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first of all, I'm not sure if this should go in the bipolar sections (which is what it seems like to me) or the depression section (which is what I have), so feel free to move it wherever you want.

so, I have a couple issues. (well, I'm on crazyboards -- obviously I have more than a couple. ;) )

the first one is that I've been completely fine for the past three months or so. no cutting, no panic attacks (that used to be a huge problem for me and I measure 'success' by how many panic attacks I have), no pills (except my meds, which I have taken regularly and on schedule), nothing crazy. I could've almost been a normal teenager for the past few months. but then, on monday I had this horrible panic attack. my mind was screaming a thousand things at me and I didn't know what to do with any of them and I needed to call my therapist but I was too scared to move. I ended up talking to my friend for a long time. tuesday I did something stupid. wednesday was decent but I was still a little off so I wasn't completely right with the world. thursday just sucked. today I had this huge depressive episode and I was able to hide it and pretend like I was good until my best friend asked me what's wrong, and I cried for at least a couple hours after that. it was three hours before I felt anything like stable. so what's up? why the sudden shit? I'll figure that out on my own if you don't want to contribute, it's cool.

this is the thing that most concerns me. right now I'm high. not illegally, I just feel really wired. I'm talking way fast and I'm typing way fast and I can tell my sentences are blurring together and pretty soon I'll become illegible. I almost want to go jump around, but I hurt so fucking much that's not really an option. I think I have most of the symptoms of mania. I feel _great_, almost too happy. I feel like I'm in a little bubble and even though I have a ton of shit I should be doing/working on, I don't really feel the need to. I feel like I did when I had akathisia from abilify -- I just can't stop moving!

since I've started the crazy meds, I've pretty much always been on a mood stabilizer. these weird mood swings only happen every once in a while, so I'm not sure if I'm really bipolar, and I convinced myself that I didn't need APs or AAPs, which is what I was on. you can check my signature, but off the top of my head I know I've been on seroquel (which made me tired and zombie-like), depakote (it made me sleepy but not too bad, I honestly don't remember why I stopped it), lithium (stupid zombie), and abilify (sh-sh-sh-shake... akathisia.)

my pdoc and my tdoc have told me that I'm not bipolar, and to make me feel better my tdoc said that I have a mood disorder. (no, really? what do you call depression?) and left it at that. so what's going on? is it normal for depressed people to get high like this? especially we dysthemics -- we're not supposed to ever be happy ever again, are we?

I'm so confused. and by the way, I just started 10mg of elavil (they haven't made it into my signature yet), not for depression or anything, but for fibromyalgia. so, yeah. otherwise, everything else important is in my signature. someone help!

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Mood swing? Yes, it's called bipolar.

Depression is a mood disorder.

You are uncertain? Once is an episode. Twice is a pattern. It only requires one manic episode to diagnose bipolar.

Too bad you waited until Friday night to recognize this upswing. Next time this happens call your pdoc immediatlely and tell him you are manic and need to see him. The only way he will believe you is to see you in person.

In the mean time, if you feel unsafe, or can't get slowed down, go to the ER. They can help get things under control.

best,

a.m.

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Too bad you waited until Friday night to recognize this upswing. Next time this happens call your pdoc immediatlely and tell him you are manic and need to see him. The only way he will believe you is to see you in person.

I think there's a misunderstanding going on here. Friday night is now. I'm manic right now.

however, I followed your advice, and because my pdoc is virtually unreachable, I called my tdoc, who I feel more comfortable with anyway. she sort of dodged my questions about being bipolar mostly, but told me that I probably do have a mood disorder of some sort besides depression but that she doesn't think it's bipolar. she was careful to add that she's not sure right now and all I need to do is make it through the weekend. I think I can do that.

I'm just so confused though. I was crying my head off earlier and now I'm laughing but I feel like I have a panic disorder. it's a lot to take, especially since I still have homework to work on and a worldfestival to volunteer at tomorrow and I really just want to spend some good hours feeling sorry for myself.

but instead, I'm going to go ride my stationary bike downstairs.

thank you for your help, AM.

