give a damn about anything. I cant stand most people and I feel like everyone is fake or selfish.

The few friends i had moved and most people only are about what they want from relationships anyway.

Apathy describes my life.

Never seen a therapist or anything and I wonder if meds are the answer. I dont want to become a zombie.

Exercise helps but getting the motivation is hard. Sheer vanity to stay attractive is my only pull to get up and run.

Last time I had sex, I had ED. Maybe i was too drunk or I dont know. Not old enough to have to deal with that crap.

Im just ranting. Maybe you losers will know what I need to do since I'm at the point of giving up.

Tough love? maybe, i'll listen to any advice now.

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hiya,

welcome to CB! thanks for posting. i hope you find good friends and good advice here. i think that our combined heads are crazy enough and smart enough to help out with some tough stuff. i love CB.

anyway...

i started a thread on the BP board about how being normal feels, and i think it would speak to your question really well. we've all had different experiences with meds, however i'm seeing in their responses that most of them feel that they can experience the normal range of emotion and express themselves in appropriate and rational ways because of their medication, whereas before they had emotional and perhaps behavioral issues due to bipolar disorder.

for me personally, i feel better on meds than not on meds. i can accomplish a lot more, i'm not afraid of my own shadow, and i feel just so much better. it is hard to describe. the thing i'll be honest about that i personally find weird about my meds, and i seem to be the only one around here so far in my little survey, is that i can't cry. i used to cry at the drop of a hat and now i find myself just coming up blank. my dad committed suicide 2 years ago and even thinking of his death, something that used to literally put me in the hospital, hardly wells up my eyes anymore. i find that slightly disturbing, but maybe that is why i'm locked-in on such heavy medication- maybe i need to be on this much medication to stay out of the hospital. maybe i can't cry like that or i'll be bawling over my dad all the time again and put myself in the nut house every few months like i was. thinking of it like that, i'm willing to trade my tears for some time away from white coats and yet more brushes with death.

life is here to live. there should be nothing stopping you! there is no point in wasting years and then looking back when you're older and wiser and wondering what could have been. my dad doesn't have any more life left because he didn't see the future and his own importance. no, we're not fortune tellers, but we see the future in ourselves when we believe in our potential. i sound like a stupid song now! lol

off to the pdoc for you young man. it is time to down your meds. take some paxil or something to help with that ED issue ;) i had the hardest time having orgasms on that stuff. it made me feel great but damn, god has a warped sense of humor when it comes to sex and meds. maybe the same stuff that frustrated me would help you!

it has been great meeting you.

loon

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Sounds like if I said depression is like having shit colored glasses welded to your head, you'd know what I meant. There's an awful lot of appalling stuff out there, and awful lot of good stuff too. Depression hides the good stuff pretty well. In any case, I've felt the way you've described many times.

Meds probably aren't "the answer", but they can make things a lot easier to deal with. Kind of like having a ladder instead of having to claw your way up a brick wall. Not all, or even most, meds turn you into a zombie, although something like an overdose of Ritalin clearly can. And when I started to take Prozac, I was emotionally flat for some time, but that was a great improvement. Later, I got my emotions back. My s.o. takes Zoloft, and she is most definitely NOT a zombie.

It does help to be patient and have a sense of humor when taking meds. They can feel a bit weird at first, especially the side effects. But if you need them, it's worth it.

It's my understanding that the combination of meds and therapy is better than either alone, and I've certainly found therapy to be useful. Imagine someone paying total attention to you for an hour. (ok, 45 minutes) It's work, but it can be worth it.

Even Shakespear pointed out that drinking can give you ED, tho I don't remember what play that's in. (Seriously.) Or, if you have misgivings about the whole encounter, ED shouldn't be a surprise. ED isn't limited to old guys, either. There are still plenty of very fun sexual things to do if you have an open mind. Plus, there are meds that usually work.

Try to drop that losers idea. It's destructive and inaccurate. But rant if you need to. Everyone else does at one time or another.

Here's hoping you find a way to feel better soon.

Hi first post here.

Misery loves company I guess. I dont care anymore. I do what I have to do to survive. I live alone so that doesnt require much. Work is pretty lenient and I've molded the last few years of my life to reduce stress as much as possible after some rough times in early 20's.

I still dont give a damn about anything. I cant stand most people and I feel like everyone is fake or selfish.

