my best friend ditched me for dinner

[resonance]

My best friend invited me over to his house for dinner. It's a holiday weekend, the day I finished up something major at work, and the last weekend before classes start. I'm in a celebrating mood.

Right before I leave work to go home and get my car and drive to the grocery store, he tells me that he found out that one of a small group of people who hurt me very badly last year might be there, so we might have to go out to dinner instead.

After I get to the grocery store and am about to leave there, he calls me to tell me that not only will she be there, but her best friend will be there. This best friend bullied me repeatedly in public until I lost my temper because she didn't like how I ran a meeting. (She does this to other people in that group too.)

So I figure we're going out to dinner. Then he says that he just found out that someone else in the group is leaving town tomorrow and this is their last night there. So he's cancelling altogether.

Talking to him about this will make him feel bad and apologetic, but probably not actually help with his lack of ability to tell that something might hurt someone very badly. (It is a lack of ability problem; he's not someone who would ever try to deliberately hurt someone.) Most of the time he's a really good friend.

[Velvet Elvis]

You'd be within your right to not let him off the hook as far as guilt goes.

You'd also be within your right to buy a tub of ben and jerry's and eat it all in one sitting.

or booze.

[resonance]

Ooh, Ben and Jerry's. I wish I'd been more with it while I was back at the grocery store.

The thing with booze is that I want to have it only occasionally, but I can't easily buy it in single servings. And if I have it around the house, I will drink it.

[wifezilla]

He isn't someone who would deliberatly hurt someone????

Uhhh...reread your post. He DID hurt you...deliberately. He could have begged off for any number of reasons, but to tell you it was to ditch you for some jerks....jerks he is still friends with despite their jerkiness?

If he really didnt mean to hurt you, then he is just a moron. Guilt him in to a really expensive dinner later...on him. And yeah..Ben & Jerry's heals many wounds.

[resonance]

He is definitely a moron in that particular way. I think in particular he has difficulty recognizing all the variables that lead to a particular situation being bad for someone. sigh.

The happy ending (or maybe middle?) to the story is that some of my college friends just called me up. They're in town for my ex-bf's wedding, which is this weekend, and we're all going out to a late dinner.

[lilie]

"best friends" can't live with them can't shoot them. tell him what he did and tell him to modify his behaviors or be demoted to casual acquaintance. jeez how mean.

lilie

[resonance]

By my choice, we are no longer good friends.

He has been one of the best friends I ever had. I can connect with him intellectually in a way I can literally connect with no one else. I enjoy seeing him at work every day (we work in the same three-person office). We have many shared experiences, ones that we've shared together and ones that happened while we were growing up. He is sweet and friendly. I can share things with him I wouldn't share with anyone else because I know he won't judge me. He's one of my major sources of social support. He often can't anticipate how other people will react to things, even when he tries his very best; I've seen him have this problem repeatedly over the course of our friendship. I could have handled this problem simply by refusing to do anything that involves his roommates or friends.

[Loon-A-TiK]

that is terrible to hear taht his behavior has demoted him to a lower level in your life.

i'm proud that you stood up for yourself.