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BTW,

There are only two major groups of mood disorders: Depression and Bipolar. I'm not sure why they say you have a mood disorder, but not bipolar....

from Wikipedia:

The two major types of mood disorders are depression (or unipolar depression) and bipolar disorder.

Depression (or unipolar depression), including subtypes:

Major Depression

Major Depression (Recurrent)

Major Depression with psychotic symptoms (psychotic depression)

Dysthymia

Postpartum depression

Bipolar disorder, a mood disorder described by alternating periods of mania and depression (and in some cases rapid cycling, mixed states, and psychotic symptoms). Subtypes include:

Bipolar I

Bipolar II

Cyclothymia

Schizoaffective disorder is a vaguely-defined term (probably at the psychotic end of the bipolar spectrum) that describes patients that show symptoms of both schizophrenia and one of the mood disorders.

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BTW,

There are only two major groups of mood disorders: Depression and Bipolar. I'm not sure why they say you have a mood disorder, but not bipolar....

from Wikipedia:

The two major types of mood disorders are depression (or unipolar depression) and bipolar disorder.

Depression (or unipolar depression), including subtypes:

Major Depression

Major Depression (Recurrent)

Major Depression with psychotic symptoms (psychotic depression)

Dysthymia

Postpartum depression

Bipolar disorder, a mood disorder described by alternating periods of mania and depression (and in some cases rapid cycling, mixed states, and psychotic symptoms). Subtypes include:

Bipolar I

Bipolar II

Cyclothymia

Schizoaffective disorder is a vaguely-defined term (probably at the psychotic end of the bipolar spectrum) that describes patients that show symptoms of both schizophrenia and one of the mood disorders.

well, my pdoc knows I have mood swings, but it's very very rare that I get high like I was a few hours ago. usually I go from feeling kinda crappy to super shitty and between there, which is why there's the depression with dysthemia thing. they don't have an open appointment until december at his office, and he just doesn't do the phone thing, so I think I'm going to have my mom call in an emergency and they can fit me in somewhere, because something's weird now.

and as for the mood disorders... I think my tdoc is just trying to keep the options open? I have this bad hypochrondriac obsession with any illness that might possibly be contributed to me, so if she actually told me I was bipolar (or even just a maybe or a possibly or a "you show 8/14 of the symptoms, you could be bipolar" or whatever) I'd go way overboard with it, and she knows that -- especially if I actually am manic. once I talk to my pdoc and then go to a regular session with her we'll probably talk it over and all that stuff and try and work out what's going on -- what's going on with the mood swings and the sudden downhill plummet, all that crap.

like she said, though, for right now I just need to get to tomorrow. later when it's not 10:00pm and I'm stable and able to deal with this better, we'll figure it out.

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Hmmmmm. Ultradian cycling while on an SSRI without a mood stabilizer sounds like Bipolar to me.

If you are out of your tree right now go to the emergency department ASAP. They will probably give you an AAP (Zyprexa would be a good choice). Long term I would suggest going back to lithium or Depakote. The stupids are usually transient.

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Hmmmmm. Ultradian cycling while on an SSRI without a mood stabilizer sounds like Bipolar to me.

If you are out of your tree right now go to the emergency department ASAP. They will probably give you an AAP (Zyprexa would be a good choice). Long term I would suggest going back to lithium or Depakote. The stupids are usually transient.

I dunno if it's really ultraradian since I'm usually okay, it's just every once in a while I go down really fast and then up really fast and sometimes I'll do it a few times in the same day, but then I'll be stable for a while. so, I dunno, although that does make sense.

I'm okay now, it was just a one evening thing. now I'm just fighting with the black shadows named depression that are trying to swallow me alive again. I'd probably just take a couple ativan if I get out of control, anyway. I've got those and since I can't drive and I'd feel like shit asking my mom to go to the ER, then... yeah. I've got people to take care of me here at home so that's not a big problem.

