Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Black Out?


Recommended Posts

Have any of you ever blacked out and hurt yourself, without putting two and two together until you've surveyed the aftermath?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have hurt myself right before having a seizure and not remembered it, and I have hurt myself while drinking and not remembered it....the seizure thiing was the most confusing because it took me a while to realise I had done it myself and not during the seizure, as I had the seizure on the living room carpet floor.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here's what happened, from what I can gather...

I was walking around in the woods the other day. And, like an idiot, I was wearing shorts. Besides the obvious threat of ticks attaching their nasty little selves to me, I ended up going through several stands of trees that I know scraped me up a bit.

I didn't think much of it. The next day, I noticed I had quite a few nice marks around my ankles where my socks stopped.

I'm usually pretty much half asleep when I get into the shower in the morning before work, so I'm basically oblivious to the outside world. But a few days after the woods incident, I woke up a bit in the shower, looked down, and realized I had some pretty extreme bruising going on.

Once again, not a big deal. After all, I'm the first to admit that I'm quite the klutz. I may be a goalie, but the only means I'm coordinated on the ice - not off of it. But while surveying the damage, I found a really deep gash wound on the outside of my upper thigh. It was bad enough to require a bandaid, and although it sure looked like it should hurt I obviously hadn't noticed it for days...there was some definite dried blood.

I washed it out, got myself some ointment, and stuck a few bandaids on. And that, is when I noticed the same size gash, in the same location, but on the opposite leg.

I've thought it over several times in my head, and there's just no way that those are from tree branches. Not only would I have definitely felt that, but I was wear thick shorts that would have covered where the cuts were.

I thought about my pocketknife, too. I usually carry a decent-sized blade with me. I do live in the wilderness you know, and Murphy's Law dictates that I won't have a use for a pocketknife unless I don't carry it with me. One of my knives has a pretty sketchy locking mechanism for the blade, and I thought perhaps the blade had extracted itself in my pocket. But the cuts were way too uniform and deep for that, and while I may have completely ignored my knife opening inside my pocket the first time around...well...do you really think I would ignore it on two separate occasions?

Now I'm questioning some of this bruising, and a few other random and mysterious injuries I've encountered on my person lately. The scary part, is that I have no recollection of it, and that I almost seem to be subconsiously covering for myself by simply assuming that there are other plausible explainations for it.

I'm also a little scared to be left on my own now. These injuries are not immediately noticeable, and I have no real recollection of them occuring. I'm worried that I'm indeed blacking out, so to speak, and then committing acts of harm upon myself.

I've asked a few friends, albeit descretely, if they've noticed me spacing out when I'm around them, or forgetting conversations and events. Everyone's reply seems to be that they haven't seen anything in particular that they can put their finger on, but that they forget too from time to time. So now I have quite a curious situation on my hands, that I may or may not have any control over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have you thought about contacting your doctor or pdoc about this? I think you should, if you havent already, I dont have any idea what it could be, but something like this sounds serious enough to warrant medical advice...and I wouldnt hesitate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

sounds like dissociation to me.

a study i read recently of adolescent inpatients, (ok, so it's a pretty narrow, unwell group), reported that HALF! yes HALF! of them said they had found injuries on themselves and not known how they got there.

pretty scary really.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the information...

I really did want to mention something to my pdoc, and at the same time, I really don't. I mean, how do you even say something like that?

"So, by the way, the other day I found some gashes on my legs I don't remember making. And I think some of these bruises are from me, too. I must not be aware of my actions, but I'm still not a danger to myself or others."

Fuck that...

I've heard my pdoc use the term disassociation before, but I guess not in such an extreme context. Sometimes, when I'm really stressed out or anxious, I put myself on auto pilot. I'll basically go through the motions, especially at work, and get the impression from doing this that I'm inside looking out, watching my body react but not really controlling it. My pdoc called it disassociation, and said I used it as some form of a coping technique. But when it happens, I'm still aware of what's going on.

I have been busted sleep-walking before, but not in quite some time. I don't think I'd be capable of doing these kinds of things in my sleep. When I would sleep walk, I'd inevitably bump into something and immediately awaken. These bruises are bad...no way in hell I could have been running around slamming into things for the last few weeks and not noticed.

I'm going to give it another week or so, and see if I notice anything else. I guess no news is good news in this case...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the information...

I really did want to mention something to my pdoc, and at the same time, I really don't. I mean, how do you even say something like that?

"So, by the way, the other day I found some gashes on my legs I don't remember making. And I think some of these bruises are from me, too. I must not be aware of my actions, but I'm still not a danger to myself or others."

Fuck that...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Dude, I would contact your pdoc...and I mean asap...pdocs are educated in dissassociation. Its not like he's going to look at you and immediately start judging...you obviously need some help...and that is his job...TO HELP YOU.

If you give it another week, or keep putting it off, you dont know what could happen. I never dissassociated with self harm...but I DID use to put off seeing my doctors about various other problems I was having, essp. regaurding seizures and mood disorders...giving it a week or so...just to see what would happen. That wasnt smart of me, as I ended up in the ER on many occasions with uncontrollable seizures....

