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For the first time-feeling seriously apart from God


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and no not an old man sitting on a cloud throwing lightning bolts. I mean the God that I felt was a blessed, peaceful energy source comprised of all things universe wide and capable of all things. I see the world and people around me and just...cannot...stand...it. I can't stand the people I can't stand anything. I tried for a few days to read the nice "good news" paper and you know what I thought? Whoop de doo. Where is the LARGE SCALE action? The state to state and country to country love and peace? and why isn't it happening? I remember protesting regularly in San Francisco and feeling part of something. Now I feel everything is useless. Yeah in the last week or two I've definitely lost my mellow but I've always felt somewhere in the back of my mind that God/Goddess was there and the potential for harmony and peace still existed. i feel no hope. and no I don't think it's med related.

I'd seriously been looking at towns with populations under 5,000 people to relocate to just to feel a sense of community. I could get involved and DO things. Now I worry that some psychos modeling themselves after whatever new henious gang or political hate group will come and burn my house to the ground in my sleep.

where is goddess?

lilie

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and no not an old man sitting on a cloud throwing lightning bolts. I mean the God that I felt was a blessed, peaceful energy source comprised of all things universe wide and capable of all things. I see the world and people around me and just...cannot...stand...it. I can't stand the people I can't stand anything. I tried for a few days to read the nice "good news" paper and you know what I thought? Whoop de doo. Where is the LARGE SCALE action? The state to state and country to country love and peace? and why isn't it happening? I remember protesting regularly in San Francisco and feeling part of something. Now I feel everything is useless. Yeah in the last week or two I've definitely lost my mellow but I've always felt somewhere in the back of my mind that God/Goddess was there and the potential for harmony and peace still existed. i feel no hope. and no I don't think it's med related.

I'd seriously been looking at towns with populations under 5,000 people to relocate to just to feel a sense of community. I could get involved and DO things. Now I worry that some psychos modeling themselves after whatever new henious gang or political hate group will come and burn my house to the ground in my sleep.

where is goddess?

lilie

Sounds more MI related than med related. I used to get feelings of 'I can't stand it' or 'I can't cope'

Later I found these to be symptoms of the MI. The 'can't stand it' turned out to be what I call a 'core headache', a headache right in the middle of my brain. It is insidious in that the brain can't recognise it and it wasn't until I discovered that a pain killer could releave this symptom that I realised it was just a headache. The 'I can't cope and/or it's all hopeless' is more of an Anxiety/depression thing. If you acknowledge that your negative feelings are symptoms and not 'truth' it could reduce their impact.

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I've given some thought to this for a bit before posting, because I feel absolutely the same way, for very concrete reasons (yours may be based on very concrete events, too, I just don't know the details). Before the last year, I always had a kind of core peace that all would ultimately be well because God was present. I can no longer feel this. I still pray, but my prayers now begin, "I don't know if you can even hear this, but...".

There are a number of world belief systems that hold that we are currently in a Dark period; for some, it is an "end time." Most who hold such beliefs also posit that this will be followed by a time of renewal and enlightenment. And even many who don't hold that there are grand overarching cycles of existence accept that there are cycles on a micro-scale

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where is goddess?

lilie

Geez, I feel for you, got goosebumps. while my husband was dx'ed with cancer and dying, i was super spiritual woman, my belief's are of a pagany nature as well, too much to get into here, suffice to say NATURE based.

I had anticipated all kinds of things up and to his death; but not a loss of faith. On the 12th day after he died, Oct. 28th five years ago, I died. I experienced a soul death and was sure my body was going to follow. I was dead for few months I guess. Figuratively, because while I felt dead, I was scared shitless at this "loss of faith". Where did THIS come from. My case was exceptional with my husband in that he was terminal when we met, and I chose to walk the road with that knowledge aforehand. So, I thought somehow the two, knowing he would die, and losing my faith were hand and glove, but they weren't and that's a long story.