I will never go on lithium again. I hated it so bad. coming off of it was like, like getting these 1000lb shackles taken off of me and then removing the locks from the huge metal doors blocking my access to my brain and... wow, yeah. depakote maybe. I see my pdoc monday, so we'll see.

thanks, though. I appreciate it. <3

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i had almost the same thing happen to me yesterday:

http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=13461

(its a long post, so i'll summarize it) went up to 75 mg on my zoloft, felt like CRAP for three days, way more irritable and angry than i've ever been. then yesterday, for like an hour HAPPY fast typing yay yay yay. then all my energy ebbed away, and i feel like crap again. i have no idea what it was though, but for now i'm guessing zoloft's slight action on dopamine? i really don't know, but it sounded a lot like you just described.

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Hmmmmm. Ultradian cycling while on an SSRI without a mood stabilizer sounds like Bipolar to me.

That's what I always thought, but the doctors I've seen in the past year don't agree. I saw a pdoc who disregarded the diagnosis of bipolar disorder in my file and prescribed me an SSRI and nothing else, and when I expressed misgivings, he told me it would be fine. After three weeks of ultradian cycling resulting in an arrest and hospitalization, he told me that since I did not get better while taking the SSRI, it means I have no mood disorder and that no medication will ever help me. Yesterday I saw another pdoc, and his opinion of my problems was even more off base, which I didn't think was possible. Since that story is a bit long and awful, I'll just say that he's another doctor who believes that my ultradian cycling while on an SSRI just means that I can't possibly have any sort of chemical imbalance and that medication won't help me. I still think both of these doctors are flat-out wrong.

Seriously, though, I didn't mean to be typing this post just to complain about my own life. I was just wondering, vunja, if you are currently on an SSRI without a mood stabilizer, because I couldn't tell from reading your posts, although it could be that I just wasn't reading carefully enough.

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Hmmmmm. Ultradian cycling while on an SSRI without a mood stabilizer sounds like Bipolar to me.

That's what I always thought, but the doctors I've seen in the past year don't agree. I saw a pdoc who disregarded the diagnosis of bipolar disorder in my file and prescribed me an SSRI and nothing else, and when I expressed misgivings, he told me it would be fine. After three weeks of ultradian cycling resulting in an arrest and hospitalization, he told me that since I did not get better while taking the SSRI, it means I have no mood disorder and that no medication will ever help me. Yesterday I saw another pdoc, and his opinion of my problems was even more off base, which I didn't think was possible. Since that story is a bit long and awful, I'll just say that he's another doctor who believes that my ultradian cycling while on an SSRI just means that I can't possibly have any sort of chemical imbalance and that medication won't help me. I still think both of these doctors are flat-out wrong.

Seriously, though, I didn't mean to be typing this post just to complain about my own life. I was just wondering, vunja, if you are currently on an SSRI without a mood stabilizer, because I couldn't tell from reading your posts, although it could be that I just wasn't reading carefully enough.

Where due you live, Hazard county?

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scream_pheonix:

absolutely, that's close to what happened to me. I generally crash really hard from those things, too, but I've been pretty mellow until today when it all sort of hit me. I'm not sure what drugs you're on or anything, but messing with those things usually ends badly (and it's a good chance that's what happened on friday.)

--

wonder:

your story sounds pretty crazy to me, too. I mean, I hate to use this, but it's like _everyone_ knows that people who have bad moodswings on an SSRI are bipolar... or it should at least be considered. my grandmother could possibly be bipolar and I think that's a big reason why I've always been on a mood stabilizer, until now.

and, sorry. I don't get to the point very well. I'm _not_ on a mood stabilizer of any kind right now. I'm on Prozac and Ativan, both of which help me with anxiety and depression. I'm also on Elavil, but it's so small that it's not _supposed_ to be affecting my mood, just my body.

I am supposed to be on a mood stabilizer, though. I don't remember if I've actually told my pdoc that I quit it or not... eh. my pdoc and I have a very bad relationship, considering he's the one who drugs me. blah.

