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when u get a wrong dx


Iona_Viona

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my family has an ongoing dispute with my aunty on my mums side.

she is mentally ill but lives mainly in denial. What makes it worse is she is a nasty piece of work and is very abusive and violent.

i have normally been sheltered from this behaviour as my family had no contact with her after she was abusive more then 2 yrs ago,

but now she is back in the picture.

My aunt always uses her mental illness as an excuse for her behaviour she loves to tell my mum that "nobody cares for her and understands her."

My mum made the mistake today of instead of telling her she is trying to understand, my mum told her that she understands a lot about mental illness because i suffer from dx bipolar and borderline personality disorder. and i have suffered extereme mood swings, serve depression as well as many other symptoms.

i am so hurt, not only by my aunts response cause i knew if she ever did find out she would think that this is the universes punishment of me and my mum, dad brother etc. but i am also hurt my mum told her. i feel kinda betrayed. i hate my aunty because she said she wishes i was dead. all because i did not contact her for two years. She can be angry at that but without even knowing my reasons why she just yelled abuse at me, told me my grandparents would be disgusted in me (that really hurt) and that she wished i was dead. this was totally unprovked abuse. the same kinda abuse i and my family have suffered with 4 ages.

now the bitch has the nerve to say that my dx are wrong because she has done a lot of reading on it and "extreme mood swings" and depressions are not a symptoms of bi-polar or borderline. What books is she reading!!!!!??? These are like 2 of the most common symptoms and i could list all the other symptoms i have but wont poor u with textbook stuff! but lets just say my wrist look like i have an on going battle with razor blade (oh hang on, i do)

Anyway in my true horrible way i want to say i hope all nasty explicit things happen to her. but i will be nice and say i hope one day she really does understand her illness, and learns the real facts about bipolar and boardlines, and stops dx others.

And i hope that i learn how to not take it so personally to not make it feel like "everyone" is out to get me.

i feel abandoned by my mum like she has left me and choosen my aunt. but i know i am being irrational all my mum did was tell her i am sick. i just hate this.

please any advice on how to stop beating myself up about this. it is hard enough for me to accept i have an illness i have to work at curing and live with every day let alone have some other nutcase telling me all my docs past and present dx me wrong!

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unfortunately, you might just have to zone others out. there is no magical spell that will either get rid of them completely or just leave them incapable of speech. find ways that you dont have to deal with or listen to any of them. it is hard and it sucks, but you cant change other people who are so set in their ways... that alone might kill you.

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Oh Iona, that's awful. You have every right to feel upset and hurt at the way your aunt is behaving. I think the fact that you understand that everyone is NOT out to get you is a Very Good Thing.

Some people in our lives are toxic, plain and simple. We can't always get away from them completely, but we can refuse to get pulled into their sick fantasy worlds or spend any more time with them than absolutely necessary until they can manage not to be abusive. You don't deserve abusive treatment, you need to take care of yourself. Being related to someone doesn't give them free license to be cruel to you. I would steer clear of her. And if you can't, then refuse to be provoked. If she says something nasty, don't answer- change the subject or walk away.

There is nothing for you to beat yourself up over. Your aunt is not a licensed physician. She has not spent the time with you that your health care providers have. She does not know all the details. Leave your dxes to the people who are qualified to give them to you and leave your aunt to enjoy her armchair psychiatry ;) Keep reminding yourself that she has nothing better to do with her time since she has been alienating herself from her family.

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what makes me laugh about this situation is that she is supposed to be my "god mother", now what would god have to say about her judging and belittling behaviour!

all i can hope is that he does exsist and one day he talks to her about this! hahaha :-)

maybe... you never know.

i don't put much in titles, though. i consider my real "family" might consist of people i have no real relation to, ya know? just bc she is suppossed to be something, doesnt mean she will.... not alll people do the things they should. maybe she will get hers one day, iona

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Hiya-

i'd say that you were totally justified in not contacting her for 2 years, and it is justifiable to not contact her ever again if you don't want to. the nighmarish things she's said really make you wonder what kind of person she is. i can understand if she gets help and turns over a new leaf, but you have to worry about you and your own sanity, and not her and her BS.

just tune her out. don't feel guilty at all in doing that. just let her alone and let her be. ignore her. she is not your god and not your pdoc, she's just another family member who isn't acting at all like family, but rather like some idiot off the street who has never even heard of the disorders we're talking about.

you have been treated by your doctors and they know you, and are experts and can DX you. she is just some bit*h relative who thinks she understands a few things and thinks that she can DX you based on somethign that was probably published by either a right-wing extreamist group or is from the dark ages.

you deserve better. if that means no contact, don't feel guilty about that. weigh it for yourself and decide if it is worth the fight and feeling like crap, and the abuse. you've suffered enough and don't deserve to suffer at all.

loon

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iona

i'm sorry your family re-established contact with your aunt. from everything you've written about her on the board she sounds like a purely toxic person who is selfish and in denial.

there are some people that, no matter what we do, no matter how healthy an ok with ourselves we become, are people we just can't have around. they're walking triggers.

have you talked to your mom about how you feel? you had mentioned that your mom had cut off contact with her as well. it is hard to disconect from toxic family members, and i imagine your mom was just trying to reach out, hoping your aunt could break through her selfish gaze and that you all could have a real realationship. i'm projecting here, of course, from times when i've cut off family members and all of the mistakes i made along the way hoping they'd changed.

i guess my only advice is to try to recognize that none of what your aunt is doing is about you. it's about her own issues. yes, she's fucking with your life. but she's not thinking past her own nose and her own problems. she's the center of her own universe. it's not your fault. you can't fix her. all you can do is try to let go of wanting her to be something she'll never be and remember that her invalidation of your problems isn't because she has issue with you, but because she has issues with herself.

take care of yourself.

try to be strong. it really fucking sucks to have toxic people in your family. but you are being really mindful of her actions and how all of this is affecting you, and that is really great.

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what Penny said.. toxic relatives suck. I had been diagnosed as unipolar for years then out of all the docs only ONE doc asked why I spent ten large to take my friends to celebrate my 30th in vegas. He suggested that I might be bipolar. (manic spending)It would take another five years before that became an "absolute". All the while my family (nuts the lot of them) would say what THEY thought about the situation. That it was just "the blues" that I didn't need meds or a doc and that they were "fine" and I would be too.

Ignore the pinheads they suck...

lilie

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