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Is tomorrow going to be a trigger for me--


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I have a son who lived in NYC during 9/11. I won't go into great detail--but physically he came out unscathed. Emotionally and psychologically, he will never be the same, nor will I.

I am beginning today to deal with tomorrow--its an important day for me to celebrate my family and friends, I think, which will help me stay away from thoughts and behaviors that will only make things worse.

Anyone else out there having this fear--of the day triggering feelings, behaviors, thoughts, that we thought we had learned to live with? Of being overwhelmed, once again, by the huge sadness for those killed, and also for the millions who were affected that are sort of a silent majority?

I am also flying on Wed.--another possible trigger. I am hoping by naming these fears, I will get thru them.

But I could use some support, if anyone else is afraid--

Blessings on us all--

china

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Hi, China,

I don't have any answers, but think your plans to celebrate your family is an excellent idea. We don't take nearly enough time to, trite as it sounds, appreciate the people around us who make life a little better. 9/11 is a day when that kind of reflection make a lot of sense.

Peace and strength,

Greeny

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I saw a bumper sticker this morning, on the way home from Phys. Therapy. It simply said--

"I miss Sept. 10, 2001"

And I truly cherish my husband, children, wonderful friends here--

Yes, I am sitting unmoving on the couch with my husband while we both aternately cry and say "do you remember--" But its OK--

blessings, china

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at that time i worked the night shift at a center watching computer networks. we had CNN on the TV to observe the weather and any events that could matter to our network. suddenly, this plane crashed into the trade tower. we watched, thinking it was an error, like maybe it was an accident and the piolet was ill and couldn't fly properly. i got up to use the bathroom. when i came back, people were in hysterics, because the second plane had hit. we all knew what was going on at that point. people were making frantic calls home, frantic calls to NYC, were weeping openly and sobbing on their coworker's shoulders. it was quite a scene there at work.

my group did a hug and squeezed each other tight. normally we were shy computer nerds but this brought us togeether. our common tragedy shook us all. our company let us go for the rest of teh day. it was my time to leave anyway, but the rest of everyone got to go home. the place was deserted.

the malls were closed, everything was closed in our rural town of about 100,000 people. people who had ties to NYC were so frantic and hardly any anyone could get through. it was a nightmre for us all.

no one as even on the roads. i told my husband, who was asleep, when i got home. we hugged and cried and couldn't believe it. we called our parents, who still didn't know at that time in the morning, and told them the terrible news. i hated being the doomsayer.

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Just got a phone call from my son, who said he is taking this day to tell everyone who is important in his life that he loves them.

How interesting that he and I again share the same reaction. Except, on 9/11, he was watching "My neighbors die" as he said, and I was trying to make sense of it, and wishing I had answered his cell phone call that came after the first building was hit. I began to be afraid for him, for me, slowly as the moring progressed--like small, cold feet creeping up my spine as the enormity began to register somehow in my brain.

He was two whole miles away--of course he is safe--isn't he?

Physically yes--psychologically we never felt safe again, either of us.

china

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The day after, my future abusive advisor, for our class, made us all go around the circle and say what our reactions were. There wasn't an option not to participate. I had had some socially-inappropriate reactions and really didn't want to talk about them, but managed to come up with something acceptable.

That was a warning sign of the way she used forced disclosure to exercise control. That happened a lot later on.

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I stayed up way too late last night (and almost again tonight) reading and watching the news. I cried myself to sleep last night. That I'm in the midst of PMS and sleep deprived after a long weekend didn't help.

I knew slightly one young man who died that day. He worked (if I remember correctly) in the North tower - the second one hit. He had graduated from school the previous April and was working for an investment firm in New York. He was to eventually take over the "family" business for which I work (a large, Fortune 500 company).

I'd forgotten some of the more gut-wrenching details and statistics. Like that only 20 people were found alive after the towers collapsed. Or that 658 of the roughly 1000 Cantor-Fitzgerald employees were killed that day. It's all still as horrific and unimaginable to me today as it was five years ago.

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I'm jumping in late on this one, but yes, Monday bothered me. I live far away from NY and didn't know anyone who died that day, but it was still very emotional.

What really got me in a slump was the 1 yr anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Unfortunately, I know many, many people close to me who lost everything they had. I was also a volunteer at one of the Shelters where the first busloads of reffuges were sent after waiting days on the bridge. They were the sickest of the sick, about 20 busloads, 2 buses full of pts from an Ahlzeimer's Unit. The buses arrived around midnight and we had NO IDEA they were coming. So of course we were not prepared for this. It was unbelievable.

So Monday 9/11, as I was driving through New Orleans, looking at the massive destruction, the piles of garbage, boats & traffic lights still in the medians. Traffic signs that were still dangling from the wires broken, grass growing over the street car tracks on St.Charles Ave, & listening to Howard Stern's rebrodast from 9/11/01 was a double whammy. I cried most of the day. Still trying to get out of the slump. I have really been doing great on my meds, but ever since the Katrina anniversary I have started to feel depressed again. I am hoping that it is just because of the anniversary of those two catastrophic events being so close together, and that soon I will get out of this slump. I actually called in sick yesterday and stayed home in bed all day, not sleeping, just not wanting to do anything.

Today was better, I did go to the clinic and see patients, but now that I am home I just want to crawl back into bed!

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