--

I don't know if this is important or if I should even be posting this for fear of _people_ seeing it, but. I did overdose on trazodone last wednesday (30 august, I think), I took 300mg and I've never taken it before, so. I think that could have something to do with it, although I'm still really out of whack today and it's been more than a week. I'm not sure. I realize that SSRI syndrome is a possibility but I'm holding out on that one... I'm hoping it'll go away so that I don't have to tell anyone.

is this something I should be worried about? I'm _never_ doing it again, I know that much.

anyway, thanks for the replies. now my moods are level, they're just a lot lower than I'd like.

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vunja, I'm glad your moods are level now, but sorry that they're a lot lower than you'd like.

I live in Canada, but the two doctors I mentioned were not in the same city, or even the same province. I've recently moved. I saw the first guy in the winter, and since then, I was in a day hospital program for seven weeks. The main reason I was in the program was because that doctor flat-out refused to refer me to regular outpatient treatment anywhere, not with another psychiatrist, nor with another therapist, and said it was the day hospital or nothing. If I tried to get an appointment with someone else without going through the hospital, it would have taken a really long time. The day hospital was fine, but the psychiatrist and social workers there were FAR less pro-medication than any other mental health professionals I've seen, and since I was quite stable while I was in the program, no one thought it was necessary for me to be on meds at the time. Which would have been okay, except I wanted some sort of treatment plan to be in place for when I left the program, especially since I knew I was moving soon, and nobody really helped that happen. I asked my social worker to refer me to a psychiatrist. She said she would. She then referred me to another social worker instead, who I got to see about six weeks after leaving the program. This second social worker absolutely promised that I would get to see a psychiatrist before I left town, and said she would make a referral for me. After two months, no one ever contacted me about seeing this psychiatrist. The social worker also cancelled an appointment I was supposed to have with her two hours before the appointment time and then could not reschedule it for another three weeks, by which time I would have already left town.

I managed to land an appointment in the new city very quickly and was completely thrilled, because I thought finally I would get the medication situation straightened out. I saw a psychiatrist at the hospital, which meant that actually a medical student interviewed me while the psychiatrist and a bunch of other medical students watched through a two-way mirror. After about 45 minutes, the doctor came in and said that we might as well stop, because we could keep going the same way all day and it would be pointless. Then he told me the important question was how I acted in relationships with other people. I told him that I thought I now acted quite well in relationships, except for sometimes with my mother. I explained how my boyfriend and I tried to solve any problems we had in our relationship through calm discussions and were considerate of each others' feelings, I told him that I generally got along well with friends, family, and co-workers. I said that I still had problems in my relationship with my mother, that most of the relationship skills and assertiveness training I'd been taught assumed that the other person in the relationship was somewhat rational and would at least try to listen to what I said instead of ignoring me and yelling at me anyway, which is how my mother often operates. I said it was frustrating to me that even when I was calm and tried to consider my mother's feelings, she didn't have the same consideration for me, so occasionally I just don't bother reacting to her in a healthy manner, because it's never seemed to make a difference whether I did or not. I know I shouldn't do this, but I do.

He asked me a few more questions about my feelings about certain things, and no matter WHAT I said, he kept saying, "But what does that FEEL like? How does that make you FEEL?" And it's not as if I answered by saying "I don't know" or something like that. I would say, "frustrated," or "sad," or "angry," or "lonely," or some other feeling or combination of feelings, and I would say WHY I felt that way and how uncomfortable it was and how I wished things could be different so I wouldn't feel that way. Stuff like that. But he'd still keep asking, "How does that FEEL?" and I asked him what kinds of ways I could talk about my feelings that would be the kind of answer he was looking for, since he was not satisfied with anything I said, but he refused to. Then he told me that he believes I have borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder, and no mood disorder. I asked him what the reasoning behind these tentative diagnoses was. He said that it was mainly because I did not express any emotions and because I refused to acknowledge that I had any emotions. This BAFFLED me. Basically everyone I've ever met would say that my problem is the exact opposite. (Although I don't think I'm histrionic; I'd also like to point out that a person with histrionic personality disorder also doesn't typically express no emotions, but rather the exact opposite.) I asked him why he would say that, and he told me it was because when the med student was interviewing me, it was because I told her things such as what medications I was on, the dosages, how many times I was hospitalized, how many therapists I've seen, and the chronology of pretty much everything, rather than talking about my feelings. BUT THOSE WERE THE QUESTIONS SHE ASKED ME. SO I ANSWERED THEM. She never asked me what it felt like to be depressed or what-have-you. If she had, I would have answered her, but she asked me all this stuff about medications, so I answered those questions. If he's got a problem with her interviewing style, that's one thing, but to imply that it's pathological for me to answer the questions she fucking well asked, well, that's another thing. Also, I talked TO HIM about my feelings when he ASKED me, and it's not as if I was expressionless throughout the session. I mean, I cried and stuff -- how is that expressionless?

