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1st time in 15 years

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Today I injured myself for the first time in 15 years.

I thought about it alot over the past few months, but just couldnt do it.

But I did today.

I have a daughter, so I cant do anything rash (like cut- which I want to do) or she'll see it and wonder why Mommy's wearing band aids.

So- I took a pin while at work and scratched myself til I bled. Multiple times.

Enough to hurt and enough to feel better.

then I went to a meeting and got humiliated because I didnt remember a conversation.

So, now, when I look at my arm, I think, Fuck yeah.

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15 years is awesome it truely is, please try not to see it as failure for those 15 years are amazing.  You are only human and humans make errors of judgement which apear logical at the time...

please recognise what happened so that if similar events happen in the future you can learn from them

thinking of you



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thanks so much, guys.

that is all really helpful.

my meds are changing again, which will hopefully help. just noodling what i already take and adding a beta blocker.

i just dont want my husband to see. i feel guilty about that.

called my shrink and he talked me through it. He said these are dark days and i will get through it one day at a time.

he's so great.

wish me luck getting through today.

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