Im not saying that waitng will result in the worst case senerio...just saying its better to be safe than sorry.And if your finding gashes and bruises on your legs and you cant figure out how they got there, and you know that there is a chance you might be dissassociating, you might be a danger to yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Waste,

Print this out and hand it to him.  You don't have to say anything.  I used to cut myself during dissociation and it was the same kind of thing you describe.  It felt like sitting off in the distance watching " my other self" take care of things.  That's when I started cutting.  To make sure I was in there somewhere.  The worst thing that happened to me is that I was driving and looked over and saw that I was also in the passenger seat.  It only lasted a few seconds, but it didn't even freak me out.  It was just like " oh, look at that."  I even started referring to myself as "we".

The idea that you may be cutting in your sleep tells me that you are in some incredible pain and that you need to get help for it NOW!!  If you don't want to be alone don't!  Isn't there anyone that you trust that can stay with you? I know this freaks most people out.  I know they don't understand. They don't know what to say, so they make things worse with their silence.  Please show this to your pdoc and if you have one your tdoc and get some help before something goes REALLY wrong.

YOU are not a waste and if anything happened to you, I would miss you alot. I have a new tattoo idea, but I'm not telling ya till you feel better.

Love,

Deb

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 8 years later...

Guys I have a similar problem. 
 
Every time it happens it becomes more severe, The last time it happened (Wednesday 6th/11) I woke up surrounded by paramedics. 
 
I was simply watching tv when the next thing I know, I'm on my bathroom floor, then what seems like a second later I was sat on my sofa with my housemate while he was cleaning my cuts, and paramedics were there. I remember nothing in between. My flatmate said I called him and asked him for help, but I don't remember doing this. 
It has now got so bad that I refuse to sleep unless there is someone else in the house, and in the morning I'm going checking myself into a Psychiatric Hospital. These black outs are making my life a living hell, they happen so randomly and there is absolutely no onset. I feel there is nothing left to do except go to hospital. 
Does anyone have any suggestions? The last thing I want is to go to hospital. I'm 17, in the middle of my college course. Please help?
Thanks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You guys defo need to speak to your pdoc about it asap, they're the ones who can give you the best advice.

 

My meds seem to be helping now luckily,, I dissociate with anger and I've "woken" up with cuts many times. Last one I was in hospital after an OD, apparently I repeatedly tried to strangle myself, I cut etc. Scary stuff. Not to mention the poor nurses/docs/police/security etc there who I kicked, punched and screamed at...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ive only "watched" myself and felt no control/ had somewhat altered zombie like state of mind and the next day noticed injuries were more severe than I realized. Never had injuries with no recollection unless I accidentally hurt myself during sleep or something. I think what you are describing is definitely serious and warrants telling a doctor it as someone mentioned printing this post out. I knoe it csn be difficult physically telling someone but a professional needs to know so they csn help you. Good luck, stay safe, and keep sharp objects out of the house.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dissociating with self harm is a really dangerous situation. It's easy to end up accidentally dead.

 

The best advice/suggestion I can give you is to make sure your care team knows this is happening and work with them to get strategies.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 years later...

My step daughter has done that every night for the past 3 months ... she Dissociative Identity Disorder brought on by Complex PTSD due to childhood trauma of living with a covert narcissist mother... she blacks out and wakes up cut up ... she heard voices for about a year before she mentioned it to me but then she wrecked her car but has no idea how it happened ... we found out later the "Lisa" the 6 year old alter was driving ... she has to date 7 alter personalities inside of her and one of them wants her to suffer so she cuts her when she is out ... she sees a therapist 4 times per week and a psychiatrist every two weeks . It's a struggle because she can't work or drive or be left alone ... EVER... she is 21 and she moved in with me so I could help her get through this... it's important that you see a pdoc because early on it can be treated but if you don't fix it soon then it's very hard to reverse because body will become very comfy in its ability to " go away" and let the other you take over and the other you obviously can't handle the pressure... please see someone ... it will def help ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, Avenger said:

My step daughter has done that every night for the past 3 months ... she Dissociative Identity Disorder brought on by Complex PTSD due to childhood trauma of living with a covert narcissist mother... she blacks out and wakes up cut up ... she heard voices for about a year before she mentioned it to me but then she wrecked her car but has no idea how it happened ... we found out later the "Lisa" the 6 year old alter was driving ... she has to date 7 alter personalities inside of her and one of them wants her to suffer so she cuts her when she is out ...

Wow. How upsetting. Is she doing ok now? I'm curious what types of medication help her condition? I can't imagine how someone would "heal" from having 7 different "alters" or hidden identities....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I (almost) never come to this board, but I wanted to mention there are many techniques to help you "ground" and stay present. I tend to touch things, make sure I know who/where I am, look around the room at colors. I don't self-harm but I dissociate quite frequently. It is mostly the autopilot WaSte mentioned (sorry to interrupt) .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Avenger,

If you would like to talk with other members about how your daughter's experience affects your own mental health, I encourage you to do that in the Family Feud section of the board. We are a first person site, which means we only speak from our own experiences and not about other people because a) it gets complicated very quickly, and b) it's disrespectful to talk about someone who isn't here.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...