Aargh. I've got to run. Sorry for the threadjack, but I'm just so flabbergasted and disgusted, and I feel so hopeless. Can't wait until the traditional severe autumn depression hits.

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I managed to land an appointment in the new city very quickly and was completely thrilled, because I thought finally I would get the medication situation straightened out. I saw a psychiatrist at the hospital, which meant that actually a medical student interviewed me while the psychiatrist and a bunch of other medical students watched through a two-way mirror.................................

By the sounds of it, I would wager that you are in Quebec.

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wonder:

eww. that whole experience disgusts me, especially since you're really trying your hardest to get help and people just aren't cooperating. the doctor you speak of just sounds like a bastard, and I don't think he knows what he's talking about. a lot of major depressive people don't show any emotion either, just because there isn't any to show. I don't know, it's pointless in arguing with a doctor in canada who I've just met through your posts.

it's also really, really hard to explain how you feel. in partial (8-3:30), we had to state our feelings at the beginning of the day, and "I don't know" wasn't allowed. he also only wanted one emotion, maybe two rolled into one, but you couldn't say you felt every emotion in the world. I was mostly "content" or "indifferent", even though really I was just this little whirlwind of emotions that I still haven't sorted out. I hate it when they make you box yourself like that.

I'm a bit confused about the timeline, though. was this in the first place you lived or the second, and are you still there or have you gone on? I also don't know anything about how canada works (I'm in usa), but would it be possible for you to just try and find someone who's not an idiot on your own? like, get some yellowpages and find a random psychiatrist and go around interviewing people.

I don't really have a good answer, but good luck. that's just horrible.

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I'm a bit confused about the timeline, though. was this in the first place you lived or the second, and are you still there or have you gone on? I also don't know anything about how canada works (I'm in usa), but would it be possible for you to just try and find someone who's not an idiot on your own? like, get some yellowpages and find a random psychiatrist and go around interviewing people.

Most of what I was talking about was the psychiatrist in the second place. I notice now that in my first post in this thread I said that he thought my ultradian cycling while on an SSRI was proof that I don't have a mood disorder. That's not accurate and I shouldn't have phrased it that way at all. The other psychiatrist that I saw in the winter did say something along those lines, but this guy was just completely indifferent about what the ultradian cycling while on an antidepressant might mean with regards to diagnostic issues and didn't offer it as proof that I don't have a mood disorder. It didn't matter to him at all that it had happened, except, perhaps, as an indication that I should never take any psychiatric meds. I realize, of course, that not everyone who goes fucking nuts on an antidepressant is bipolar. But I think if you go nuts on an antidepressant, it's more likely than not that you're bipolar, and that a doctor would be really remiss if he is entirely convinced that someone with a previous diagnosis of bipolar disorder who appears to be ultradian cycling on an antidepressant is definitely not bipolar. (It also it wasn't technically an SSRI as I said before, it was Effexor XR, which is a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, so that's another thing in my post that was inaccurate.)

