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middle of the night


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Actually, I should be pretty good...I've gotten almost 2.5 hours of sleep! But I woke up hyper-stressed and flashing. I'm dredging up stuff in therapy right now that I'd rather not; I feel like I'll probably die of saying those things. To top it off, I'm in a usual depression, exacerbated by pregnancy hormones, and I'm left feeling really, really lost and the tiredness isn't helping.

Is there anything to do in the middle of the night to just DESTRESS and go to bed? Stop thinking about everything that's wrong, how it's all my fault, and to make the damn nightmares go away? I've developed this oh-so-wonderful habit of dragging in a couple of different incidents, throwing in some regular (but really bad) nightmare stuff just for spice. I feel like my brain is breaking and I'm sure it's not good for the baby; those cortisol levels probably aren't going to make her into a very happy kid. Though she'll be a good candidate for a Bond movie or the CIA...

I just don't know what to do. It doesn't help that I've literally never verbalized (or written-alized) any of the stuff that happened surrounding this, so I feel like I'm starting from scratch and I'm not sure that things will EVER get better. In the meantime, I just want to sleep *pouts tiredly*

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