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Waiting for a ride to the hoo-hoo house


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I'm sick of the hallucinations, the dissociation, the inner chaos of voices, the feeling like I'm going to pop apart at the seams...I want to go and force the issue and get on SOME kind of program that works...therapy is so not doing it for me. I spend 10 + hours a day all alone on this stupid farm in the middle of nowhere Idaho. I can't see to drive, so I have to wait until my poor overworked sweetie can take me the several hours to the hospital.

I'm sick of the routine...go to ER, wait six hours while they get thier thumbs out of thier arses and figure out that I need to be inpatient...At least I'm not drinking or suicidal. But I don't know if he'll be off work and up to the whole ordeal tonight...it could be several days, depending on the damned demands of his job.

I'm bored

I'm bored of being anxious and afraid of opening this whole new chapter of hell in my life, but I clearly can't just let it go on. I'm on the edge of panic and a really bad mood from trying to stay out of the dissocciative state that I disappear into for hours and days...I hate waiting, I hate being bored, I hate being afraid that I'll be laughed at or not believed.

All stressed up and no where to go ;)

Oh yeah, and I'm three weeks late for my period and PMS'ing like mad

So much fun

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