One thing that he did say that I didn't mention before was something about how clearly there was no point in my ever taking medication since this summer I was stable for a few months while off medication, so what could it possibly do for me? Again, I found this baffling. I know "if it ain't broke don't fix it" and all that, but I always thought you were more likely to spontaneously have a period when you were asymptomatic if you had a mood disorder than if you had three personality disorders, because bipolar disorder follows a cyclical course (even if it's not necessarily a regular or predictable one). I was quite stable all last fall and off medications then, too. Then in January I crashed so hard that I was involuntarily hospitalized for a few days because I was suicidal. I was prescribed Effexor XR when I got out and was back in the hospital in three weeks because, as I said, it made me fucking nuts. All my worst periods are when I've been off medication, including a period of psychosis that lasted for months and involved three weeks of constant auditory hallucinations, which went away fairly quickly once I was back on meds. So you can understand why I DON'T understand these people telling me medication will never help me. It's helped me plenty of times! (And if anybody wonders why I've gone off my medication several times, it's because it makes me so tired. I hate going to bed at ten but still being exhausted all the next day. Oh, and also being completely unresponsive to alarm clocks. It's really hard to function like that.) So having this doctor tell me that absolutely none of my problems are biological really confuses me. Especially when the staff of the day treatment program who saw me four days a week for seven weeks thought I definitely did not have a personality disorder, definitely did have a mood disorder, and might be schizoaffective.

Almost all of the mental health treatment available here is through the hospital, and seeing that psychiatrist last week was such a bad experience that I want to avoid dealing with the hospital whenever possible. It's not as if I'm going to forever avoid trying to set up any other mental health treatment through them. Since the doctor basically thought I was a walking mess of Cluster B personality disorders, if I ask to sign up for the DBT group there, he will definitely allow them to put me on the list. I don't think I have personality disorders, but I also don't think that means I can't benefit from DBT. So I might do that, but I'm just too upset to try to talk to anyone from the hospital right now. There's a months-long waiting list, so putting it off another week only makes a negligable difference, anyway. It also might not be possible to do the DBT thing and hold down a job, which would rule out the DBT. The shrink didn't actually give me a straight answer when I asked him when/how often DBT was and if one could work full time and still take part in it (not that I have a job in town yet, but I sure as hell expect that I will a few months from now), although it seems that some of the DBT sessions are when most people would be at work. He didn't seem to think that was important, and if I was really quite ill at the moment, obviously getting my illness under control would be priority numero uno and I could worry about jobs later. But I've just completed a master's degree, I held down a summer job and it went very well, I think the new job search is going okay, I'm not cutting or participating in other addictive behaviours, I have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend, I'm getting along well with my family from a distance, I have some good friends (although none of them live in this city, but I've been here less than a week and am already starting to meet people here), nobody strongly dislikes me, I haven't tried to kill myself in five years, and I have hobbies to keep myself entertained. I don't see myself as being immeasureably screwed-up at this point in time. I just worry what will happen since I'm unmedicated. Usually I crash somewhat around October. Last year it took longer than usual, which was inexplicable but good, but since I was unmedicated last year, I also crashed in a much bigger way than usual.

Anyway, I'm getting a family doctor in town, and I'm hoping that when I finally get to see her, she might be able to refer me to a psychiatrist in private practice or know of somewhere else I can turn and/or prescribe me medications herself in the short term. I could just look in the Yellow Pages, but it won't take as long if I get a referral from another doctor. My boyfriend has also talked about couples counselling -- although we do have a wonderful relationship, couples counselling is something that is offered outside the hospital, so it's one of the few other options that I have, and obviously my illness is something that concerns him, too, and he wouldn't mind the opportunity to talk to someone about it. Especially now that he's read criteria for NPD and HPD and is just as confused as I am, saying that none of it sounds like me and he can understand why I am upset and confused. I'm at the point where I feel like I should be dragging in character witnesses the next time I see a shrink... but if I did that, I bet I'd get diagnosed with dependent personality disorder, too.

I don't know if you've actually read this far, vunja, and I don't blame you if you haven't, but in case you have, how are YOU doing?

