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new guy - gimme your opinion pls

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ok similar problem for me has come up again.

i met a guy.

he came to my house where i live with my parents to talk to me about getting a home loan. he stayed and chatted for 1.5hrs. He dropped certain things into the conversation like where he lived, that he lived alone, that he had a dog and was single. All things i found kind of interesting given that these are quite personal details and not really related to me getting a homeloan, not directly anyway, myabe just in comparisson.

Anyway i think he is great looking, he has a job, a car, a house, a dog (i love doggies) and of course i want to ask him out to dinner or something. but is that completely unprofessional??

He said he would call me this week to see where i am at with wanting to get the loan. And today in the mail he sent me a thank you card, hand written, and not a business card one of those proper cards like the hallmark colourful ones you get, it just had a short message saying thanks for letting him come and speak to me etc etc.

Now i know the charms could be all part of the sell. But i didnt pay for his services, and do not have to pay him anything even if i do get the loan through him he is just a middle man. paid by the bank.

So am i dreaming in hoping he may have seen some sparks with me???

Should i make contact with him to see if anything else could come of this?

to be honest...... i so need to meet a new decent guy, and above all i need sex! its been way to long since i had the good stuff, and i REALLY miss that excitment of meeting with someone new!!!

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It IS hard to tell if it's part of the sell or not, but he does seem to be going above and beyond. You could always ask him if he'd like to get coffee sometime - dinner is way too heavy. If you do meet him casually and it goes well, then going out in the evening would be the next step. Not the first.

Good luck!

PS and wait until HE calls you next; don't call him.

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one one hand, he seemed to have been telling you info that wasn't really important to the loan, and hung out a bit longer than necessary, and the handwritten note is surprising.

on the other hand, salesmen are salesmen and always have to, unfortnately, be held in suspicion until you know them better because of their profession. they need to make us feel important to sell to us.

i agree with the first two assessments, that it is best to ask him to something light and airy first, that you could also pass off as "just business" if you happened to have to save face, just like he could still do with a handwritten note that doesn't seem to be business, but hey, to him it may be.

maybe see if he goes and where it goes...

if they don't get the loan and then it goes places, up or down, then it is obvious,..

best of luck, you deserve a good relationship and the hot sex you've been dreaming of!

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you have to remember, sales men are sales men. they will do anything for that sale. i got screwed around by one a few years back - i was pissed!!!

but the advice from everyone else is good. either way - mortgage or no mortgage... a coffee is harmless and youll definitely see where you stand.

good luck ;)

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i wish i wasnt so shy so i could call him and thank him for the card, explain that i am interested in the mortgage and will be incontact with him in the near future about pursuing that. But in the mean time would he like to meet for coffee.

BUT im to scared. i am such a chicken! i know i can wait til he calls me but i know i will still chicken out. but how will i ever get a guy if i dont start trying!!!

Any suggestions on getting some self esteem to pull this off..... much appreciated!

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did he tell you how long it would take for the mortgage info to come back?

in MY opinion, i would wait. if its only going to take a week or so...i wouldnt jump the gun any quicker than that.

i KNOW its scary. but if youre interested and you dont ask, youll never know! my anxiety gets the best of me most of the time and i kick my own ass when i dont get up the nerve to do the things i want/have to do. but when i DO, i always feel 123% better.

did that make sense? i hope so.


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As some of the other posters have said, going for a coffee doesn't do any harm. I know from experience it's best to wait until the guy makes the move. However if he's left the ball in your court, so to speak, maybe he's waiting to see if you are interested, before he proceeds.

Salesmen do have their tricks to make a sale. I once bought a car off a woman in real estate. I flew to another city to negotiate, she told me a lot of stuff about herself, took me to her home, invited me to stay overnight (since I wanted the car checked out by a mechanic, who wasn't available until the next day). All that to make a sale. She was of course a very experienced saleswoman as she sold houses in the area.

If you're not sure if this guy wants something with you, next time you see him or speak to him, ask him some casual questions about himself, like ask him how his weekend was, or if it's later on in the week ask him if he has any plans for the weekend, just out of interest. I'd turn the conversation around to him, also to find out what he does in his spare time and how full on his social life is. He may be single, and dating a lot of other girls!

Remember also that he does get a commission if the mortgage goes through, whether it's paid by you or by the bank it doesn't matter. I had a job where I only got paid by commission and believe me we'll use every trick in the book to make a sale.

Let us know how you got on.

Cheers, and good luck!

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  • 1 month later...

Another vote here for waiting for him to call. And the coffee thing would probably be ok. As others have said, you probably won't be able to get a really good idea of what is going on in his brain until the home loan business is concluded one way or the other. Being patient is such a pain, but I think it's the best course. When will you know about the loan?

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