The few friends i had moved and most people only are about what they want from relationships anyway.

Apathy describes my life.

Never seen a therapist or anything and I wonder if meds are the answer. I dont want to become a zombie.

Exercise helps but getting the motivation is hard. Sheer vanity to stay attractive is my only pull to get up and run.

Last time I had sex, I had ED. Maybe i was too drunk or I dont know. Not old enough to have to deal with that crap.

Im just ranting. Maybe you losers will know what I need to do since I'm at the point of giving up.

Tough love? maybe, i'll listen to any advice now.

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Sorry for calling anyone a loser, it wasnt intended for anyone. It was dark humor at best. Wow! Let me just say that the ED thing was NOT caused by meds. I sent the wrong message out. I'm not taking any at all. I wouldnt know where to start. I only go to the doc's for physicals so i dunno who prescribes them to begin with. I dont know what else to say about my poor performance other than maybe alcohol and anxiety. For the record that girl doesnt call anymore.

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welcome aboard.

you can call us losers as soon as you beat schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, DEPRESSION, or any other terrible form of mental illness. it takes real guts to go there, not stand behind your username and call other people losers.

CBers are my heros for coming out with their hearts and courage.

maybe someday you'll have the manners to discuss things properly and the insight to appreciate this wonderful community.

Loon-A-TiK

28-yr-old female who works as a help desk analyst, has an economics degree from one of the best schools in the US, and has no trouble finding partners who do not have erectile dysfunction. likes to go clubbing, dancing, and hang out with friends, both online and in person, who are also a bit off center.

(((((((CB Community)))))))))))

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welcome aboard.

you can call us losers as soon as you beat schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, DEPRESSION, or any other terrible form of mental illness. it takes real guts to go there, not stand behind your username and call other people losers.

CBers are my heros for coming out with their hearts and courage.

maybe someday you'll have the manners to discuss things properly and the insight to appreciate this wonderful community.

Loon-A-TiK

28-yr-old female who works as a help desk analyst, has an economics degree from one of the best schools in the US, and has no trouble finding partners who do not have erectile dysfunction. likes to go clubbing, dancing, and hang out with friends, both online and in person, who are also a bit off center.

(((((((CB Community)))))))))))

Nice, I like the sassiness. I did apologize btw. and im 27. i was being honest about my bad night. sheesh. you think I liked having that experience? but since you are the only one talking to me, hostile or not, i will continue this conversation since i am in a better mood and like the attention. so, i hope your well educated, heartbreaking loony self has a nice night too.

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ok, forgiven, as long as you're sorry for offending me and people i really respect, then i'll apologize for being overly-loony with you.

yes, it is friday night, and i have to get ready soon for my night of mischief. ;) this is my weekly stress relief.

i hope you've had a chance to kind of check out what some of the bipolar people have to say over in the "normal" thread. it is interesting because they're talking about how they feel when they're normalized on their meds. most of them take AD drugs as well as mood stabilizers and some take atypical antipsychotics too. if anything will you feel like a zombie, it will be that stuff (the antipsychotics). the ADs shouldn't. you'll really never know unless you try. you can always change meds if one doesn't work. usually we change meds a few times before we find the right one anyway.

i just thought about this one- you said that you're kind of coasting in life right now, and don't have a lot going on per se. i don't know if you feel this way too, but a lot of my friends in their late 20s/early 30s and i feel like we've got to do something, like we're not doing enough, like we're failing or something because we haven't achieved some weird goal that we may not have even articulated to ourselves yet. there is the stress of thinking that you should be doing this or that, or more than you are doing, and feeling like a failure for not being where you think you should be. do you feel that way?

i believe that ADs lift us to the point where we can see above all the crap and then start to fix what is broken. it is the thing about the glasses. while you're in the thick of depression, you only see what you feel and what is around you. when your brain chemistry is corrected there is this renewed insight, and a spark of energy to correct everything that doesn't seem right. it is really awesome actually. the first time it happened to me i was just amazed that all i had believed about myself and life turned out to be totally false. btw- there is also that realization in reverse coming down from mania, when you realize that you're not superhuman or anything, but only you...but that's for the bipolar board!

see what you can do about lining up a pdoc, or at least talk to your gp and see if he or she can start you off with something and recommend a pdoc. a lot of GPs will start people on ADs. WB is popular with most people and seems to have few side effects. i take it and don't notice it is there, except that it makes me feel better.

loon

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Welcome.