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wow, that just sounds like amazingly shitty bad luck. :) I understand about the ultraradian cycling thing, and while it's maybe not always bipolar, in someone who has that while on an SSRI (or an SNRI) bipolar should definitely be checked out. and I think DBT sounds like a good plan right now. it can't hurt, anyway, unless it puts your job at risk and then I'd agree that the job is more important.

you do _sound_ like you're doing good right now, but we mentally ill have a tendency to gloss over any bad parts and focus on the good parts. I do, anyway. so, just keep in mind that even if you are in a good relationship and staying away from addictions, if you feel like crap then something needs to be done. I'm understanding that you're doing pretty well now, though, so that's good. sounds to me like going to a gdoc is a good place to start.

just, good luck with all that. you have dealt and are dealing with a lot, so, take care of yourself. <3

I don't know if you've actually read this far, vunja, and I don't blame you if you haven't, but in case you have, how are YOU doing?

heh, yeah. I read it all. I know it can help to even just have someone listen (or read) while you get it out, whatever _it_ is, even if they just nod their heads as you trail off into wonderland. ;) so, yeah. I try to return the favor when I can.

um, me. I actually just got home from my appointment with my pdoc. he put me on Symbyax, which is a combination of 25mg Prozac and 6mg Zyprexa, and he told me that if I need to, I can take more Ativan than what I'm already taking. so, hopefully the slight raise in Prozac will help my mood and the Zyprexa should keep it even and I'm trying to be optimistic. I've actually felt pretty decently today, which is good. no more crazy moodswings, thank god.

so, overall, pretty decent. I'm just trying my hardest to be optimistic.

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i've never taken prozac or that drug combo. zyprexa works wonders, but don't be surprised if you don't eat your way through the whole grocery store and then the hardware store next door. yum yum!

there is a great website, www.moodtracker.com, that allows you to track your mood states as well as journal in there, and there is an option to let your treatment professionals have internet access to your page there, so they can check on you if they want. i had to use moodtracker to prove to one of my pdocs that i was really out of a depression, going into a mania, and that we needed to back off of my ADs FAST.

doctors are big on charts, graphs, numbers, that kind of thing. i think seeing it quantified and graphed, and looking all pretty will help your professionals to see what you're going through.

actually, my doctors asked me to keep a mood journal the last time i saw them and i haven't started. maybe this is a good time to go to moodtracker!

loon

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I've been using Moodtracker since June. I heard about it on this site. I printed out my mood charts from the past three months and brought them with me to that awful appointment I had with the psychiatrist a couple weeks ago. I told the doctor and medical student that I'd been tracking my moods every day and offered to show them the charts. They wouldn't look at them.

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yeah, I just couldn't stand the Zyprexa and it hasn't done anything for me. if anything I'm worse than I was when I started it (about a week ago) and I gained ten pounds in that amount of time, and being semi-anorexic and finding your weight to be the same as it was five years ago? not good. I went straight from the scale to the scissors and it hasn't let up since then. plus, crappy intention tremors, which is the reason I stopped taking my last mood stabilizer. so, no more Zyprexa. if I need something, I'll deal with that later. for now I'm just going up to 30mg prozac and maybe that will help.

there is a great website, www.moodtracker.com, that allows you to track your mood states as well as journal in there, and there is an option to let your treatment professionals have internet access to your page there, so they can check on you if they want. i had to use moodtracker to prove to one of my pdocs that i was really out of a depression, going into a mania, and that we needed to back off of my ADs FAST.

the site is awesome. I did make an account there a few days ago and I'm going to try to use it. maybe not even for my doctors (I agree with Wonder here; I'm a bit dubious as to how seriously they'd take something like that...) but just so that I can see where things start and end. I very much like the charts and stuff they have on there, too, that's very useful.

so, yeah. that's for the site and for the help and stuff. I think I've pretty much just come to the conclusion that I have moodswings when I'm under crazy stress, and I don't think anything needs to be done for it except to keep me out of stress, which is important anyway to keep my arms intact. so, eh. I'm blatantly ignoring everyone's advice and wait for something worse to happen before I do what I actually need to.

I see my tdoc in a couple hours, though. she'll be able to talk me into sense if anyone can. (plus, she really, really didn't like the idea of me being on the Zyprexa, and she knows me a lot better than my pdoc who actually prescribed it, so that makes me more confident in my position.) but thanks for the help, everyone.

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