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Fits of jealous rage


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My "monster" only comes out for my poor bf (and did for all my former lucky boys). It's always jealousy related, usually over some imaginary threat (maybe a groupie, for example) and I become so enraged I feel like I am on fire.

I won't even talk about what it was like with my ex when there was a REAL threat and he was fucking around on me. I'll just say I was a threat to myself and to especially to him.

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i haven't recently, so i don't know if it was that i was taking topamax for several months, my med combo keeps it under control, or maybe my therapy has helped me see things in a new lght, but i've gotten the jealous rage issue under control. it used to be that threats (almost 100% imaginary) would make me so mad i'd just about kick the ass of the poor girl i felt threatened by! i don't know how many times i felt my boyfriend liked a girl (he maybe talked to her) and i told her i'd kick her ass for hitting on my boyfriend.

this wasn't just directed towards the poor females involved, it was also towards my boyfriends. they'd get the riot act if any other female paid attention to them.

now i expect that because my boyfriend is obviously attractive, people are going to be attracted to him and sometimes hit on him. that doesn't equal cheating on me. i could never see him cheating on me (but you never know)! i try to see it as a compliment when other women hit on my man. i also view the innocent conversations as innocent and don't get worked up over them like the two of them are ready to jump into bed or something.

i've come a long way in the jealous rage area.

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I get short bursts of rage (though not jealous ones) anytime any of my Aspie sensory sensitivities are violated. A high pitched timer that goes wailing for more than 5 minutes is fair game and turned off. A high pitched child that goes wailing for no good reason may result in the child's parent being slapped upside the head, but so far I've been able to avoid that.

As with those closer to me, I get in those fits rather often, with or without them around me. But then I realize that their life sucks too, and that helps minimize any harm done.

Though, during periods of extreme stress (coincinciding with a sub-optimal moment in my bipolar rhythm) can send me into a rage for no reason. Also, it is a well-known fact that certain individuals presenting with silicovaginosis cause rage in me.

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