I stayed away from people, other than my 2 kids and I could barely stand to have them near me. It was horrible. That was a brief part of it because meanwhile I'm praying my ass off to what I did not know but I didn't stop praying.

Bottom line: I hit the dirt, literally. I laid in the ground and cried and waited. Not like some biblical thing, I mean I got up and went on about my business that first day, but after that I just asked goddess to please heal me and it's been that way pretty much since for 5 years. I actually felt reconnected again sometime in that first year. I know there were flitters and flutters, like quickening if you've ever had a child, but for the last 4 years or so it's solid again.

I know that when I was in the void, that to me felt like hell. Dunno.

FWIW. S9

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I don't have any flutters yet but I am still sitting in the pit. At least I'm writing on the walls though instead of staring blindly into nothingness.

Thanks you guys

lilie

It helped me A LOT to stay outside when I felt suffocated by the darkness (as I experienced it). And it's not that I'm really a nature girl. Although I have my war stories of living in mountains, no plumbing, etc., etc., unrelated to this discussion, but I think, in a lot of ways a jumping off place for the spirituality I do have today.

Plastered to a mountainside tripping on acid too stoned to move for 9 hours might not be a typical, nor recommended way, to discover one's higher power, but, for me, my forays into psychedelia were fruitful in that regard. But then I was in a seeking mentality as opposed to "let's get high", I dunno, maybe I got lucky and just never had a bad trip. Maybe I'm paying now, with my seat here, by fucking with my synaptic gap. Meh. So many threadjack possibilities for and ADD'led girl...best to shut up now.

Glad you're not in the pit. Do books help?

S9

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I don't know where God has gone, and I don't know why. I just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling this way.

I might also mention that I don't necessarily agree with Hannibal that this is an MI issue. The world is far too out of kilter to hope that a few doses of crazy meds will make it all better.

I may have been off topic in what I said. I was thinking of something else. I agree with you that it is common to feel isolated from God. By default, to be in heaven is to be in constant 100% contact with God. To be born as a mortal on this earth is to be isolated from God by sin. However our feelings of 'We're lost aren't we' should be mixed with "The mist is a bit clearer today and I can see you" I have difficulty with prayer in the sense that while I'm at church and we are saying the 'Our Father' Etc. my mind wanders. But at important times God talks to me quite clearly (profound answers come into my thoughts which could not be my own) and then there is the strong feelings of presence when I am doing his work. I'm concerned for you Cerberus by the fact that you can't get in touch with the force. I wish I knew how to help. All I can say is that my prayers are for you and others in your situation.

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hey Lil, here's a very specific answer to your very blessed question. like you ask for, there shall be no more excuses...

Uniting the Earth:

The Path of Spiritual

Revolution

Bethlehem Public Library

Lower Floor Classroom

Saturday.

October 7th.

2006.

1:30 pm.

This is the first in a series of the as-of-yet unscheduled series of public talks led by a young, novice spiritual leader named Joseph Benjamin Arnoldin. He will be leading a discussion on how it is very possible, today, in this 21st Century, to begin to truly begin focusing on building politico-spiritual unity.

The aforementioned building of unity is also a deconstruction of the exclusive beliefs of the various countries and faiths of the world, because all beliefs, even the most positive and loving ones, also generally serve to also exclude and serve as a means to oppress.

The question then becomes, how does one become free from all forms of oppression, and then also seek to free others, but still remain loving, peaceful? After all, How am I to be expected to believe in love and sacrifice when there is so much pain, so much struggling, so much killing?!?!

The answer begins with knowledge, for theoretically, if one sees the aforementioned politico-spiritual matrix for what it is, one then becomes free from it in a subject-object status, and in carrying on in this knowledge through actions that are essentially a rebellion against it, one is taking part in the establishment of world peace, also known by the few and the proud as NIRVANA. + joe is sponsored by The University of Nirvana

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