Well you already know you feel like shit, and your life has devolved to shit. You are depressed. If you could solve it yourself you would have. Yes meds help.

Imagine if you have to admit to one of your friends "Yes I take meds for depression, how terrible. I actually feel better and enjoy life now". ;)

A psychiatrist is the pro to see. And as ldo mentioned, seeing a therapist as well works better than just taking meds alone. Even if you don't have any major issues, just going in to talk to a therapist at least until you get back into the swing of things really helps.

The ball is in your court. Keep living the gray life, or do a little bit of hard work and get back to enjoying things.

good luck,

a.m.

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Sorry for calling anyone a loser, it wasnt intended for anyone. It was dark humor at best. Wow! Let me just say that the ED thing was NOT caused by meds. I sent the wrong message out. I'm not taking any at all. I wouldnt know where to start. I only go to the doc's for physicals so i dunno who prescribes them to begin with. I dont know what else to say about my poor performance other than maybe alcohol and anxiety. For the record that girl doesnt call anymore.

Nope. You were clear. I was talking about meds that correct ED. (The insurance company will think you only need to have sex, or at least that kind, 4 times a month.) However, if you do decide to take an antidepressant, or at least an SSRI, you may have to have a sense of humor about these things. In that department, some people have no changes, some have better sex because they feel better, some become uninterested in sex, some can't get it up, and some get horny as hell but can hardly come and if they do it doesn't satisfy. Welbutrin generally doesn't do these things, but you may drive your partner off by being irritable....

When I said the losers idea was destructive, I meant it was destructive for you as well as for others. When depressed, in a certain frame of mind, everyone can look like a loser. There are 6 billion people in the world. If you put them in one big competition, that's about 6 billion losers and one winner. And even that winner will be very lonely if he doesn't quit the game. 6 billion plus 1 losers.

P.S. I'm jealous. You can still run. Biking is great but it's not the same.

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Welcome, Lonewolf.

Could you describe a few more of your symptoms (if any)? You've identified apathy, isolation, and a dislike for most other people; so you feel a lot of sadness? Anxiety? Unexplained or irrational feelings of fear? What is it that makes you feel miserable? If you can tell us these things, we can probably put our heads together here and suggest some possibilities of what may be affecting you, ideas that you can take to a medical professional and discuss.

You're actually doing some of the right things already, in reducing stress and exercising. All of these things are known to help. But the bottom line is that you likely suffer from a physical illness of one of your organs

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Thanks Cerberus,

Your explanation of lingo is making reading posts a little easier.

I kinda grew up in a tough love home and was formerly in the military so sympathy was scarce. I have to say my time in the military probably made me crazier and the years after I went thru some of the self destructive phases talked about here. Not cleaning, drinking, bad relationships, low self-esteem. I can read younger people like books now with my analyzation skills. Sadly its always harder to apply those standards to yourself.

Good habits have saved me from completely giving up. I guess I dont like the smell of my own shit. But that isnt enough. When I first posted I was feeling a little down and Im better for now. What bugs me is that when I do all the things I know that I should, I run out of excuses for not being happy.

If the house is a mess, its ok to sit and mope at home all day because I have something pending and its my fault.

Its the times when I do what i can and I feel like its in vain.

And let me say that most people are fake and obsessed by a lifestyle and superficial culture that I have little patience for. Its hard for me to pinpoint exactly what is wrong without rambling or actually feeling the pain I get sometimes. Its mostly loneliness im sure. I know some people who have told me a doob will fix it. And sometimes it does. I'll continue more when I think of more.

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You don't need an "excuse" to be depressed, any more than you need an excuse to have a cold. See if you can't do something about this. You may well be able to do a whole lot about this problem if you get the right help.

I agree that society is pretty shallow in a lot of ways, but that's always been true. We can't ignore that all the time, but we don't have to be bummed aobut it all the time either.

Depression isn't just a cause of loneliness, it's a result. Being close to people can be a lot harder if you're depressed.

When only somewhat down, I've found it very helpful to have a hobby and hang around with other obsessed hobbyists. You're not required to be quite as cheery and socially adept if you exhibit skill at the hobby, and you have an excuse to be there even if not exactly sociable.

Exercise also helps me a lot, but there are times when these two are not enough. That's where therapy and meds come in.

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