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Need advice


Aglaya

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I'm new here, so I have no idea if this is discussed anywhere else, and if so, feel free to just guide me there.

Anyway, someone who I don't know well, but a lot of my friends are close with has serious problems. She claims to be a vegan, and I'm sure she sticks to it, except that she actually has a serious eating disorder. I've seen regular vegan diet related wieght loss before, and I know that it can be severe, but not this severe, and I also know it doesn't involve either just not eating anything at all or throwing up the rare times that you do. Anyway, a lot of people want to help her, but I'm the only one who is really willing to put my friendship with her on the line to keep her from killing herself this way right now, and I was wondering if anyone had any advice. The other problem is that there are drugs involved too, and I know this isn't the particular place for that, but if anyone here has had a similar experience that would be great. The drugs we know of are cocaine and meth.

People have tried talking to her parents, to no avail, and I'm fairly certain that any kind of forced recovery (some people have suggested- seriously- breaking her arm so she has to go to the hospital and once there, they'll surely force some weight gain) will only make it worse in the long run, because it will make her lose control, which seems to be where all of this stems from. Anybody?

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I'm new here, so I have no idea if this is discussed anywhere else, and if so, feel free to just guide me there.

Anyway, someone who I don't know well, but a lot of my friends are close with has serious problems. She claims to be a vegan, and I'm sure she sticks to it, except that she actually has a serious eating disorder. I've seen regular vegan diet related wieght loss before, and I know that it can be severe, but not this severe, and I also know it doesn't involve either just not eating anything at all or throwing up the rare times that you do. Anyway, a lot of people want to help her, but I'm the only one who is really willing to put my friendship with her on the line to keep her from killing herself this way right now, and I was wondering if anyone had any advice. The other problem is that there are drugs involved too, and I know this isn't the particular place for that, but if anyone here has had a similar experience that would be great. The drugs we know of are cocaine and meth.

People have tried talking to her parents, to no avail, and I'm fairly certain that any kind of forced recovery (some people have suggested- seriously- breaking her arm so she has to go to the hospital and once there, they'll surely force some weight gain) will only make it worse in the long run, because it will make her lose control, which seems to be where all of this stems from. Anybody?

since eating disorders are about control... you can't really force anyone out of them. the most you can do is try to force hospitalization - where they force weight gain - and the person goes home and loses it all as quickly as possible, usually more upset because control was forcably ripped away.

i've had friends with eating disorders and i pretty much just told them it was their choice, but that they were just hurting themselves. there are healthier ways to have control in your own life.

i've had some friends their drug habits/other disorders bothered me enough that i did cut contact with them - they were being manipulative and lying and those many other things that so often go along with addictions. i've never regretted that decision and i have never even checked back up to see how they are.

maybe seriously helping her find a good counselor, one who understands eating disorders? whatever happens, it has to come from her if its going to do any good.

abifae

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yeah, both eating disorders and drug habits are conditions that people have to want to recover from, it can't be forced on them. my ex step mother went to recovery by force i don't know how many times and still came out a meth abuser. she weighed about 80lbs and looked like the face of death. no one could get her to eat (body image and eating disorder issue) and no one could get her to quit her drug habit. she lived with her drug dealer and was giving him sexual favors in return for drugs. he even smeared crap on her one day and she just took it, because she had that addiction.

i agree that people wtih addictions can be manipulative and dangerous. i know my ex step mom was. the guy who lives upstairs from me is a heroine addict, and his girlfriend (my real neighbor, the one with the lease) says that things keep disappearing from her apartment. well no kidding, he has to feed his habit, and no matter what promises are made, the addiction is stronger and there is always the drive for more.

i'd have a heart to heart with her and tell her you care about her very much, and that's why you're discussing this with her. don't blame her for her problems or tell her she's this or that, but tell her that she has to make the decision to come out of it and get help or not. she has support all around her, all she has to do is come out and be ready to receive the support.

i know zyprexa is used to treat eating disorders. i don't know what drugs are used, if any, to treat drug abuse, but there is hospitalization for that and also outpatient counseling.

best wishes to you both.

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  • 1 month later...

Help! Started with normal bulimic behaviour (ie binge eating and then purging using either huge amounts of laxatives or making myself sick). Now it's getting so severe I really can't stand the feeling of anything entering my stomach (even if it's just water!!!). Don't know what to do as I don't really like feeling so hungry either. I see a dietitician who is quite supportive and she says try to eat VERY little in one go. Have tried that but still feel the need to be sick. Most of the time, I don't even have to make myself sick, it has become an involuntary action because i've done it for so long. I really need help and don't know where else to turn, I'm not even sure dietiticians are properly trained to handle ED's. I am losing quite a bit of weight and am getting quite scared about it all.

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neonbabe - It sounds just like my ED, except I started off anorexia and progressed to bulimic stuff in tandem with it due to hunger. I though can't just be sick without effort - maybe that's a good thing as it discourages me a bit sometimes. At the moment I am trying to get myself to eat regularly and not throw up. It very difficult as I either want to starve myself, or if I do eat it's hard not to want to throw up and be empty again, even if I have only eaten a small amount. It's hard too not to eat too much at other times when I feel very hungry. I also go through occasional bouts of intense stuff, e.g. a couple of weeks of anorexia or bulimia separately. This sort of thing has been going on to a greater or lesser extent for nearly 5 years.

I have been officially diagnosed with EDNOS - Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.

If you feel ready to get better - and I mean READY as ;) EDs can be addictive and even comforting :) This stopped me from getting help for a while. I also felt very guilty/ashamed as I was fully aware of what was wrong with me and the damage it was doing but could not (and still can't) give it up. Now though I would love to get over it - to get over the fear.

You MUST get yourself a pdoc, or someone with more training psychologically speaking. I doubt very much that a dietician will be qualified enough to help with the emotional stuff behind the ED (If I'm wrong about this, I apologise!)

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