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Obsessive/compulsive husband


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So, my husband has been diagnoised with this disorder and instead of being normal with obessing over washing his hands, he has to be obsessed with me.

Now, I've always suspected that he was, but I didn't realize that it was a true problem.  Until I've told him I wanted a divorce...

of course we are in therapy, and he is thankfully on meds and going to see a psyc in July...but, BUT!!!

How can I help him to see that it's NOT all about me???  Really, I'm flattered and all, but I'm ready to get on with MY own life and deal with MY own problems...

ahhhhhh,

I'm just tired.

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Speaking  from the other side, I have this problem with my boyfriend (as in, I'm the one with OCD), and it's no fun on this side, either.  I get sick to my stomach whenever I'm separated from him, and it's not pleasant.

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Thanks for answering my post...

I KNOW it's hard on him.  I've seen his panic attacks over me.  Hopefully, the therapy can work for him to where he can deal with it. 

I feel so unable to deal with it anymore.  Like he's smothering me...smothering me, smothering me.

How do you handle it, being the obsessor? 

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After I read this thread

I needed to go hide for awhile

Of course this subject is gonna come up

Oh,man,I don't want to talk about it

But,I will

just not today.

Thanks

Stasis

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So, my husband has been diagnoised with this disorder and instead of being normal with obessing over washing his hands, he has to be obsessed with me.

Now, I've always suspected that he was, but I didn't realize that it was a true problem.

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  • 5 months later...

Peppermint,

I understand where you are coming from. There is a form of OCD called relationship OCD or ROCD and it is what my partner suffers from. It can be really difficult to deal with from our end, especially if you have our own flavor of mental "illness" to deal with. This is somthing I will talk about with you later (I have to go to the doc right now).

Chipmaster, I have to say that labeling everything as "psychosis" is a pretty heavy label. While I do believe that OCD left untreated can lead to Psychosis, it has more characteristics than simply an out of hand obsession. I think you should be more careful when telling someone that, especially OCD individuals who will take it to heart and then obsess over that idea. Just a suggestion.

Peace,

D7

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Hi Delerium, thats a fair point.  I was just trying to highlight that there is a big difference between the clinical term obsession and the commonly used lay term obsession.

We always talk about the obsessed husband or the obsessed sportsfan or whatever, when the truth about most of these individuals from a clinical perspective is that they are not obsessed at all - more likely psychotic or sociopathic. Clinical obsessions typically involve unwanted, intrusive thoughts that lead the sufferer to pain or anxiety. This obviously can affect relationships big time, but there is a clear difference between typical OCD behaviours and jealous/protective husband traits. 

And whilst psychosis might carry a stigma and be a feared term to many, in clinical terms it really just refers to abnormal thought, at the highest level. Nothing to be afraid of.  Most of us at some point in our lives experience psychosis to some degree, even if only briefly.

I also think that your criticism is a little unwarranted given that I am a senior moderator of this site, and you are making your fourth post here.  You obviously have no idea that I have already assisted hundreds if not thousands of posters over the past 18 months.  I would prefer it if you would contact me directly via PM if you have constructive criticism or issues with my advice.

Peppermint, as for your situation, there is no cut and dry way of dealing with a spouse who is troubled.  I will use that general term as you havent provided us with a lot of info.  Going to see a clinical psychologist or counsellor together, or even on your own might be a good idea as it gives you somewhere to vent and professionals can teach you coping techniques specific to your situation.

Good luck with it all.

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Chipmaster,

I think you make some excellent points and clarification. I didn't realize that there were rules to what sort of public constructive criticism I was allowed to give being that you are a "senior moderator" and I am just a "4 post member". I have read many of your posts and have visited this site for quite some time even if I don't post often, but was unaware of these rules to post my opinions and observations. Does the PM-img apply to only moderators when I have an opinion different from theirs? While I think it is admirable that you have assisted so many people, I do believe that my words and experiences are just as valid. My opinion was not meant to be threatening to your standpoint as "senior moderator", but rather an added point of view which you have turned into an issue of knowledge heirarchy.  I don't agree with the idea that I should have to run my opinions by you to make sure they do not upset you, especially when they were posted with respect and no ill-will. If this is how things are run here at crazyboards, then perhaps this isn't the place for me. I need to feel as though my voice counts no matter how many posts I have racked up.

Peppermint,

Whatever the details of your issues with your husband are, only you know. But speaking from my own experience with my partner who has OCD, it can be tough at times. My partner repeatedly asks me the same questions over and over again, even though I have answered every single one of them a million times. Lately I have told them that I will not participate because they know the answer already. I try not to be frustrated or irritated by them and their constant questioning of me and my actions. But it can be hard and I may snap at them. But what I try to remember is that they don't like what they are doing or saying anymore than I do. They don't like living through the panic attacks when I am not around. They don't like the paralyzing dreams of me with someone else ( which are completely unfounded). I remind myself that there are many trust issues that are wrapped up in this illness and to best aid them is to set up links of trust and boundaries so that you are not losing yourself in their struggles.

Perhaps the two of you can see a therapist together to work out any underlining issues or get him some meds. I completely understand feeling overwhelmed and over it. This is an illness (if your husband even has it) that takes a lot of patience to deal with, and not everyone can do it, or is in the place to handle the amount of patience that is required to deal with someone who has ROCD. Ultimately you are the only one who knows how much you can handle. Whatever decision you make know that you are supported.

Best,

D7

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Delirium,

Personal opinions aside, yes your opinion counts.  Just keep unwarranted personal criticisms private as it hijacked the thread. I have issued you with a warning on this occasion.  I will not warn you a second time.

If you have issues with a moderators advice, I suggest you PM them directly and post in the public area without making an unecessary reference.

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